Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Do you find that other people...

have the impression that you 'worked with' your child and therefore, that's why he/she is the way they are?

I was having a discussion with a friend who was told "it's obvious you work her" in reference to her DD3. She told me that now she knows what I mean about people thinking that I must have really drilled the alphabet and numbers and whatever else people thought it odd that he knew so young. Why do people assume that as opposed to thinking that hey, maybe they are the way they are w/ nothing from us. Of course, we interact and talk/play/laugh/etc. with them, but if that's the cause of it, then more children should be this way, right?

You can't buy a toy for a child nowadays that doesn't have some educational function, so does that mean that you're drilling your child if you provide a toy? And that you're forcing them to learn if you play with them with said toy?

I'm thankful that we've encountered great teachers who've said "it is what it is" in reference to DSs abilities and don't think that this is something that *we* want or need for DS. I just get frustrated when people have the idea that I'm a taskmaster who began instruction prior to conception, when it's the farthest thing from reality. If anything, DH and I were more about the play than anything formal when DS was younger. We figured there'd be plenty of time for the formal stuff when he started school, we just wanted to enjoy our kid and we did (and still are, of course).

Anyone else have these kinds of experiences?

Yep, goes w/ the territory I'm afraid. I would cringe when DS would show his precocity in public. I recall when my oldest was in story time at the library. All the moms were sitting and talking in the library. It was about the 3rd library session and the other 2 times, DS then about 20months, had put together a shapes puzzle the prior 2 times. He picked up a piece and said "Look mommy, this one is a trapezoid! And here is a square, a circle, and a hexagon." The room got deathly quiet and all the heads whipped around. I just slunk into my chair and put my head down until the moment passed lol.

But I've gotten "OH you must really work with him." To that I reply, "Well, if you call reading to him, playing with him, taking him to interesting places and being out in nature for hours a day working with him, guilty as charged." that usually shifts the conversation lol.

Oh yes. Parents of DS8's friends will always ask me what I do with him or how I teach him. I just told them that that is his interest (Math) and I just pass him many books to read. I guess they were not convinced but I don't see the need to elaborate. Sometimes they will ask me for books recommendation which I would gladly provide. I will also recommend that they make full use of the school library facilities as we are really blessed with so much good resources.
I have heard that some teachers in high sch thought I am hot-housing DS but I don't really care what they think. They don't know DS at all.

I've had people stop me and ask what kind of flashcard system I used, what reading program I used etc. It's kind of funny because I DO have neighbors who have done the whole "strap your 8 mo old into a high chair and give them a treat for looking at flashcards" thing. It didn't work out too well for them.

Things seem to have become less noticeable as he gets older. He's very tall for not quite 6 so people tend to think he's older too. It's less rare to see a 7 year old reading a chapter book in Costco than a 5 year old!

My standard response though is still "I didn't do anything, he just came this way." People usually get confused and wonder where I "got" him :-)

i get this from his school, like we strap him to a chair or something.....

the thing that stinks is they are not giving him hard enough work, so we supplement at home, then i feel guilty, like i am robbing him of his childhood.................

Nothing like running head first into ignorance.... Might as well get used to it, it doesn't go away.

I read this in the Gifted Exchange Blog interview with Joel McIntosh, the publisher of Prufrock Press. I think it goes a long way in explaining the mindset you've encountered.
http://giftedexchange.blogspot.com/2009/03/facets-of-gifted-education-joel.html

With this kind of mindset, it's easy to view parents of gifted children as just pushing their children ahead.

It helps me to think of a different mindset and something Tamara Fisher wrote about in Unwrapping the Gifted (December 10, 2008 Born? Made? Developed? Unstoppable?)
http://blogs.edweek.org/teachers/unwrapping_the_gifted/
I take pride in stretching my children's bands but I recognize that each child's band is unique. Having gone through this as a child, I'm glad my mother did her best to make sure I was stretched and grateful she didn't do less because of other people's mindsets.

Absolutely. Of course, if people really know me then they don't think that at all. I am not at all that organized or interested to work with him in that way. If ever I worked with him it would be in the area of social skills as that is more my thing. In actuality, I feel slightly guilty that I didn't work with him enough. He knew so much at a young age, I held back because before I knew much about gifted children I thought that I was doing him a favor by not making the gap even bigger than it already was. Sometimes he would ask questions and I would tell him not to worry about it and he didn't need to know the answer (like when he was speaking some Spanish at 2 and wanted to kno what comes after 10 in spanish...I figured a 2 year old counting to 10 in spanish was good enough) But then I learned that is not a good thing to hold him back at all and let him take the lead again. You live and learn.

One of my DD's started reading before 2 and we were out shopping or something she would read everything she could, I got alot of "How old is she?" "that can't be, how did you teach her?" type of questions. I was very proud, and didn't mind them asking at all. One time I did get a you must of worked with her very hard comment, but it didn't bother me. The lady got it wrong DD worked very hard with me to get me to teach her.

I also find that everyone assumes that I taught DS6 everything and that I drill him every night. In reality, I honestly don't have enough time to keep up with him.

DS6 hasn't been helping lately because he keeps telling me--"I wish you hadn't taught me to read or do hard math. Maybe then I would learn in class like the other kids." He just doesn't realize the difference between teaching him something and helping him learn what is already there. I also keep reminding him that even if he entered school not knowing how to add, it wouldn't have taken him the last 6 months to learn since when he was 3 he learned it in a few short play sessions.

Oh yes. My favorite response to "Do you work with him a lot?" is, "Oh no. He's just like that."

It's vague enough that the layman doesn't usually dig deeper, but the GT initiated know *exactly* what I mean!

ROFLMAO!!!

Yes JD of course for sure people have said this to me. And actually early on I did think I was a great teacher!! I did take credit early on. And then things got really bizzare where my DS would know stuff I didnt even know like ALL the shapes of the states! He had flash cards w/just the shape on the back to learn the capitals well not only did he learn the capitals he learned all the shapes. That was when I told my husband now this is really freaky, and that was when we had him tested. This was a 4 yrs old. Your child is very young, once she surpasses even your expectations then people will stop thinking it is you. Well that is what happend w/us.

Yep Jen I do hate hate hate the comment "does he ever play" !!!! Ok like I crack the whip on him 24/7 LOL

Then what about the parents who have gifted and non-gifted kids, guess people think one is favored over the other.
My 2nd son, couldn't do a 3 piece puzzle to save his life.
And I do try to teach letters but he is clearly not ready, he will simply throw them at me. You just can't force kids to learn if they are not ready no matter how many treats you throw at them LOL

I have a friend who I told her about ds's IQ score. She said, "why did you push him so much?". I didn't! You cannot "study" to take an IQ test.

DD4 cannot speak well. I am glad I don't need to "hide" her like I did with ds.

I had a Sunday school teacher at our church once suggest that I play with my child. LOL. I really wasn't sure what to say about that. I play with him all the time...maybe even a little too much. We recently made a list together of things he can play by himself so that he can have some more time doing his own thing. He does play by himself, but sometimes he needs reminders of things that he can play by himself.

The sad thing is there are programs that parents utilize that is just like this... Mybabycanread is the one that comes to mind. I have heard people spout off about this program on other boards and it goes against everything in my being... I really don't know why. Then last weekend I was flipping through the channels and saw that they have an infomerical so I recorded it to see what this program is that a few rave about. It is clearly a strap them in the highchair and feed them flashcards system.

Does this fall under the Baby Einstein syndrome? The argument is the synopses from infancy to age 5 is at the highest and by using systems like this you are tapping into their raw abilities. So the babies that pick up a few words through this system, are they gifted or will they even out?

But I think with programs like this, those of us that did not push our children do get lumped in with them. It really is frustrating.

I don't know about that programme, but when DS was tiny I did a bit of reading about this - my mother used flashcards with me a bit so I wondered. The programme suggested by the Domans, which I think is what set this all off, is actually very mild compared with the reputation of this kind of thing. It's a long time since I read the book, but as far as I remember, what they recommended for babies was doing flashcards for seconds per day, never doing it unless the baby seemed interested, being careful not to test too much, etc. I decided not to do it because it seemed pointless, but not because I felt it was actually going to do the children any harm. In fact I remember being very irritated with the book Einstein never used flashcards (if I have that title correct) because it seemed to be attacking a strawman: it was assuming that parents were using flashcards to such an extent that it interfered with other things they might be doing with their children, whereas as I remember it there was always room for something else that would take a few minutes! Although, if there really are programmes out there that recommend doing flashcards with babies for hours, maybe it wasn't such a strawman as I thought...

These stories are funny and, apparently, pretty common.

I guess I should say that sometimes DH doesn't really help. I found out that he credits my DS being able to read at 3 all to me. I was aghast, seriously, LOL. The misunderstanding comes from DS having had a big foam puzzle/playmat that had the letters/numbers that could be punched out. We used to play on that all the time, and DS would ask what's this? what's that? and so on, so I told him. Hence, I guess I "drilled" him with the alphabet and numbers. Well, then came the "what does that say?" all the time while driving. You know, reading every road sign and billboard to him wasn't possible, so I explained to him that he'd be able to read them himself one day once he learned what sounds the letters make. Then...."what does A say? What does B say" and so on. And it wasn't long that he was sounding out words himself. And *I* get full credit for teaching him how to read. I had to set DH straight on that one - making me look like some kind of schoolmarm.....

Someone gave us the Baby Einstein tapes and I liked them. We were in Germany at the time and programming wasn't as varied as it is here. I liked them because they were mellow and relaxing, not so much for the 'instruction'. I had a pretty active non-stop toddler, so anything that kept his attention for 20 minutes or so was good for me, but it's not as if he spent all day watching them. I'm sure the series is great, but I don't credit them for DS being the way he is. My personal opinion is that if educational programming was really capable of increasing kids' IQs or performance or whatever the claim is, there'd be a lot more kids like this. I'm sure it doesn't hurt, but I don't know that it necessarily helps either. Just my thoughts.

We recently got this from the pediatrician at DS5's preK screen:

Doc: "Do you have any concerns about learning letters or anything?"
Me: "No, he reads at a pretty high level."
Doc: "Oh, so you've been teaching him to read?"
Me: "No, he taught himself to read somehow."

The doc got it then, and said he was almost embarrassed then to offer the book they hand out to all pre-k-ers. I assured him that DS likes all variety of books still, but we didn't get the book.

We did have flash cards when DS was little, but I got them because the pictures were cute and DS was so into signs and letters I knew he'd like them. And he did. But we didn't ever quiz him or anything.

I admit it -- ds6 had one Baby Einstein DVD when he was an infant and he *loved* it. Seriously loved it. He'd watch it for a good half-hour as a 6-month-old while I made dinner -- he'd sit absolutely still in his Exersaucer.

And I have bought flashcards -- he likes them! I got him a set of Cars multiplication cards at Easter two years ago. And he had a book of his favorite sight words when he was 3; nothing made him happier than to go through his book of words with a parent.

I don't think these things are bad in and of themselves, as long as the child is interested and the parent is laid-back about the whole thing. Heck, if he wants another set of flashcards, who am I to say no?

That is so funny fangcyn! That sounds like a jealous comment to me!

LOL Shellymos! These people obviously have not been around gifted kids! Ok maybe these kids prefer to play puzzles and chess etc. My DS6 did play chess at the park yesterday instead of playing on the slides LOL.

Hi Mia, I agree these kids prefer to play educational games what is wrong with that. What is wrong is the most of society doesn't understand these kids. They think we push them when they push us.

I agree. DS4 loved baby einstein. It was the only show he liked to watch. He watched them until he was 2, he still watches them some with his sister who is also enthralled. I never attributed that to him being the way he is. Why would I? A friend of mine said that maybe that was why he is gifted. I almost fell on the floor laughing. Hmm....don't you think that Baby Einstein would be all over that if that were the case. I think it's quite ridiculous. Can certain exposure build academic performance, sure...but I don't think it creates highly gifted children. Just my opinion.

There are studies out there for anyone interested proving that Baby Einstien and all the rest do not make kids smart. They just are what they are, entertainment for a younger market.

Baby Einstein got my dinner made for a whole year, I'm totally okay with that! It was harmless, mindless entertainment with some funny stuff that DS liked.

I also own flashcards, so don't think my flashcard comment was judging flashcard people! I just don't think you can make a kid smart because you drilled them with flashcards for an hour as a baby.

There's a HUGE difference between owning flashcards and drilling with them!

It's the same sort of difference that exists between talking to your child after school about math because your child is interested and hothousing math so that you seem cool to your friends.

I received similar comments from all people - my son's pediatrician!

When I brought my son in for his 18 month check up, we were discussing developmental milestones. I thought what he was doing might be advanced, but with my son being my one and only, I didn't know for sure. I mentioned to the doctor that he knew all his letters (both upper and lower case), knew the sounds the letters made, knew all his shapes and colors, and could count to 20. I have to admit that I was bragging , but I was so proud of him. And all this he learned through play, reading books, playing with letter magnets on the fridge, etc. The pediatrician totally downplayed it, and basically said that because I was a stay-at-home mom, I work with him and he was just hearing me say all of those things to him and it was simply memorization on his part. I have to admit I was sort of shocked. I thought my son was kind of smart, but hey, what did I know? And of course, since I can't think quickly on my feet, I didn't think to say to her, "Well, I certainly didn't teach him, when he sees the letter 'N', to tilt his head to the right and say 'Z', or when he sees the letter 'L', to turn his head upside down and say '7'". Ugh!

That's an amazing memory he has!! LOL

Our Pediatrician did not make a fuss out Mr W. She was very matter of fact and broached the subject at his 6 mos checkup. At 12 mos, she asked a lot of questions and then told us we'd have an interesting time with him. It was very low key.

IMHO peds should screen for GT just like they do for disabilities. It would give parents some information they could work with.

Comments like that about this sort of subject always bug me. I mean, do *I* have some deeper understanding of letters and numbers? Um, no! I just memorized them! That's what learning them IS!

There's nothing higher on Bloom's Taxonomy for letters. Knowledge is as high as it goes! If you know them, you memorized them. The thing is that most kids that age have neither the interest nor the ability to memorize them. *sigh*

<eyeroll>

People always ask me what I did to help DS5. I tell them I wish I did do something b/c I would be a millionaire!

You know what we should all say..... *evil grin*

"Yes I've worked with Him/Her, we are building a giant lazer out of cat food cans and pencil shavings in the basement that we plan to take over the world with, Him/Her with be the supreme leader and I will be there dutiful minion."

Then just smile, twist your hands together and hum some Mozart.

Pretend to catch a fly and eat it, too. See if they catch the Dracula reference!

Love it!

We are very fortunate to have a very young, probably PG doctor who said when DS was 18 mo "Um... you should probably start thinking about school" and opened the door for a lot of conversation. We were taken aback a bit because DS was born prematurely and all we'd ever heard from the docs was "He'll probably be normal by 3!" but nobody told us to watch for the other direction :-)

Our pediatrician was also great when last year's teachers started whining about ADHD. He laughed them off and said obviously they'd never taught smart boys before. Then promptly referred us to an ed.psych for testing.

"I have a friend who I told her about ds's IQ score. She said, "why did you push him so much?". I didn't! You cannot "study" to take an IQ test." Quote from fangcyn



Fang - I'm so sorry! This, from someone you felt was safe to tell.

Thanks, Seablue! I just wish people understand our kids more.

SENG has a brochure to provide info to healthcare providers and parents. I gave it to DS's pediatric allergist, since there is a high incidence of gifted kids with allergies. She was great and we talked about it for a bit. I should request more to bring along at every peds visit. They're pretty basic, though, but it would be nice if a professional community that sees your kids before school could offer some advice when warranted.
http://www.sengifted.org/Is%20my%20child%20gifted%20brochure%202007.pdf

I have held some resentment towards my Pediatrician b/c she didn't inform me about gifted. When DD was a tiny thing they marveled at her abilities but by the time she was 6 months and the doctor was checking on milestones she disregarded a lot of what we told her. Our office would give a handout on what to expect during the months before the next visit which included milestones. We would read it and laugh out loud because DD had already mastered all of those but the doctor basically ignored it. She would ask questions about if DD has said any words yet. Um yes, she talks in complete sentences and give her some examples but she would just smile and continue on. I think she thought we were boosting parents that had no idea. It got to the point that I just held my tongue b/c what was the point, especially since DD was not going to openly display her abilities in public.

But by her 2nd year check up DD was more willing to share and talk in sentences but again this was very simplified for her. But this shocked the doctor and she acknowledge that DD was highly intelligent but again never mentioned gifted.

I am little late on this one. But we did not do anything until 4 years old. (Now DS6) wanted to learn more back then but we refused to teach him, because of the fear of, what would he learn in school then? When we tested with the SB-LM at 4, the pyhscologist strongly suggested that we start teaching him at home. Her concern was that he was teaching himself, and that anything that he learned incorrectly would have to be redone. And that it would be more difficult because of stuborness, and perfectionsim. This issue just came up this week with the calender. DS6 belived their where 364 days in a year, excluding the leap year where their where 365. I explained that their was 365. He adamently disagreed, I showed him on the computer, he said they where wrong. So I asked him why, he said that one month has 28 days, 6 months have 31 days and 5 months have 30 days. So a year is 364 days. I had to look it up, but 7 months have 31 days, once I showed him that, he was ok with a year having 365 days. They are always teaching themselves, but maybe not always with the right information. I am ok with teaching them (Everything but spelling that is)

We were pretty clueless I must say so I can't say we could be accused of pushing the girls. We did get lots of comments but didn't think that DD8 talking very clearly and complexly fairly early was a big deal. We had at least one other friend with a kid comparable so....We would also giggle at the pediatricians pamphlets as well. With both girls when Pediatrician asked me how many words the girls said, I would be like I don't have any idea they just talk to me.

I'm surprised however, that our pediatrician didn't refer us for ADHD testing the way DD8 acts in the Drs office all the time. She tries to take apart the office and gets into everything, rarely listening to the demands of please stop until i raise my voice significantly. One college room mate who is a teacher mentioned attention issues but then said well it doesn't affect her learning (honestly I'm surprised I haven't gotten more comments like this). DD8 is so stubborn when she is set on doing something or being right it is ridiculous, DD4 is heading the same way. Not lack of focus but focused on other things aside from what I want

I notice things more with DD4 and Edwin makes a good point. I have started working more with DD4 mainly because she wants homework like big sis. She can do a lot of the same things as DD8 so I think I missed a lot of the clues due to our paradigm of normal and didn't notice until we went to public school that she was possibly more ahead than we thought. DH is still struggling with this. He is still amazed at the scores on the screening test with DD8 (haven't had an ind. test).

We were very much like you, not teaching much...he just seemed to teach himself everything. We would answer questions and oversee him...but never sat down to teach ever. When we did a consult with our psychologist before doing testing she mentioned that he needs to be challenged more or he will never learn how to work at things and give up easy (as I actually was noticing at times) and she also mentioned relearning things. It is so true. He started writing at such a young age...maybe 2, that now I watch him and think about how he writes some things wrong. He doesn't do "top to bottom" sometimes, or would rather write capital letters. Because he has done it for so long it is kind of hard to get him to do it other ways. He still does it, and I praise him when he writes and uses lowercase when he should. But I do see the point about having to relearn things. We also have this problem because he plays a game on-line called "fowl words" It's a fun game you can just download on the computer where it scrambles up letters and you have to make words from them. Well on the game I swear they count abbreviations and other strange things as words (or maybe my vocabulary isn't all that good and I just think they aren't words, LOL). So now he will insist that things are words because they are on fowl words. It's quite annoying. I guess that was a little off topic, but annoying nonetheless : )

I know the feeling. DS4 started reading before he could walk or talk. We just didn't know how much until he finally talked at 2. At his pediatrician's office, he spelled all the animal names that the doctor was making sounds of. The doctor then turned around and told me I should stop teaching him or else, he will get bored in school. HELLOOOOO? It seems difficult for most people to understand that there are kids who are just self propelled. By 3, he was teaching us new things in different languages that he has picked up from the internet. I realized that people just can't accept this because they have never come across truly gifted children.

Mr W was premature, too. But he had an apgar of 9. The Ped told us at 1 mo that she had to keep reading her notes to remind herself he was a preemie as he looked her right in the eyes and smiled. At that time she said we should use the "corrected age" for his milestones. She dropped that at 3 mos. I like her a lot as she goes into technical and diagnostic details. The other docs are more high level. Maybe she is PG as she has great sensitivity.

I thought there WAS a Santa Claus when I was 3 because I had seen him arrive the Christmas before when I was 2. We even had pictures. I argued and argued with my mom and grandmother. Neither could bring themselves to tell me it was my dad.

When I was five I figured it out.

Sigh...

Same here with Santa, at 6 parents proved it to me with the dictionary. (Ficional charecter).

Yes. We've had that same experience. In fact, when my DD was barely 2 years old, I had a friend that kept asking "what's your secret?" and she even went so far as to request that I "teach [her child's name]; so that she can be like 'Boo'". She broke off the friendship and told me that she couldn't "remain friends with someone someone so selfish!"

The funny thing was that I *did* tell her what we did. She just didn't believe me. I told her we played a lot, I read a lot of books to DD, I encouraged DD to explore, I gave her lots of things to try, I let her get messy - in short we had lots of fun doing "stuff". I thought her DD was a cute kid and didn't compare them. They were barely 2 years old! I didn't see the point. Apparently, my ex-fiend spent lots of time comparing.

Now my kids are almost 5 and 3, and I still get some comments here and there - not as many, or rather (and I hate to sound cynical, because it isn't my nature) they are more veiled and harder to discern. For example, when a "friend" noticed that DD was reading, she launched into a monologue about "children's brains being damaged because their nueral pathways are set prematurely when they learn to read before the age of 7". (That was the gist of it anyway.) Then she went on to say, "...but I don't really mean your kids. (Wink, wink)". I have no idea if I should be insulted or not. I find myself wondering that very thing *every* time I spend more than two minutes with her. Needless to say, I am distancing myself from that relationship.

I don't know if I would bother to be insulted, but what an odd idea! Reading before seven can't be that uncommon, can it?? Not that I've not heard odd ideas before, but I can't bring myself to take them seriously. My personal favorite is that you can't read until you've lost your baby teeth (incisors - not all of them!) Well poor DS is apparently never going to read (*snort*) because he has no adult teeth under those lower central incisors. They may never come out! (And if they do, they'll need to be replaced with an implant.) Man, what I could have saved in books and magazines if THAT one were true! LOL

Doesn't the "it's bad for kids to read before 7" come from the Waldorf Method? At least in part?

I recall when I was researching what kind of homeschoolers we should be that this odd bit of "wisdom" seemed to be coming from Waldorf.

I know Waldorf practitioners don't each reading until age 7, and at least some schools actively discourage kids under 7 from reading, even going as far as to chastise parents if the kids read before that.

I think the foundation of the Waldorf method is words--mainly through talking and playing. But reading "early" (before 7) is not encouraged.

The "pushing" thing always cracks me up... More like trying to keep up!

I agree. The problem with putting a timetable--any timetable!--to things like reading is that there will always be kids who bloom early and kids who bloom late. As long as there are no problems or issues beneath the surface, then I really think it pays to respect a child's own timetable for learning.

There are definitely "sweet spots" with kids for learning specific things. Hit them in the sweet spot, and learning is easy. Someone here called it something like "the zone of proximal development," I think. (Not sure I got the term right and can't remember who said it--argh! Sorry!) I think that idea is totally right on!

I can't figure out how I could have kept my DS4 from reading. He was reading before 2...and even without books he would read shopping aisles, signs on the roads, etc. I never sat down with him and taught him how to sound out words. I don't think it would have been possible to keep him from reading even if I had wanted to. I agree that there is a big element of play that is needed for kids and it shouldn't all be about academics...but some are just driven that way. I had never heard that about Waldorf schools. And funny because a psychiatrist that I used to work with had his son attend a Waldorf school and was recommending it for my son when he had heard about my son being so academic at a young age. Strange. He seemed to be telling me that Waldorf would meet his needs better because he was the way he was, but maybe he was hinting that I should lay off and stop teaching DS to read, LOL.

Let's think the best and assume that he didn't realize the "no reading before 7" rule, shall we? LOL! Or maybe there's a Waldorf School near you that is more relaxed about it. As always, different schools and teachers are different.

I like that way of thinking better!

Our local Waldorf school and local Waldorf college isn't "anti-reading before 7" they're just "anti-teaching reading before 7." They heavily favor a fantastical, magical imagination and oral tradition that allows for rich language development. They also believe that if you wait to teach a child to read until maximum brain development- they will learn to read quickly and without struggle. In many ways, this actually makes sense for ND kids. Forcing reading instruction at 4 or 5 can ruin a child's love of reading, make it always a chore and create a power struggle where it doesn't need to exist. The delay in teaching writing would also solve many of our problems here- fine motor skills that don't allow the child to perform quickly enough.

I think Waldorf would have worked well for my DS. He loves pretend, poetry, music, fairy tales and could sit for hours listening to stories. The focus on ethics, emotions, morality and festive occasions would have fit nicely into our lives! That being said, we wouldn't have survived our local Waldorf methods school because they require you to get rid of your television and sign a pledge :-)

Our pediatrician was the first person we turned to for help and guidance when our son started reading spontaneously at 2 1/2, and she was completely useless. She basically told us to ignore it and focus instead on making sure he spends plenty of time outdoors (as though we kept him locked in his room, chained to a desk all day). The dr. wouldn't have believed that at that age, my son had already begun insisting on taking books outside with him, against my wishes. At 3, he once played tag with the ND neighbor kid in our front yard with his favorite Magic School Bus book tucked under his arm. I'll never forget that image.

It hadn't even occurred to me to teach my son to read when he started. Early on, my mom sent me some phonics books for him that she had found used. I stuck them in the back of the closet for when he was reading age. When I later came across them, I realized DS3 was already way past them and that my opportunity to use them had come and gone without me knowing it.

Ditto with DS5.

WOW CAMom,
This is the complete opposite of Montessori schools who preach it will be HARDER to teach a kid to read after 6. Who knows, I guess it all depends on the child.

I couldn't have kept DS6 from reading if I wanted too. He decided to learn and he learned, period. That's how he does everything, doesn't make any difference if i'm on board or not!

Last night I was in tears b/c someone had the nerve to tell me to "just let him be a kid" again. It didn't help that I'm an emotional wreck this week anyway (I know you didn't want to know that). Sadly, part of me really can't wait for the day that I can turn to that person, stick my tongue out, put my thumbs in my ears and have at her! LOL. <insert angel icon here>

Hi BWBshari,
Yeah I know we can't STOP them from learning on their own.
I was on the computer w/my DS2 today. Man what a difference. Nothing against my DS LOL but wow what a difference.
He will not even LOOK at an educational game. Won't even LOOK at the letter games. But those are the games my other DS LOVED at his age. If a child is ready they are ready, you can't force a 2 year old to read. If they are reading at 2 they are simply ready.

Hi JJmom,
I know the feeling. My boss said why don't you put him in basketball or swimming or some sports. I was so pissed off. He didn't even ask me what activites he is in, just assumed he wasn't in any. Meanwhile he was doing basketball at the time. It was as if these people are saying we are doing something WRONG which is why the kids are the way the are. I told my Boss sports won't change my childs personality. If he wants to play chess and do math and read books why is that BAD! I don't get it. These poor kids get frowned upon even by adults. It really pisses me off too!

Something else I though of for some "amunition"
I was thinking since my sitter has a child in the 5th grade, I was thinking what if the school chose to give these 5th graders 1st grade work. What would the parents say to that now??? Oh that would cause a huge uproar!!!!!!

Well then why don't we not have the right to be upset when this happens to our child. If our child is working on 5th grade level why is it OK to force the child say to do 1st grade work what does it matter the child is 5 or 6. Dk if this post is in the right place.

traceyqns: this same person suggested that i talk to the school about DS being bored, to see if they would give him extra work, etc. um, really, do you really think that i did not do that already??? why would i not talk to the people who see him on a regular basis?

DS5 plays baseball, and i get the same thing as well... um, the only reason either of my two aren't in MORE activities is solely due to cost and not wanting to overwhelm them with too many things at one time! now does that sound like a parent who is pushing her children???

I totally hear your frustration. You are not alone. I am sure most of the people on the board get the same thing. Most people just don't understand our children. They cannot imagine these young children knowing what they know and learning it by themselves. If I didn't have a gifted child would I understand , eh probably not. Peoples reaction is that we have to be pushing and drilling our children. People can't believe a child WANTS to do this stuff. My DS6 was home w/Strep throat and WANTED to do his workbook and did alomst 200 pages. How can you push a child to do that. Meanwhile I can't get the same child to get ready for bed. Now that is a struggle LOL!

I agree. DS4 learned to read and write form his toys and maybe from watching Sesame Street. Although he wasn't reading books at 2, he was reading signs and was helping me pick out stuff at the grocery. As for writing, he just picked up a pencil one day. The only thing I helped him with was to show him how to properly hold a pen and some books on cursive writing which he later taught himself at 3-3.5 yo.

Just recently I saw the movie "Little man Tate" again, the first time I saw it was about 15 years ago. My response at the time was, good movie, but kids just aren't like that. Fast foward to the present I completely get what that movie is all about now that I have a "little girl Tate" It's not what she knows, but what she understands.

What games are those?

This morning Mr W followed a Disney game while I played - he cannot work the mouse on my laptop - but he watched closely.

Mr W was pointing at and blurting out vegetables in the grocery store yesterday. ( It shocked DW and I - I don't think he is reading the signs....) Two women were trying not to stare at him.

The difference between him and other kids even twice his age is clearly noticeable. I feel guilty that I do not read to him more than twice a week. He just is.

www.starfall.com is a good one.

I watched Little Man Tate for the first time in college. I sobbed through most of it.

Thanks Kriston. This looks pretty good. He runs to watch the alphabet stuff on Sesame Street. This should really get him going!!

I will try it on him in the AM.

Starfall is a good one!

Here are a few other suggestions. PBSkids.org, FactMonster.com, Tumblebooks (http://www.tumblebooks.com/library/asp/customer_login.asp?accessdenied=%2Flibrary%2Fasp%2Fhome%5Ftumblebooks%2Easp).

Enjoy!

A good fisher price game to learn letters

http://www.fisher-price.com/us/fun/games/abczoo/default.asp

An elmo letter game

http://www.sesamestreet.org/game_pl...uid=7d1b0f7b-1646-11dd-995c-3d52ab3e4656

There is aA Big bird letter game too but the link is not working, you can find it when you look at the elmo one

He liked it a lot. Thanks.

I wish my other DS2 would watch these things!!!!!
He still gets body parts confused.
I hope he is averages at least.
I know I can't compare to DS6 but w/o any other kids to compare I hope he is at least average for his age??

I'll see what he thinks of these tomorrow.

Gosh, I am glad we had our kids in the order we did - I can't imagine trying to compare ds8 - very bright, mg, with dd2 - might be sooper dooper smart... I would have thought, oh of course he's developmentally delayed!!

I am confused Chris, dd2 is delelopmentally delayed? If so how do you know?

I have been meaning to wath Little Man Tate again. I watched it when I was a kid and fascinated. I often think of the movie now.

Oh, no, at least I don't think so. I meant I would have thought - ds when he was 3 does not compare as well with dd now, who is almost 3...she is very very verbal and all over the place with her bossiness.

Actually! maybe I should use 'cognitively delayed', neither of them are, but to be more precise. Turns out ds is probably 2e, with some social delays and some processing speed issue, but we are still working out the details on that...but I never really thought that seriously about him. These are very mild issues in the grand scheme of things and some of it is just gtness.

SpellingCity.com is a great resource, too.

And if you aren't opposed to tv time, then the LeapFrog Talking Letters, Talking words, etc. videos are really great, too. I know they helped Boo connect the dots re: reading. Racer has seen them too, but mostly he has been learning to read thanks to his sister. Almost daily, she sits down with him in their room with a small white board and goes over letters, letter sounds, words, etc.

Well, if working with your child means that you provide opportunities for them to expand their knowledge base regarding areas of interest, then color me guilty.

For example, if my child loves to read and I take him to the library 3-4 times a week, am I working with my child? Similarly, a child loves trains and the parents take this child to transportation and train museums all around their home. Is that working with a child?

Many people do work with their children but even more of us just try to keep up! Sometimes, the only way is to introduce new things to keep them busy

Are you kidding, opposed to tv??? I am trying hard to get my DS2 to watch it. He will only sit for Diego and maybe only 1/2 a show. Maybe when he gets a bit older. My other DS6 I swear watched TV after birth LOL!

Ok Chris I get it now.
I think too my DS2 is not delayed altough I don't see any gifted signs.
Interestingly my gifted DS6 was speech delayed. He had speech therapy. It was quite obvious he was delayed , doctor told me he should be saying 50 words at 2 and he said ZERO!
I guess if a child is delayed there would be red flags.
My DS2 plays noramlly w/toys, can color well, is speaking, doing well w/potty training. But he can't do puzzles or make elaborate train tracks, not interested in letters, can't do mazes or connect the dots etc. So I think he is ok but not gifted.

He may just be differently GT. I wasn't sure DS4 was GT because he wasn't into puzzles, mazes, reading, etc., as DS7 had been at a very young age. Then BOOM! He's doing 3-digit addition and subtraction in his head! DS7 was 6yo before he could do that!

Don't write your DS2 off just yet...

WOW that is crazy. I wonder if having aGT sibling does increase your chance for also being gifted. I would imagine so , but dk what the research says. I am sure the info is out there.

As I have always heard it, siblings are usually within 10 IQ points of one another, barring some brain injury. That's the number I always hear thrown around. I have no source to cite though.

Anyone know where that "common knowledge" comes from?

DS7 has always been advance. DD4 did not start talking until 3. We were so worried that she was delayed. We took her to a speech therapist when she was almost four. She was talking by that time, but not as good as DS at this age. DD didn't qualify for speech therapy (She was borderline). We took her again after she just turned 4. DD was within normal range. Then the speech therapist told us that she talked like a normal 4 YO. I guess we shouldn't have compared DD to DS in the first place :-) !

DD4 was lack of oxygen when she was born. I don't know if she will get within 10 points of DS. It will be interesting to watch.

I've heard the 10 I points thing, too.

My mother's siblings both earned PHDs, but she did not. However, both her siblings listened to her advice.

WOW really! That is interesting.

This is the attitude that irritates me - especially from other secondary teachers. I was also the type of kid who loved workbooks and learning (still am that type of kid). They all want their children to get A's just to stay in sports, but do not want them to be nerds (or geeks).

Really, if I had to divide classes or schools, it would be by attitude and many of the so-called "good students" would not be in it. I get really tired of this.

This is what I really love about magnet schools is that the populations thinks it is cool to be smart.

I came across this on Hoagies, but I couldn't find the Silverman article anywhere:

8. If one child in the family is highly gifted, is it possible that the other children are gifted also?
Yes. Recent research indicated that in many cases siblings are within ten IQ points of each other (Silverman, 1987, November). If one child is highly gifted, it is quite possible that the other children are gifted, too. In many circumstances, it is beneficial for families to have all of the children evaluated.

Silverman, L K. (1987, November). Exploding the myth of the non-gifted sibling. Paper presented at the 34th Annual Convention of the Nationa1 Association for Gifted Children, New Orleans, LA.

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/10_highly_gifted.htm

Thanks, SPG. At least I know there's some expert behind it.

It does seem a bit more wishy-washy than I have heard it. "quite possible" and "in many cases" are less powerful than I had understood things to be.

Hmmm...

The psychologist that saw DS at 2, said that there is a train of thought among Psychs that PG children really are a "freak of nature" and it doesn't have to do with genetics.

I don't really buy that. My take is purely anecdotal and deductive, but I see too many families with HG+ people on every branch of the family tree, and we KNOW that intelligence in general has a genetic component to it. So how could HG+ not have a genetic component?

I would agree that intelligence is too complex to boil down to *just* genetics. But it seems VERY clear that there is some sort of genetic component. How could there not be?

I say that DD3 is my ND child, but the other day, we sat down with a pre-k workbook, aimed at 4-5 yr olds, and she basically impressed me (read: shocked). While she is much older than DS5, when he did the same workbook pages, I am truly beginning to believe that she may also be GT. Plus, she is child #2, and it IS proven that child #2 doesn't generally develop (to the naked eye) as quickly as #1 b/c #1 is there to answer for #2 (especially when they are so close in age).

Anywho, without any tests done thus far, I would put DS5 in the moderate to highly gifted category with OE. And, if the above holds true, it would not surprise me to find that DD3 is not ND, but mild to moderate!

I also agree on the genetic component.

I have 3 VERY different children but I am betting my money on DD4 and DS2 being at least MG. They don't seem to have the same intesities or strengths as DS6 but they are both meeting academic milestones at the same rapid pace.

DS6 seems more mathematical and verbal. He also ready pretty early and has been tested at HG+.

DD4 is more physically and artistically gifted than her brothers. She currently has no interest in learning to read but I have a feeling she knows much more than she lets on.

DS2 seems to be more of a problem solver. His puzzle skills are amazing. He has also been a counting machine lately. I can't do anything without him counting things.

Only time will tell with DD4 and DS2 but statistically I don't think I could accidently have 3 gifted children without a genetic component involved.

That's what I thought at the time as well. He did say that intelligence tend to runs along the genetic tree, but once you get into really high HG+ kids there is a lot of documentation on kids that don't have the genetic support. The way I see it, it really doesn't matter why I got the kid I did.

Hah - late to the party - but particularly identify with CA Mom on the reading a chapter book in Costco - DS6 also looking more like 7 these days!