Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Talking about death

Yesterday DD3.5 was talking to me about Tarantulas and Scorpions. She was probing me with questions and I was making my answers as elaborate as I could, the way she likes it.

DD has the tendency to become intense with some ideas and tends to overanalyze thoughts. One day, for instance, what started as a simple conversation about the moon – lead by her probing questions – went into topics like dinosaurs becoming extinct (the “meteor strike” theory), and what would happen to earth if an asteroid fell today, how much fire would there be, if the oceans would burn too, would that fire from asteroid be the same as the one on the cooking range etc? And when I couldn’t keep up with offering a very clear explanation to her questions, I showed her a Discovery Channel video on YouTube that simulated an asteroid impact on Earth. She got glued to the video and continued watching it nearly 20-25 times over the following days.

Coming back to Tarantulas and Scorpions, the conversation on Scorpions transformed into a topic about Venom. The Scorpion, the stinger, the venom. Venom is a new concept for her, and she started probing into it – what happens if Scorpion stings, how will the venom go into us, what happens if we touch the venom, would it hurt, do we need a shot, do animals have venom, does Python have a venom etc.

I explained as much as I could, but stopped short of mentioning that – at times, certain venoms could even cause death. I haven’t used that D word with her before, and I really don’t know if she knew the concept of death. (So often, we realize that she knew more than we thought she knew)

At 3.5 years, and considering how intense her thoughts and emotions could get at times, I’m concerned about introducing the idea so early. Either she won’t go much into it, or she’ll get glued to it for weeks. And I’m concerned about fielding questions she might ask further, which may be something like “Can I see death?” “Have you seen anyone die?” “What will happen after we die?” Or such.

Am I doing the right thing? Considering her intensities, do you think I should answer factually about it? Or should I just leave it, until she figures it herself someday?

You may have already seen these previous threads on talking about death...
1) Questions about death - normal?
2) Death: Reassuring very young child
3) Existential Depression in a 5 year old??
4) Gifted kids dealing with death.
5) Preparing DD for expected death in the family?
6) Fearing death - asking big questions
7) Discussing death with a 3-year-old?

In addition to the brief roundup above, there are some interesting resources on Hoagies' Gifted Education Page:
1) Hoagies' Gifted Education Page offers a collection of resources on Grief & Mourning.
2) Hoagies' Gifted Education Page hosted a September 2017 Blog Hop on a related topic: Spiritual/Philosophical Anxiety.

I think my DD was that same age when she picked up a book on the JFK assassination, flipped to the photos, and asked pointed questions about what they depicted. I had the same reservations you have, but I went ahead and answered her questions.

No obvious harm was done, and it might be better to introduce this sooner rather than later. Most pre-schoolers don't seem to get the concept of permanence, and already being familiar seems to soften the blow for later.