Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school How do you talk to your child?

I'm wondering if all of us talk to our babies and preschoolers the same way... normally. Except for the exaggerated, sing-song voice we used with DD when she was a newborn, we speak to her (now 2.5) like a normal person. Also, we give her realistic ansers to her question.

People have commented to me how I speak to DD like an adult. And I found myself horrified when my DD asked my friend, "Where does bubble gum come from?" and my friend answered "From a bubblegum tree." My answers to her questions are detailed and truthful and often I have to look them up to be sure I'm right.

So when I run across another advanced child, I find all of us parents speak to their children normally. I think this may not be the norm. (?)

(Have you seen the movie Starman? That's how I think of my DD - very intellegent but simply new to the experiences of this earth. Another movie I think of is Terminator 2, where John Connor had to teach the Terminator everything.)

We also never talked to our DS6 in "baby talk" when he was younger...I don't know why...I guess it just seemed silly to us? When he asked us questions, we would answer him truthfully and if we didn't know the answer (even when he was 1-2) we would go to the computer or library together and look up the answer. Friends were always in shock at the questions he came up with and even more shocked when they heard me answer them with "real" answers.

LOL!

We never did the baby talk or simplistic answers either. By 2 DS would get very upset if his questions weren't answered in a meaningful way. Of course, my answer if often started with "I'm not completely sure, but I think... then look into it more when we can.

When DS was 4-5 years old, he got a major attitude about adults and wouldn't talk to alot of them since they lied and made up stuff instead of saying they didn't know. A sideline to this is that they wanted him to answer their questions but if he gave silly answers they got mad. He was onto the double standard already.

Other than making sure his teachers, coaches and such know to say I don't kow or really answer his questions, we really don't worry about it too much anymore.

LOL, I definitely talk with DS4 as if he is older. For the most part as I do other adults, other than the fact that I still use discretion in things that I talk about at timeS. I don't talk with him about a murder I saw on the news or anything since he is not even 5yo. I think when they act the way they do and talk the way they do, it's only natural. When DS was 3 and in a prek program, the teacher said to me "I reason with him and talk with him like I do my 8 year old" I can remember times where people didn't quite know he was the way he was and at 2 or before would speak to him in sing song voices and say things like "can you say nose...where is your nose?" and he would stare at them as if there was something wrong with them. Sometimes he would just go along with it. Despite the fact I talk with him more mature, I still play things up like you should for kids at times. Like he will make me a bracelet and pick flowers and things and I will be overly enthusiastic. It makes him really happy and makes me smile. My general nature is pretty laid back so it wouldn't be good to just shrug off things like that. : )

And the bubble gum tree answers and other things like that drive me nuts. If I don't know things we look it up. Although I do recall a time a while ago when I was overwhelmed with all the questions and he was asking about how doorbells work and I said "you press the button and it rings" and he continued to want more information, LOL. But we did look it up and I didn't say anything dumb about a doorbell fairy or anything.

With DD2, we talk pretty mature to her too. We are just starting to have conversations with her so it's a little different of course. But I do talk with her as I talk with other 2yo's.

Yeah, I think for me I figure their minds are so fertile at this age - both for language development and for information in general - why teach them something incorrect that they will have to unlearn later?

I don't treat DD 2.5 like an adult, though. We are very, very silly and I don't expect her to always understand or control her tears.

I myself was treated like I was way older than I really was, thanks to my language skills and giant size, and I think I missed out on being a carefree kid. I don't want that to happen to DD.

I love these stories. I think that we strive to be responsive parents so we notice what our children need and try to provide it. DS was 3, and asking 'why' a lot. I read that the thing to do is to feed a bit of information and see if they want more. The answer to most why questions usually boiled down to nature or custom. So thats what i would say. Sometimes that was plenty and sometimes he would inquire further. We dont raise our children in a vacume - we give them what they ask for. Sometimes i think that what makes gifted kids different isn't something physical in their brain but a commitment to understanding the world that burns a bit more brightly in Gifted Children And Gifted Parents.

I think you have a really good point there. I know that it is hard with gifted kids as they often act much older than they are and communicate as they are, but I still remind myself even with my almost 5 year old that he is still a kid and needs that playful silliness. It is really important. So I mess around and play with him often. Sometimes I am sure he thinks I am crazy, but that's okay. Sometimes it helps him to be a little more relaxed and playful. It has helped him to branch out a little bit.

My voice goes way up when I talk to a baby. I didn't even realize it until DD3 was probably 2 and I was talking to someone else's baby. But other than that, my language and speech is just what it always is. The topics may be silly, but I am always honest and I always speak as though she can understand me. I have done since she was a baby. And it has always seemed like she understands.

I remember when she was two or so and we were on a playdate and I asked DD something. She didn't answer, because she was pretty shy in public at that time. So I started to ask her again. One of the other mothers interrupted and said, "Does she UNDERSTAND you???" I was like, "Uhh, yeah...why wouldn't she???"

After my first was born I read something about talking to your baby, how you should say what you're doing while you're going about your day and talk to them, and I remembered feeling guilty for not having a constant running commentary. Then after awhile I found myself talking more to the baby, but in a high sing-songy tone and often silly words, not baby talk in the sense of simplifying words, but affectionate and silly things. Eventually I found myself repeating words and phrases and signs in a more educational manner. By maybe age 2 or earlier I found myself using very natural speech and often using words I didn't think he had ever heard before, but in context they could possibly be inferred. All this was natural and not planned for the most part. When the new baby was born I didn't talk much to him at first, and felt guilty again thinking he was neglected because I'm harried and hassled, but now that he's older I realize that we're following the same pattern as with the first. I'm in the sing-songy stage and find myself using the same words and signs to identify or describe things because he is beginning to associate words with meaning. I think that a parent who is in tune with their child will naturally modulate their speech according to the child's developmental stage. Of course not all parents think to utilize this stage of easy language acquisition - "Do you want yellow or white?" is a wasted learning opportunity compared to "Would you prefer cheddar or Provolone?" IMHO.

I have friends comment that I talk to my girls like an adult. Don't get me wrong we do the silly stuff too after all they are kids,but I let them know I'm kidding. I think it's important to give them the right information. My Dad used to give me the silly anwsers, I didn't find out until I was in my 20's that peanuts didn't grow in trees