Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments We will accelerate if he can show.....

...well we had our first 20 minute meeting with DS6's First grade teacher and I am scared and worried out of my mind....he homeschooled last year and asked to try school this year....we met to discuss his needs and when I showed the private testing results (achievement and IQ testing) showing he was clearly above grade leve (they said he would be qualified for the one day a week pull out gifted program)...but when I asked about subject acceleration (which the psych clearly wrote at the front of the report) they said that he would have to prove his behavior was okay before allowing him to go up to another grade...when I tried to inform them that he was very clearly past first grade in reading and math and what would they do to keep him challenged until he could be moved up...the response was that he would have to review end of K stuff just like all the other kids......when will these crazy people ever get what gifted kids need....if he is not kept challenged he will absolutely either shut down or become a behavior problem...so it's a catch...if he doesn't behave he can't move up....but if he isn't kept at his working level, he will misbehave...ARGGHH! School starts tomorrow - send prayers our way :-)

I feel for you. I'm worried about this year too but I think we have a more understanding teacher. I'm going to ask my son's teacher if he can have a stress ball to squeeze in his desk because he needs to keep himself busy when they are not stimulating him. Might be something to try.

Argh! That is so frustrating! I'm sorry they're being so dense! I'm sending good thoughts and prayers to you!

Maybe you could send extra books or worksheets for him (assuming he likes worksheets)? My DD5 has been really enjoying the math literature books from the reading lists on the Living Math Blog. The blog has the books grouped by subject: Addition, Multiplication, etc. Maybe that could keep him happily busy and learning until they get a clue?

Hi Belle,
I think it is time to 'move up the food chain' perhaps with a courtesy email to the teacher, cced to the principal, just reviewing what you hear at the meeting to be sure that you understood her meaning clearly and restating your concerns, highlighting a few pertinent quotes from the report, and notifing that you plan to talk to the princp.

If all else fails, perhaps you could send him on pull out day, and homeschool him the rest of the time.

In the meantime, be sure to set up situations where you can point out to DS that he is considerate, patient, able to find quiet ways to occupy himself when bored, good at handling strong feelings while staying in control, inventive, and good at studying people.

Perhaps he would be allowed to read a book while the other children do stuff he already knows how to do? In 4th grade my son suddently had no more behavior problems, because the teacher tacitly agreed to let him read as soon as he finished his seatwork. Of course, this didn't encourage him to put much effort into his seatwork, but perhaps this won't be bad as a temporary measure.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Belle, I just wanted to say good luck. I totally feel your pain. I think, and not to lump all boys in this category, but this is why so many boys are mislabeled as ADHD or whatever. I would definitely move up the food chain as Grinity suggests, especially since you have testing and documentation confirming he needs something more.

I am seeing it more every day as to how America (and I'm assuming that's where you are) focuses far too much energy on those that are behind and forgets those who are ahead. If the focus went out to every child and his/her abilities, I think those who make the "rules" would be amazed. This is also why I think the NCLB Act is such a crock - scuse my language. Children ARE getting left behind, they just don't see it that way because age wise, they aren't.

Good luck!

Thank you guys for the comments...I just met DS6 for lunch on his first day of school and I was SO proud of him this morning...he was so worried and scared that he looked like he was going to throw up everywhere but he was trying to be so brave. When he came out for lunch he was so excited to see me but then his smile faded...when I asked him what was up he told me he has never been so embarressed....the teacher uses a behavior chart that is on the wall for all to see...each kid gets 4 different colored cards (white for excellent, yellow for good, ....red for bad) he said his card was the only card in the whole class on yellow and that he was so upset that everyone has made fun of him for being the only one on yellow. HOW IN THE WORLD CAN A TEACHER DO THIS TO A KID ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!!! I asked him what happened and he said he was supposed to walk down the carpet to find a spot to sit and he didn't understand that he was supposed to pick a row...he started out walking down the green row but then realized what she had meant and went to the blue row (blue is his favorite color) she told him that he couldn't change his mind once he started walking down a row and that he had to sit there and he got uspet because he was confused and didn't understand what she had meant and then he said he kicked at a reading book that was displayed on the floor....so she changed his color. Ok, granted he shouldnt have kicked anything but here is a perfectionistic kid, with OEs, and sensory disorder who wants to know what is expected of him because he thrives on understanding the schedule/way things work and then when he figured out that he didn't do it correctly and didn't understand he was frustrated. He hasn't been in a school/classroom setting for almost 1.5 years....you would think the teacher would cut him some slack especially knowing everything we have spoken with her about. So I am just hoping and praying that this teacher allows children to earn their colors back because it wouldn't seem fair that he has been great all day long except for this incident and he has to stay on yellow all day?????? He said he colored an owl picture this morning and did "baby work" but that he was trying "really, really hard". I am not holding out much hope on this situation....I am just going to let it play out for a few weeks and see if things improve. I am just floored that the teacher did the color thing on the first day of school to him

Oh no! I'm so sorry that happened to DS6 on his first day. I can see my DS5 doing almost exactly the same thing your DS did. That seems so unfair to single out any kid on the first day; you'd think he would get a warning first.

Belle, I feel so bad for your son. That was really mean of the teacher. I hope she can recover but it will be hard now that your son has a tainted view of her. Maybe that can move to something more academic when he can be more interested and all can see that he shines.

Good luck.

I'm stepping very carefully into this one...

Most of the teachers I've run into are looking to establish rules & guidelines from day one. (If not day one, then what day is acceptable to start? Why not day one?) I'm guessing that the teacher allows a little more leeway until the kids get settled, but just that she wasn't of the mind to "let things go" altogether -- and overlooking a flagrant foul like kicking books wouldn't set a very good precedent.

The "color" sequencing sounds similar to what our son has had all along, and I've always told him that getting his card changed is not the end of the world... unless it goes to the point of me getting a phone call -- at which point he will want to be concerned.

For a while, I would get daily reports about who got their cards changed and why. (And, I imagine, the kids will keep these little object lessons in mind when engaging in their own shenanigans.) Strangely, though, my son would occasionally omit the little "behavior reports" from the dinner table conversation... and invariably it was because he was one of the culprits-du-jour.

In this instance, the student only went from Excellent to Good (clearly a warning) ... not down to "Deplorable" or something crazy like that. Maybe point that out to him. As for the teasing -- that can't last too long, as I'm certain everyone will get their turn in short order.

Waaaay back when I was in school (after walking 10 miles through the snow -- up hill each way) we didn't have no high falutin' things like colored cards. We just had our name written on the board, and the number of checkmarks (offenses) dictated the severity of the punishment, if any.

It sure sounds like a "rough justice" way to start the year, and I'm sorry your son was so hurt by it, but I have mixed thoughts on the topic generally.

I agree that starting on the first day is a good thing. The teacher needs to establish the standards and then stick to them. Hopefully your child now understands that kicking is not an acceptable way to express frustration, and will be able to find a suitable replacement (I know, far easier said than done, but that may be the direction you need to emphasize).

DS's first grade teacher kept changing the rules on him, apparently without explaining anything, and it seemed like every time he started to succeed she'd up the ante. On the other hand, I can see that as the school year progresses the teacher should be able to heighten the expectations accordingly, but not without explanation.

Belle> kicking a book

I try to see this type of thing from both points of view. On the one hand, sure, a teacher needs to keep order. On the other hand, it was the first day of school and he's a little boy and it sounds like she came down a bit hard on him initially. If it had been me, I probably would have said, "Okay, today you can sit on the blue bit, but after this, everyone has to stay where they start or we'll never get settled down." IMHO, firmness plus sympathy usually wins out over too much strictness.

I would tell the teacher/principal what you told us: your son seems to be in an impossible situation. He can't be accelerated until he learns to sit still, yet he's a young child and it's very hard to understand delayed gratification at that age (and for many years to come!).

Personally, I've never understood this acceleration-is-a-reward-for-behavior philosophy. If he's able to do the work, they should give it to him. Behavior is a separate issue. I've met a lot of high school kids who haven't mastered classroom behavior, so it's not like the school can claim that it would be an impediment in the advanced class.

You might also ask the teacher or principal how they'd feel if they had to spend an entire year listening to information they had already mastered. What is the benefit?

When they tell you that we all have to learn to do things we don't like to do, you may wish to point out that your son has to clean up his toys or brush his teeth or whatever, and that these less-enjoyable activities all serve a purpose. What's the purpose of learning the sound of the letter B when you can read chapter books? What does he gain from this? Doesn't he have a right to learn in school too?

Val

You guys always lend me new perspective with issues :-) I completely understand the teacher's stance (since I used to teach and remember those first few days as well) to a point...the thing I think I have the most issue with is the fact that these 6 year olds don't have an option to earn their colors back...so once something happened (even if it was in the first 10 minutes of school and the rest of the day was perfectly fine)...you are stuck with that color the entire day...there is no opportunity to earn the original color back. Which seems a bit excessive to me for 6 year olds...the sad thing is once a child is stuck on say the last 2 colors (poor and bad) then what incentive do they have to try to improve during the day...it doesn't matter so what's the point of trying...when your color gets moved that's it..no other chances to improve. Which makes no sense to me. I at least allowed my K children to earn back their points as the day progressed which really focused on the positive but didn't allow for rules to be broken (so if they broke a rule, they could continue to work hard and earn that point back by making good choices).

I'm going to add that something to my point about behavior and acceleration: namely, that by making it dependent on behavior, the school is treating acceleration like it's a bar of chocolate or some other kind of treat. It isn't! It's a legitimate need that your child has. He has a need and right to learn.

Oh, as for the colors: I agree with you 100% there Belle. If you've already got a red card, you may as well give up for the day. It's not like they're going to give you a minus-red or something.

They used a color system when I was a kid, except we had to wear our badges for an entire week. They were made of construction paper. If you had a green pass (the best category), you were allowed display it at the counter and buy a small snack in the cafeteria at lunchtime.

Behavior did not change, but we very quickly learned how to make fake green passes so that we could buy a packet of potato chips at the lunch counter.

Val

Dottie - I understood exactly what you said and do agree - I just wish that these children could get the level of education that they need without it being so difficult :-) I spoke with little man today and basically told him that they would be willing to look at sending him up to a second grade class for math and reading after they see that he can do well in the first grade classroom. He said that he would very much like to try so that he could go do "more interesting" work. Today's work consisted of coloring in an owl that said welcome to school with a popsicle stick, writing the numbers 1-100 and then completing a small worksheet booklet where he drew what his car looked like and him coming to school. He was disappointed that there was no reading or "math" but I also explained that the first few weeks of school can be a little slow until everyone learns the routine and how things work....so we will see how it goes...the thing I wasn't thrilled about was that the teacher labeled the "best" white behavior color cards as "perfect" so since he came home he kept saying, I really wanted to be perfect today....no one is perfect...he already has a perfectionism issue, I don't need someone else making it harder to overcome that!

ugh. Maybe the teacher could use a thesaurus. I don't think it's appropriate for her to behavior anyone's behavior as "perfect." Perhaps, after you explain that your son and others have issues with perfectionism (and he is very aware of the label with the white cards) you could suggest something else, like:

excellent, fabulous, grand, great, marvelous, superb, superior, superlative, terrific, top, top-notch

I'll add to this that DS9's school has different standards for behavior in kids in the first grade or younger.

Every now and then something would happen and someone would get wound up and the principal would send a mail around saying "As you all know, our expectations for the very youngest children in the school are different...they are all still learning about being in a classroom...etc. etc." Kicking stuff definitely fit into this category. Playing "The Haunted Bathroom" in kindergarten was another typical example of behavior that was not allowed but was also dealt with via a note asking the parents to "please discuss this at home."

Val

I thought that the "white card" was for Excellent... if not, you are right, perfect is a silly standard.

But your concern perfectionism is exactly why I make a big deal out of *not* making big deal about anything the school doesn't bother telling me about.

Only 179 days left...

Yes Dandy - that is what her paperwork stated that went home but I even heard her state when walking to and from lunch (I have to come eat lunch with him outside of the cafeteria because of his sensory issues with loud, enclosed spaces and his OT and I will work on slowly moving him into the lunchroom) that she saw so many that were perfect in line, she loved how perfectly they were stopping and waiting....so I guess it is a term that she puts to excellent behavior...we will just take this one step at a time...I don't want to come across as babying him but he really took a huge blow his last year in preschool and it really changed his whole outlook and self esteem for quite awhile....which is why we moved to homeschooling. If things don't improve greatly we do have the option after February where he would qualify for a special ed scholarship that we can put towards a private school next year...the only downside is that this really amazing school that focuses on out of the box kids is about a 50 minute drive...I am just going to keep my fingers crossed and just stay as positive as possible with him...I am just SO proud that he did as amazingly well as he did on his first day of school after 1.5 years of being out!

As an adult who has issues with perfectionism herself, a mother who does, and a child that shows signs of it, I'd be first on the train to the teacher or the principal to get that word changed NOW! Talk about setting up a track early for failure and for kids to have low self-esteem!!!! Excellent is one thing, but using perfect is completely different! It's like telling children, even those who aren't perfectionists, "you are not good enough" before they have even had a chance to try or learn or attempt to accomplish something!!!!

Personally I think that word alone is part of the reason there are so many issues in this world - divorce because a relationship is not perfect, stress because income isn't perfect, greed/keeping up with the jones's because a house size or tv size isn't perfect, those that push their children too hard and don't let them be kids too because they aren't the perfect student or perfect athlete or perfect singer, etc...

The only time I use the word perfect is to describe something that my children give me (i.e., a drawing). It is perfect because it has come from their hearts!

I have NO idea how this week is going to play out but all I can say is Holy batman about this morning....he was hysterical in tears, fighting me every step of the way to the car, yelling how he hates school, he didn't want to go, he hates his teacher, all he did was baby work all day, there was noone there he could talk to about his favorite stuff, he will never get a white card....yesterday he was excited but scared now today he is just plain outright stressed about getting his color card changed and how he has nothing interesting to do. I left him crying at his desk as I walked out of the room and I got in the car and cried all the way home. ARGGHH...wish things were.n't so difficult for these little guys...I have No idea how long to let this play out and I am just praying and hoping that when I go in for lunch that i don't see a hysterical kid

Poor guy! I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya (and him)!

Reading this thread breaks my heart. Belle don't wait around b/c I predict the issues will only get worse during this week. Reading your first description about the card change, my gut reaction is the teacher has already made up her mind about you and your child. (And yes, the kicking of the books deserved that change in color but her hardcore stance about not changing colors is another story especially when it was the first day.) She seems to be the type that rolls their eyes at parents who think their child is gifted. I wouldn't be surprised to see that she is one of the teachers I have seen talking on boards about parents thinking how perfect their kid is and pushing for acceleration when they themselves see no sign of it. You need to talk to her about her vocabulary choices and see if she understands your side and also about a possible change in the card system. If she doesn't allow them to earn the color back then how are they going to want to try? I suspect you will receive a less then warm response to all of this but keep pushing and contact the principle if she doesn't see your point.

Hopefully, you will walk in today and DS attitude will have changed. Maybe he and the teacher will have had a bonding experience, but if not ... don't do the wait and see game.

Well, we have had a very interesting week...Wednesday morning he finally stayed the morning on "excellent" for behavior and when I met him for lunch he was giddy...and gee - surprise, they did math and science that morning and he said he "loved,loved,loved" doing the experiments. I am hoping the teacher put 2 and 2 together - gee....motivated, interested, excited kid=well behaved kid. Then he lost it in the afternoon....back down to "good". I got a call this morning from the guidance counselor stating she checked in on him and again he is on excellent and having an awesome morning so she asked us if we would be interested in trying something (as I crossed my fingers hoping she would say 1/2 day.....) and YES, she said if he stays til 12 he is considered a full time student and suggested a half day program...with sensory kids, they hold themselves together all morning in school settings trying their darmdest to not melt down and then by the afternoon their little systems have had enough so the slightest anything sets them off...so I can come pick him up and do homeschooling in the afternoon with him...so we get the best of both worlds. She was very positive and said that she felt this would be really good for him because he is so focused and works so hard all morning and being successful with both work and behavior that she wants to build on that instead of him ending the day on a lesser note. She said we will do this for awhile until he gets more comfortable with everything and then look at adding on more time until he is back to a full day if we want, we meet on Tuesday with a HUGE team for his IEP meeting to get things going in place in the classroom. The school psychologist called me last night and said that he does qualify for acceleration and the gifted program but that they didn't want to throw that at him right now because it would just be more transitions for him to deal with but would like to work up to that goal.....so I am just happy that this is an option for us....anyone else doing 1/2 day deals?

Belle - 1/2 days sound like a great option for now. That's great news. And great news about the qualifying for the acceleration and the gifted program too. Although they don't want to rock the boat too much, I would think that since it's so early in the year, changing sooner rather than later might be a better option. Just a thought.

We are going to try full days and hope it works (since I'm trying to go back to work). If not, 1/2 days were offered to us as an option already. The principal said the normal 1/2 day kindergarten is just the reading and math, but she told us we could switch to do 1/2 day with the rest of the stuff and do reading/math at home.

I agree with you St.Pauli Girl...I told her that I would like to discuss it at the IEP meeting next week....in my eyes, starting now with the acceleration/gifted program would be better than waiting - I was very upfront and said that if taking him home 1/2 meant that he missed the gifted pull out time (if it happened to be in the afternoon) then I wanted it written in somewhere that I can bring him back to the school in the afternoon for that so he isn't allowed to slip between the cracks. I don't want them to look at this as a way to put off acceleration and hope that mom "forgets" about it...he deserves an education that allows him to work at his level. He and daddy started something new last night...he is learning how to do a microcontroller (which is basically a mix of computer programming and circuitry)...my husband brought home a kit and they worked for hours last night and by the end of the night DS6 was writing programming language in Ascii all by himself...not the typical first grade curriculum item!

Wow, what a chaotic week! I'm so impressed and happy that they've acted so quickly, though, and in such a great way!

I agree with the others that accelerating now would be best - I hope you can convince the administration next week.

Good luck!

I just looked at the website and saw that there were two versions. Is the difference based on more than reading level? My DS is probably early 3rd grade in most math skills. He is a strong reader and wouldn't need an easier version based on that aspect. However, something that requires 4th grade math and up would be daunting. Also, wondering if in a home setting two kids can share one product or if there has to be separate purchases for each in order for both to use it. Sorry to be off thread topic....