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I have a 6 yr old who is in kindergarten. He loves to read and is currently reading at a third grade level. By the second week of school his teacher had identified this and he is being pulled out of class to read with another teacher 4 days a week. One mom found out what level he is on (not from me)and started asking me questions about his ability. I tried to keep my answers limited, but I could see she was defensive about what her child was doing compared to mine. Ugh, how in the world do you talk with other moms when your child is doing advanced work? Any advice from others who have "been there done that" would be appreciated.

thanks

Ugh, I dread this. I love talking with people, but hate that reaction. It's tough because with some people, the more you say the more you seem like you are bragging...and the less you say makes it seem like you don't relate to them and think your child is better. How do you win? I have found a few parents that have gifted children, and then I get all excited because there is another gifted kid in the world...so I say a few things about my son and then they back off, and say something like "wow, well my son is not at all that advanced." Which will make me feel isolated yet again. So I am not quite sure what to say. I generally say a little thing and then wait for a reaction from them. Lately I have just been hearing what they say about their child and then I don't offer much, unless I think it is "safe." I hope to some day talk to a parent that says their child met milestones before mine did. Not sure if it will ever happen in real life but it would seriously be a dream come true. Then we could have a real conversation because I am not defensive at all. And then I could feel comfortable being open about what my son is doing and has been doing forever. And we could share the joy and heartaches of having a child that advanced.

Hi mjb, I'm not the best person to ask as I tend to bury my head in the sand! I just sound very vague or say something like "oh yes, he enjoys reading" and then I try to change the subject as quickly as possible. I also say things like "I've no idea, he doesn't talk about what he does in school very much, you know what boys are like".

As I said I don't think that this is the best approach, I just struggle to deal with it - people must think that I am really out of touch with my son and what he does at school!

Maybe someone else has some good quotes we can use when approached by the endless supply of curious parents?

XX

LOL, sometimes I have said things like "he's a character" or "he's different" But then sometimes people look at me like I am putting my son down. Which is not at all my intent and then makes me feel bad because I am so proud of him. But it seems to work for me at times when I follow up. I think I start like that so it doesn't sound like I am bragging. Such as "well, he has very different interests then other kids his age." or "he isn't really interested in action figures, he is more into computers." But what I say the most (since I am social worker), is that while I am more socially driven...he is more academically driven. I just say that he loves to learn and is very interested in academic type pursuits. I often leave it at that, unless I feel that I should give more information. And that being said, I don't really bring it up...this is only if someone comes over to me and says something like "your son is reading!!" At least he is getting bigger so it is not as awkward when he reads.

I've had some success with something like "Yes, isn't he? I decided I wouldn't teach him to read before he started school, and then he went and taught himself. Just goes to show how little we control about our children, doesn't it?" (True story! I was interested in the "teach your baby to read" idea as I knew my mother had used flashcards a bit with me; I went and read various things on both sides, and decided it was better to leave it entirely up to him, and just fine if he started school not reading at all. Then he was spelling-obsessed by 2.5 :-)

I just ran into this for the first time this weekend at a b-day party. My DD5 was recently skipped to 1st grade. As soon as the kids were out of ear shot the questions started. So was DD bored in kindergarten? me - I think 1st grade is working well for her. You must of worked with her a lot at home? Me.. I just followed her lead on what she wanted to learn. (It's funny there's a girl in my daughters class that sings like an angel and I bet no one asked her mom if she worked with her a lot at home.)

The mom was nice I think I just didn't know what to say without getting into details of what my daughter can do. I didn't want to sound like I was bragging. I'm interested in any tips on what to say as well, I have a feeling I'm going to run into this some more.

I find that the best responses are short and sweet -- "Yep, he's pretty quick!" and move on if at all possible. If they keep at it, I'm honest about the issues. After all, they asked! If they act jealous or say their child could be advanced too, I usually go with, "Oh, then you should ask that he be assessed!", nice and cheery. As it becomes clear that I'm not going to play the competitive game, most people let it rest.

As ds6's new school, all the kids are gifted, but grouped by ability. It's interesting to watch--everyone wants to know what the other kids are doing, but no one wants to ask! It's a self-imposed "don't ask don't tell" policy that works beautifully to quell competition. If only the world were like that!

I agree with Mia, short and sweet. I also agree with the rest of what she said, if a parent is persistent in their questioning, I'm honest. They call it bragging, I call it the truth!

OH I got caught with my pants down on this one. One of the moms in my son's K class found out from her DD that DS was getting sent out for reading. She had asked her DD who was the smartest kid in class and the DD named my son. Well, it was some kind of party and as I walked up, 4 moms were standing at the door. When I walked up, without saying hello, they said "SO what's your son's reading level?" WE had recently gotten report cards and the reading level is stated on the card. I was shocked. I just didn't know what to say as I didn't expect to be ambushed. Luckily, the teacher walked up and invited us to come into the class.

I seriously dreaded this last year when the news leaked that Miss 7 was grade skipping and Miss 4 was trialling a higher grade. What I learned is that most of the uncomfortableness and awkwardness was about ME. Most of the conversations were instigated just out of curiosity. Most mums really didn't want detailed answers and they really weren't that interested in what we were or weren't doing!!! Their questions were easily answered in 25 seconds. While I personally prefer to fly under the radar with most things, I learned that I could easily pass my awkwardness and insecurity onto my daughters. I don't want them to feel weird or uncomfortable about themselves, but there I was literally hiding in a broom closet to avoid a particular set of parents. Grief!!! So it was a big lesson in staying in touch with my authentic self and projecting this onto my daughters. Here's hoping that the lessons have stuck and that I don't find myself hiding tomorrow when we go back to school!!! jojo