Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Argumentative and 2E

My DD10 is driving me crazy! She has become very argumentative about everything. If I say the sky is blue she will respond "no it's not, it's.....". She also refuses to accept that she might be wrong about something. For example, if we are practicing spelling words (she is definitely NOT a gifted speller) and I tell her a word is not correct the conversation will go something like this:

Mom: That isn�t right, try it again
DD: Yes it is
Mom: No, it isn�t�you said T-E-R-R-A-B-L-E but the correct spelling is I-B-L-E
DD: That�s what I said
Mom: No, you said A
DD: No, I didn�t, you just didn�t hear me
Mom: I heard you just fine
DD: No you didn�t, I know what I said

This could go on ad nauseum like this until I get mad and tell her �fine, you know everything and I don�t know what I�m talking about�. I know�not a very adult response! This same conversation occurs whether I am correcting selling, science, social studies or even what time of day it is. I would think it was normal preteen, parents don�t know anything, stuff but this has been going on for a year or more and has escalated at school as well. She has been arguing with her teachers the same way.

I�m not sure where this is coming from or how to approach correcting the behavior. DD is non-attentive type ADHD and is formally tested GT in math but tests around 95% in all academic subjects. She is in 5th grade and just this year was moved up to an advanced 6th grade math class. This is working out well but I know she is not being adequately challenged in her other subjects. I have noticed that the behavior is worse in the mornings before she has had her meds so it might be related to the ADHD but I have a feeling that it just seems worse then because she is more prone to blurting out what she is thinking instead of thinking before she speaks, something that has improved greatly since she has been on her Adderall. I am at the end of my rope with this and it is starting to get her into trouble at school. I have been considering taking her to a therapist. Anybody have and experience with this or suggestions? I�m open to any and all ideas!!

My 10-year-old homeschooled son says he has to argue with me because there isn't anyone else to practice his debate skills with.

Wikipedia has solved some disputes, but he likes to argue about moral and ethical and social kinds of things where what is right and what is wrong are debatable.

I am actually encouraging this. I don't know it all, even "experts" don't know it all, so I could be wrong occasionally. If my son thinks he can successfully argue his point, while being respectful, then great. I think this can turn out to be a good life skill.

He usually has to do some online research to back up his argument and he learns from it.

Oh, lourdy, I hope someone has ideas, because lately my ds6 is the exact same way. A sample conversation that we had the other day:

ds: Mama, do you know what 12x13 is?
Me: Um, 156.
ds: No, 154!
Me: No, honey, I think it's 156.
ds: No, really, it's 154! REALLY! REALLY, mama, I'm right!
Me: <sigh> Ds, what is 12x12?
ds: 144 -- oh, you're right, it's 156.

It happens several times a day and is starting to get irritating. It's usually with quick mental math errors he makes, but sometimes it's about some random fact, and those are harder to prove if we don't have a computer nearby. I've resorted to whipping out my iPhone to prove that a cheetah is really the fastest land animal and that it really *does* go 70 mph!

So no suggestions, just commiseration.

We have the same conversations: This one is from last Thursday

Mom: You might want to check your answer to 8x4
DS9: It's 36 and that's what I wrote
Dad: Nope, it's not
DS9: But that's what the teacher said
Dad: Teachers can make mistakes too
DS9: IT'S 36!
Mom: 4x1 =
DS9: sigh, stomp 4
all they way to 8x4 = 32 (sighs, stomping and rolling of eyes all the way)
DS9: But the teacher said 36!!!
Mom: Even if she did, I don't think the entire world is going to change the times tables...

Actually, the only suggestions I have, is that when DS starts to argue these type of points, I just tell him that we'll talk when he is willing to listen as well as argue and then walk away. If it escalates to a temper tantrum, he gets sent to his room until he calms down. If he misses soccer practice because his homework isn't done that's his consequence. He had the opportunity to calm down and listen.

Good luck all and I'm eagerly awaiting some other suggestions

I'm with you, elh0706. The only thing we can do with MrWiggly at times is that exact same approach. Funny thing is that once you stop responding with the correct answer he typically "discovers" for himself that the other person was right.

I have also found that it just is not worth the effort to get into the power struggles over most issues that MrWiggly argues about. I typically respond with "fine, if that's you believe to be correct" or something along those lines and let it go. Unless it's a parenting issue that requires me to stand firm!

We've also taken some opportunities like this to discuss the difference between fact and opinion. So sometimes we actually are expressing and debating opinions now instead of arguing about a math fact.