Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy gifted interpretation of social cues

I saw this in another thread and thought I'd pick it out for a thread of its own.

I find my own ability and my boys' abilities to spot social cues way before everyone else does to be a hinderance to socializing.

For example, I can tell when people are getting angry or are being insincere long before other people in a setting can. Naturally, I respond to those cues; I am a social being, after all.

Rite uses those abilities well. He's able to prevent fights, encourage success and help other kids develop their potential. He is a leader. He's a gifted leader. His teachers, friends and the adults in his life notice this and capitalize on it. It benefits Rite (15).

Mite and I, however, are more reactive and less proactive with it. I'm working on this with the Mite, but it is the blind leading the blind.

I'm curious how other gifted kids channel this uncanny and often disconcerting ability?

do you see it in yourself or in other gifted people and kids??

Hmmm... This is an interesting topic, but I can't say much about it firsthand. I'm kind of a social dunce myself. I tend to say the wrong thing, so I try to just stick to the facts. Sometimes, even that gets me in trouble!

DD seems to make friends much more easily than I did at her age. I remember being afraid of the other kids because they seemed totally unpredictable. Adults were much easier for me to be around. I see more of me in DS. Once, at a playdate when he was about 2, he came up to me and said, "What does that boy want?" He had no idea how to interact with the other child.

I have noticed a girl a DD's school who seems to be a gifted leader. Everyone just gravitates toward her--kids and adults. Everyone seems to know her. I can't put my finger on what it is, but she definitely has charisma (or something!)

I also think that perfectionism is part of the mix. Somehow, many of us, particularly the female ones, thing that we should never, ever make a social mistep. As I've learned about how gifted folks can be overly demanding of ourselves, and others, I've been a little more forgiving of my social gaffes. Afterall, how many of us grew up comparing ourselves to the characters in books? Good in someways, but a bit unrealistic, no?

I do also get in trouble for being "too alert." I've mostly learned through trial and error, when to say, "You look upset" and when to pretend that everything is fine. LOL - in my early 20s I was once in a consiousness raising group where all the other women identified as ACoAs (Adult Children of Alcoholics) and after hearing about this trait of being hyperalert to social cues, and hyperjudgemental about social gaffes, were convinces that there must have been a secret alcoholic in the family. To my knowledge there is not, but I wonder about the parallels. Any ideas?

Great Topic, WG!
Trinity

I ih think that hyperalert and hyperjudegmental is a side effect of hyperbright and hypersensorisensitive:^) (New words!!!)

Maybe because we are just a little different, just as the AcoAs would be, we tend to watch watch watch and be ready. Maybe it is a defense mechanism for the gifted, too.

I am definitely hyperalert and hyper-self-judgmental. I test as an INFJ on Myers-Briggs, which fits. I have found, though, that all this serves me very well as a counselor. Once the door is closed, my clients can talk honestly about what is really going on with them and I can really help them. If they aren't telling the whole story, I can use my hypersensitivity to help us figure out useful questions or observation to help them see more of what is happening. I find that really fulfulling and I have reason to believe that I do my job well.

There are two problems though. The first is that you can't do this at cocktail parties--I really feel emotionally beat up after mingling (why did that person stop talking to me after only 3 minutes? Did they really need to go to the bathroom or do the hate me? why are we wasting our time talking about the price of grapes at Safeway, when we could be talking about something important? etc) The second is that after being with other people, even in the course of my work (which is fulfulling) I need a lot of recovery time. After I am so busy picking up on what other people are thinking/wanting/needing, I need time just to get back into my own body/mind and think about what I want/need. As a result I am pretty socially reclusive.