Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school How do you talk to your child?

I too have always spoken with my girls (and any other child for that matter) like they are adults... like their understanding is that of an equal... within reason of course. Their understanding is much greater than any child development book will tell you it is.

When others talk to either of my girls in that baby way... they both have the funniest reactions. Aidan will get really quiet, her forehead creases, she'll look uncomfortable, and then speak very plainly and with an exaggerated enunciation of her words. (Which, in turn, almost always causes the adult to become uncomfortable) With Ainsley, her little face just screws up with a "huh?" expression and she'll turn or walk away from whoever spoke to her like that.

Granted, there are moments when I'll act silly when they're little "I'm gonna get you... I'm gonna get you" but in general I only temper how many details I go into or what words I use.

While I may not give my kids adult information, I talk to them like I talk to everyone else. There are silly times for sure, but I'm not a goo-goo-gah-gah kind of person anyway.

I love going to the doctor with dd3, she often asks about the instruments, and the doctors usually really like to tell her about at least one new item. Today we learned about the opthalmoscope, dd already knows about the stethoscope and otoscope and a bunch of other stuff. She was asking about the bulb on the blood pressure thing ( I still can't say "sphygnomanometer" myself) and I was explaining the bulb makes the cuff fill with air, so it can press on the arm evenly and sort of tell how much the blood in the veins is pressing back. I thought, "I probably sound like an idiot, and the nurse is not going to have time/patience for all this.." But she was really nice and showed dd that, as well as where my pulse in my arm can be felt, and the big favorite, the stethoscope. I just now looked up the blood pressure meter so I can tell her a little more if/when she asks again.
Usually I start in on these explanations and only get nervous if there are strangers around, but just plow on through with something about on dd's level. Not too simplistic, because I will just be peppered with 'why?' a thousand times if I go too simple.

I've always talked to kids like they actually have brains. I do the sing songy thing with babies because it just sort of naturally comes out, but with older kids I use the same sentence structure and vocabulary that I would with an adult (obviously not the same subjects though...). I've had people look at me oddly, but if my DS doesn't understand a word he'll ask or I'll follow a complicated word that I'm pretty sure he doesn't know with a quick definition. We do all the 4 year old play and silliness as well of course, but I openly admit to normally forgetting his physical age. I talk the same way to my 28 month old as well and he shows no signs of not understanding.

I've personally never understood why people don't give kids real answers to their questions. Why waste a perfectly good learning opportunity and a chance to earn respect by giving it? I know it bugged me when adults gave kiddie answers to serious questions I had.

I remember two times when adults underestimated my older son along these lines. Once it was my mother who was reading a beginning number book with him when he was maybe 20 moths old, I think? She was exaggerating all of her words and carefully counting the numbers. He was going along with it for the moment. I told her he already knew them, but she didn't listen. When they got to the last page and she was asking in a baby voice, "Do you know how many this is?" pointing to the one. He was over humoring her by that point and just looked at her, pointed to the numbers one by one and clearly counted without a pause up to 5. I thought it was hilarious.

The other time was when we were meeting with a possible teacher. She did the whole little sentences, singy voice bit and DS just looked at her with sort of an awe-stuck look of confusion. Needless to say we didn't go with that school option.

It is not in me to baby talk and hearing it is like nails on a chalkboard to me. I have always talked in complete sentences to my DD just as I talk to adults.

I have to laugh about the cloud comment in a previous post because if anyone has watched UP the short film completely illustrates where babies come [starks carrying them from the clouds] and why we have lightning, thunder and rain [the cloud is upset and hurt]. I thought it was adorable and I don't have a problem with a toddler or younger child being told things like this. It really comes down to the individual child and what works for them. If they are skeptical then yes the truth instead of fantasy would probably be more fitting.

For infants, the sing-song voice is actually a helpful thing. It helps infants distinguish between conversations going on around them and conversations directed at them. I think it may be instinctual on our part (but I'm not sure)

http://www.talaris.org/spotlight_parentese.htm

Chris, this is exactly the way I handle my DD at medical appts. and I was wondering if other people do the same:

I.ve never used baby talk other than in play. DS6 is very serious in his need for answers and would be really upset if I spoke like this. He would consider it "belittling" even if I gave the correct answer. My 2 youngest, DS3, DS4 get spoken to in a regular voice as well.

We never did the sing-song baby talk to DD because she would look at us like we had lost our minds, even when she was a tiny baby. She was always much more engaged when we used a normal tone of voice with her. A couple of my friends commented that we talked to DD like she was an adult, and I told them "But she looks at me like I'm stupid if I don't!" so they tried it and they looked completely shocked and told me I was right.