Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Inventive play vs Following game rules

DD is 3Y4M old and always seems to like to invent her own way of playing with her toys and games instead of the actual way they are meant to be played. When we try to explain her how a new game was to be played, she ignores it and makes up her own game with it. For instance, we got her Muffin Matchup - she converted that into an imaginary game of making and serving breakfast muffins, arranging them in patterns and playing her own made-up muffin counting game etc.

I understand sometimes it'd be best to follow their lead and let their creativity flow. But then, when she does it for nearly every toy or game we get, I'm getting kind of sandwiched between - to what extent should I let her make up her own games vs if / when I should insist her to adhere to the guidelines of a particular game so she learns to play it the way it's meant to be played.

The issue with the "her own game" approach is that, she tends to get frustrated when things don't work the way she's trying to make them work and tends to resist help as she wants to figure it out herself. The issue with the "insisting on adhering guidelines" approach is, she feels she's being tied down into a particular line of thinking and wants the independence of doing it her way.

Any inputs on if there is any other optimal method of managing the play?

At that age, I'd go with the flow and let her do what she wants when it's just her and you playing. If she's playing with friends, maybe make a rule that you play the game by the common rules unless everyone agrees to a change.

DD10 was and still is totally like this. Drove her rule-following father nuts. For him, it didn't matter that she spent endless days happily playing with her game pieces - their purpose was to play that specific game and the game was wreaked if its cupcake game pieces ended up baked in her kitchen.

But it seems to be very much how she expresses her creativity. For instance, she loves arts of all kinds, but won't take a class where she has to reproduce a specific pre-defined product, whether it's a painting, ceramics or musical theatre. She will only participate in activities where she is given tools and techniques, but can use them to create whatever she wants. Doesn't make life the easiest(!), but it seems to be a deep and utterly consistent streak in her since she was a baby.

The best we have been able to do is make sure she does understand the rules and how other people use them, and the importance of agreeing with others on what rules will be used, when. To be honest though, while she can play a heavily structured game, she mostly just avoids activities that don't allow for a pretty significant amount of open-ended interpretation of what could happen next. Imaginary play remains a big deal for this one.

I'm familiar with a child who could tell at a glance what picture would emerge when all the numbered holes on lacing cards were followed in order. In this child's mind, a plain butterfly was so... plain... and a better use of the laces and cards would be to decorate the butterfly's wings in a radiant pattern rather than outline them. Unfortunately, the laces were too short... or there were not enough of them, resulting in the butterfly not receiving upgraded wing designs... but only in the child taking an unusually long time to outline the wings (after un-lacing several times, tying laces together, trying a new approach to the design, untying laces, etc).

Very wise! The lacing experiments mentioned above were conducted by this child in a corner of the kindergarten room, when, unbeknownst to the child, they were being observed as the subject of an IQ assessment being conducted. When learning this after-the-fact, the child went into self-advocacy mode and stated that had they been told in advance, they would have simply followed the conventional rules.

Consensus rules is how we play all games, in part to address the challenge of other children having learned the "wrong" rules for games. Any rules that are moral, ethical, and safe are allowed, as long as everyone participating agrees on them beforehand. And rules can only be changed mid-game if, again, everyone agrees to the rule change. This also allows for individualized, inclusive rules (e.g., if everyone agrees that the least skilled player -- usually the much younger sibling of someone present -- may play with significantly modified rules, then that is allowed, and they are not considered to be cheating).

Most of the time, though, our collection of board games goes unused, or is repurposed. I think they also prefer games they invent (like trying to land paper airplanes on the ceiling fan (not while it is turning--tried it, doesn't work!)), most of which are noncompetitive.