Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments We will accelerate if he can show.....

...well we had our first 20 minute meeting with DS6's First grade teacher and I am scared and worried out of my mind....he homeschooled last year and asked to try school this year....we met to discuss his needs and when I showed the private testing results (achievement and IQ testing) showing he was clearly above grade leve (they said he would be qualified for the one day a week pull out gifted program)...but when I asked about subject acceleration (which the psych clearly wrote at the front of the report) they said that he would have to prove his behavior was okay before allowing him to go up to another grade...when I tried to inform them that he was very clearly past first grade in reading and math and what would they do to keep him challenged until he could be moved up...the response was that he would have to review end of K stuff just like all the other kids......when will these crazy people ever get what gifted kids need....if he is not kept challenged he will absolutely either shut down or become a behavior problem...so it's a catch...if he doesn't behave he can't move up....but if he isn't kept at his working level, he will misbehave...ARGGHH! School starts tomorrow - send prayers our way :-)

I feel for you. I'm worried about this year too but I think we have a more understanding teacher. I'm going to ask my son's teacher if he can have a stress ball to squeeze in his desk because he needs to keep himself busy when they are not stimulating him. Might be something to try.

Argh! That is so frustrating! I'm sorry they're being so dense! I'm sending good thoughts and prayers to you!

Maybe you could send extra books or worksheets for him (assuming he likes worksheets)? My DD5 has been really enjoying the math literature books from the reading lists on the Living Math Blog. The blog has the books grouped by subject: Addition, Multiplication, etc. Maybe that could keep him happily busy and learning until they get a clue?

Hi Belle,
I think it is time to 'move up the food chain' perhaps with a courtesy email to the teacher, cced to the principal, just reviewing what you hear at the meeting to be sure that you understood her meaning clearly and restating your concerns, highlighting a few pertinent quotes from the report, and notifing that you plan to talk to the princp.

If all else fails, perhaps you could send him on pull out day, and homeschool him the rest of the time.

In the meantime, be sure to set up situations where you can point out to DS that he is considerate, patient, able to find quiet ways to occupy himself when bored, good at handling strong feelings while staying in control, inventive, and good at studying people.

Perhaps he would be allowed to read a book while the other children do stuff he already knows how to do? In 4th grade my son suddently had no more behavior problems, because the teacher tacitly agreed to let him read as soon as he finished his seatwork. Of course, this didn't encourage him to put much effort into his seatwork, but perhaps this won't be bad as a temporary measure.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Belle, I just wanted to say good luck. I totally feel your pain. I think, and not to lump all boys in this category, but this is why so many boys are mislabeled as ADHD or whatever. I would definitely move up the food chain as Grinity suggests, especially since you have testing and documentation confirming he needs something more.

I am seeing it more every day as to how America (and I'm assuming that's where you are) focuses far too much energy on those that are behind and forgets those who are ahead. If the focus went out to every child and his/her abilities, I think those who make the "rules" would be amazed. This is also why I think the NCLB Act is such a crock - scuse my language. Children ARE getting left behind, they just don't see it that way because age wise, they aren't.

Good luck!

Thank you guys for the comments...I just met DS6 for lunch on his first day of school and I was SO proud of him this morning...he was so worried and scared that he looked like he was going to throw up everywhere but he was trying to be so brave. When he came out for lunch he was so excited to see me but then his smile faded...when I asked him what was up he told me he has never been so embarressed....the teacher uses a behavior chart that is on the wall for all to see...each kid gets 4 different colored cards (white for excellent, yellow for good, ....red for bad) he said his card was the only card in the whole class on yellow and that he was so upset that everyone has made fun of him for being the only one on yellow. HOW IN THE WORLD CAN A TEACHER DO THIS TO A KID ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!!! I asked him what happened and he said he was supposed to walk down the carpet to find a spot to sit and he didn't understand that he was supposed to pick a row...he started out walking down the green row but then realized what she had meant and went to the blue row (blue is his favorite color) she told him that he couldn't change his mind once he started walking down a row and that he had to sit there and he got uspet because he was confused and didn't understand what she had meant and then he said he kicked at a reading book that was displayed on the floor....so she changed his color. Ok, granted he shouldnt have kicked anything but here is a perfectionistic kid, with OEs, and sensory disorder who wants to know what is expected of him because he thrives on understanding the schedule/way things work and then when he figured out that he didn't do it correctly and didn't understand he was frustrated. He hasn't been in a school/classroom setting for almost 1.5 years....you would think the teacher would cut him some slack especially knowing everything we have spoken with her about. So I am just hoping and praying that this teacher allows children to earn their colors back because it wouldn't seem fair that he has been great all day long except for this incident and he has to stay on yellow all day?????? He said he colored an owl picture this morning and did "baby work" but that he was trying "really, really hard". I am not holding out much hope on this situation....I am just going to let it play out for a few weeks and see if things improve. I am just floored that the teacher did the color thing on the first day of school to him

Oh no! I'm so sorry that happened to DS6 on his first day. I can see my DS5 doing almost exactly the same thing your DS did. That seems so unfair to single out any kid on the first day; you'd think he would get a warning first.

Belle, I feel so bad for your son. That was really mean of the teacher. I hope she can recover but it will be hard now that your son has a tainted view of her. Maybe that can move to something more academic when he can be more interested and all can see that he shines.

Good luck.

I'm stepping very carefully into this one...

Most of the teachers I've run into are looking to establish rules & guidelines from day one. (If not day one, then what day is acceptable to start? Why not day one?) I'm guessing that the teacher allows a little more leeway until the kids get settled, but just that she wasn't of the mind to "let things go" altogether -- and overlooking a flagrant foul like kicking books wouldn't set a very good precedent.

The "color" sequencing sounds similar to what our son has had all along, and I've always told him that getting his card changed is not the end of the world... unless it goes to the point of me getting a phone call -- at which point he will want to be concerned.

For a while, I would get daily reports about who got their cards changed and why. (And, I imagine, the kids will keep these little object lessons in mind when engaging in their own shenanigans.) Strangely, though, my son would occasionally omit the little "behavior reports" from the dinner table conversation... and invariably it was because he was one of the culprits-du-jour.

In this instance, the student only went from Excellent to Good (clearly a warning) ... not down to "Deplorable" or something crazy like that. Maybe point that out to him. As for the teasing -- that can't last too long, as I'm certain everyone will get their turn in short order.

Waaaay back when I was in school (after walking 10 miles through the snow -- up hill each way) we didn't have no high falutin' things like colored cards. We just had our name written on the board, and the number of checkmarks (offenses) dictated the severity of the punishment, if any.

It sure sounds like a "rough justice" way to start the year, and I'm sorry your son was so hurt by it, but I have mixed thoughts on the topic generally.

I agree that starting on the first day is a good thing. The teacher needs to establish the standards and then stick to them. Hopefully your child now understands that kicking is not an acceptable way to express frustration, and will be able to find a suitable replacement (I know, far easier said than done, but that may be the direction you need to emphasize).

DS's first grade teacher kept changing the rules on him, apparently without explaining anything, and it seemed like every time he started to succeed she'd up the ante. On the other hand, I can see that as the school year progresses the teacher should be able to heighten the expectations accordingly, but not without explanation.