Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Hello and yay for this site!

I suppose I just haven't looked hard enough but until today I haven't been overly successful with finding other people who UNDERSTAND. Yay for this site!

I am a mother of two girls.. a 2.5 yr old (as of this week) and a 1 yr old. My 2 year old is so advanced it's embarrassing.

Facts about her:
- she speaks in complete sentences, has fully cognizant conversations, has a very "grown up" understanding of everyday things (actions, reasons, etc)
- has a very adult control over her emotions
- knows, recognizes, counts 1-20 without any training on my part
- knows all the alphabet, their sounds, her known sight word list is around 30- something, she recently started blending words together (CVC words) all because she watched a Leap Frog video.
- her coloring is that of a neat 5 yr old, she is already drawing stick figures and birds etc
- her memory is scarily correct.. she can hear one rendition of any song before she knows it
- she walked at 9 months, potty trained herself at 22 months (she literally decided one day she wanted to be like Mommy and Grandma and use the big potty.. that was it..she was then potty "trained")
- seriously there are so many things I could go on and on

AnyWAY..

It is hard to have such a "gifted child." I am extremely proud of her intelligence but because of her proclivities we have a hard time "fitting in." For example, we are active in a playgroup. I get along with the other Moms but in a playgroup there is always comparing and "when did __ do this?" type questions and honestly I find myself either wanting to lie or making excuses as to why she really isn't all that great. That sounds bad.. I know.

It also creates a lot of tension between my sister and I. Her kids are 9,8,6,&5. All her kids are advanced but not as much as mine and so a lot of comments about how weird my daughter is and how she'll never have any friends and how grateful (my sister) she is about not giving birth to freaks... etc

Does this sound familiar?

We're having a hard time balancing everything. I wish I could help her to fit in but I do not want to teach her to play dumb. Also, next week I am starting her in what I term "half preschool." Until this point I have made an effort not to teach her too much but she is definitely ready for phonics and basic math and I feel like I'm holding her back if I don't start it. Of course, I do not talk about it with other moms because I either get a nasty comment on parents pushing their babies or I make all the others uncomfortable because it would be laughable even imagining their two year old doing the same.

Soo.... any helpful suggestions on "fitting in" or any ideas? Am I crazy for starting her so early in phonics and basic math? Honestly, the child is teaching herself to read. I figure I might as well help her out.

I apologize for the rambling nature of this post..
I am glad to find a forum like this

Welcome! It is a great relief to find someplace where you can talk and tell all about your child without getting those nasty comments. It was like a weight off my shoulders when I found this a few months ago.
If your child is ready for math and reading then get a few activity books for preschool and see what she does with them. Try it out as a new play thing and if she eats it up (like she probably will) then keep going with it. If she likes it, then there's no reason not to do something she enjoys.
As far as fitting in - we all have issues of that, but I think all kids have some issues with fitting in, or not, at some point in their lives. It's just that ours seem to get to that point more rapidly than others. (as they do with most everything else they do)
As far as your sister goes, my family/friends have made similar type comments and I think there are 2 things going on here: one is actually a verbalization of how difficult it must be for you as a parent of such a unique child, and also perhaps a bit jealousy that their bright kids aren't as bright as yours is. I think this is especially true if there was/is any sibling rivalry going on.
I'm sure she keeps you jumping, but enjoy her talents and go with your gut about how much or how little to "teach" her. We took the philosophy, with our DD6, that if she was ready and willing to learn, then we'd give her the exposure and see what she did with it. We were not pushy about it and if she wasn't interested in something we let it be until she went back to it herself. And it was usually a short time before she went back to whatever it was and got interested in it. (Sometimes a day other times a few months)
I know what you mean about answering those developmental questions too. I think we've all come across them. I use to say I couldn't remember, but I now tell the truth and add a bit at the end that isn't it amazing that all kids grow and learn at such different rates - it makes the world an interesting place, doesn't it?

Welcome again,
Kerry

Welcome littlewisestone! A lot of us who found this site have memories of no longer telling other young moms what milestones our kids hit and when, because we didn't want to make them feel bad when their DC didn't do it so young. This is a great place to talk where you can feel free to talk about your child.

Sounds like you have a delightful DD. I am sorry that you are having trouble fitting in. Have you tried family or kids days at museums (art or science), or library story time? Sometimes you can find families like yours at these places. Does your state have a gifted organization? Perhaps you can attend some of the meetings to learn more and meet people.

Your sister is saying some very cruel things. Your DD is not a "freak" - she is normal for her. Have you told your sister that it is hurtful to you and your family when she says things like that? I am sorry that your close family doesn't understand.

As for teaching, I guess you know your DD best, but i haven't gone for anything formal. I follow my DS5's lead as to his interests. When he wanted to be read to for 3 hours, we read to him. He taught himself to read from being read to. When we showed him how to sound out words, he resisted, so we quit. He progressed fine without any formal instruction. We got him some math workbooks too, when he showed interest, but he lost interest soon, so we didn't push it. However, we did provide educational computer games such as jumpstart or disney, pbskids, etc., and he learned a lot from those. But that's just what we did. I think at such a young age, kids learn so much just from being exposed to different environments and from playing. We just answered all the questions and went with the flow.


good luck!

I would get and read Deborah Ruf's book, "Losing Our Minds." and also read her articles that you can find by googling her name. Miraca Gross is another author.

You could then contact an expert who works with exceptional kids who can help you (and her ) to understand what the future can hold for your child. This has helped most parents.

Your family's reaction to your daughter is nothing next to what awaits her in most school districts.

Helping her to find her way may be difficult. Many adults who started out PG will tell you that its not easy. On the other hand, her unique way of seeing the world will provide its own rewards.

I don't think its crazy to educate her. She is who she is regardless of what you try to do and will learn on her own in an unstructured way if you do not guide her. Some kids are tall, some are short, and some are very quick learners.

I saw your post and I had to join. Your Daughter sounds just like mine! I feel so lonely all the time. Friends that I made when my daughter was younger soon vanished from our lives when she started speaking two word sentences at 11 months and it just went down hill from there. I feel like I'm constantly trying to change the subject when other parents observe her at the library on the computer spelling words meant for a Kindergartener.

I would love to get an email address if possible so we can talk. My daughter is 2.5 years as well.

It would be really nice to have someone to talk to that can relate to my struggles as a parent..

I'm trying to decide how to get her some preschool exposure in the next couple of years. She's been reading now for 4 months and I'm not sure how she will fit in a classroom with kids just learning the alphabet? She also loves to play math games where she uses less than and greater then with numbers. I know her class next year required her to learn to count to 10! Again this could be a problem? YIKES!

I'm right with you girl! My oldest child is gifted and very introverted, she loves to play by herself. So I often get comments from by family about how weird she is. And to make matters more complicated my almost 3yo is very verbally advanced and likes to boss, so apparently he's weird also.
My advice is to find a positive place to brag, because we all need to do it sometime. Try to find your kid some other smarties to hang around...and if your lucky you might also find some cool parents as well.

Well you have come to a good place to talk with others that can relate. As she gets older and grows you will be able to find more out there for her. It's hard to remember ages exactly but it seems like around that age DS4 was into starfall.com because he was reading as well. He liked to just sit and read different books. He wasn't tons into math stuff at the time so we did nothing with that. Then he hit a major math spurt around 3ish. Now he is all about math. I think they just lead you in the right direction. Hang on tight, sounds like you will be in for quite a ride. : ) And in the meantime talk with others on here and get to know them better and learn from their experiences, especially for those who have gone through those ages already. I Know each child is different, but it is nice to see what others that have gifted children go through.

A couple of things come to mind when reading your post. First is the issue of fitting in. Forget it. Your DD is a unique individual and if she's as smart as she sounds probably not much for conforming. You need to follow her lead in learning. Put the material in hands reach and see what she wants to do with it.

My DS6 was reading and writing at 2. Having to defend yourself everytime you go to the grocery store(because your child is reading the signs and labels) gets old fast! Here are a couple of way to get around the questions... "Yes, I know, God works in mysterious ways, that's for sure". Presented with a big smile and nodding head, it generally stops the questions in two ways. If the person you are speaking to doesn't believe in God, they are left with the feeling that if the conversation continues, so will their conversion. If they do believe in God, all they can do is agree! Either way it usually stops them.

The other option is to dictate the laws of nature and the bell curve, Don't stop till their eyes glaze over!(stolen from another thread).

The second point is that your daughter needs to be comfortable with her differences. She can't learn that unless you are comfortable with them. It's really important that these kids know how to react to various questions etc as they grow up. Especially with girls. You don't want her to begin to "dumb down" to fit in. You need to get educated about giftedness, so that you can answer her questions and steer her along as she grows.

It's a heck of a ride, hang on and enjoy!!

How exciting to have a few more members with toddlers, Welcome! Yea!!! You will find that there are a few members with toddlers on here dealing with pretty much the exact same issues that you talk about. As far as your sister's comments ... very hurtful when it comes from your family but just keep in the back of your mind that she is jealous. I would ignore most of it. Now if she is saying these things in front of your DD that is another issue all together and you might need to have a talk with your sister or even pull back and not spend too much time with her. Because trust me your DD is able to understand a lot more than the typical toddler.

As for the teaching her new things ... I have days of yes let's learn something new and then freaking out and wanting to hold her back. My daughter (2 1/2) reads sight words and sounds out words, plus adds and subtracts as well as speaks some Spanish and on top of this she will be starting preschool this fall. I have mixed reactions to it all... we chose a play-based school for socialization because in academics she is already a head of kindergarten and we hope that we can build her socialization b/c we already see her downplaying her abilities. But yes the idea of learning ABCs and colors scares me because she is so far ahead of all of that but it isn't the main focus for them and they do a lot of art projects so hopefully the way they present it will be rewarding for her. BUT if not we are lining up options for us such as Montessori and Immersion programs. This summer she will be in an Immersion Summer program.

Anyway ... welcome to the board both you and angelina and feel free to PM me. I love meeting other parents with kids in the same age range who are HG. And since you are new ... the PM is the flashing envelope on the top.

I have had some of those issues with DD3. I am working on just being comfortable with who she is and if others have a problem with it, letting it be their problem. When she was not-yet-3, she started reading refrigerator magnets in front of a house guest, and I made the mistake of saying, "Oh, she's not really reading; she just has a bunch of sight words." But DD heard me and told me for the next several weeks that she couldn't read (despite the fact that she had literally hundreds of sight words and could read many first-grade readers without help). It took some work to undo that mistake. (But she is over it and I definitely can't make that same claim now, as she reads just about anything these days.)

For me, part of feeling more comfortable is going to the library and acting like it is no big deal when she picks a book at random and starts reading (instead of hurrying her out like I used to do). Part of it is having a forum like this one to share what she's into. And part of it is just getting over myself and realizing that all kids are different and it really doesn't much matter where she is compared with other kids. I think if you are relaxed about it it shows and others won't be as uptight about it. Oh, and if you are in a playgroup where people are constantly comparing milestones, find a new one.

AFA preschool is concerned, I wouldn't do a sit-down-and-learn-these-specific-things kind of preschool. If she is interested in something, definitely explore it with her...but try not to make it formal or push her. She may have the abilities of a 5 or 6 year old, but she's NOT 5 or 6. And she needs free-form play much more than structured education, IMHO. It's not as if she won't be picking up amazing things anyway.