Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy self advocacy question - 6 year old

We've tried to advocate for harder math for our MG 6 year old and basically hit a wall. It's another story, but for the sake of argument let's assume that he will not get more accommodations in math than what he's getting now.

We knew his frustration with the lack of challenging math at school was brewing and we'd been discussing it with him.

Last week we discovered a note he'd written to his school principal, placed inside the "hand in" folder for his classroom.

His dad found it and they had a talk about how to approach such a conversation and his dad told him to let us talk to the teachers. I have seen a lot of people talk about teaching the kids to advocate for themselves, though, and I wonder if he's old enough? He's almost 7 and even though he won't get any changes in his classroom he might benefit from standing up for himself.

Again a day later we found that during his playtime on the computer at home he had looked up how to write a respectful letter and had filled in a form letter on the computer again to his principal, and again in secret. (It's kind of awesome, proud of him!) Round 2 said something more polished.

So I was out of town but I got a chance to talk to him and he said he is happy with his afterschool math but "It's only once a week! I want it every day at school!"

But should we let him meet with the Principal? Even if it's going to go nowhere?

I'd say that it depends.

At that age, my DD was able to do some self-advocacy with adults, but it was a little erratic, and sometimes she would shut down and become mute due to anxiety if she felt that the conversation was going nowhere.

Then again, I also found that when she advocated, it was generally far more effective with adults who figured that she was the product of helicopter parenting run amok.

I might be inclined to let him try, in light of what you've posted-- give him YOUR availability, and tell him to set up a meeting with the principal at a time when you can go along as the silent partner in the room. I would probably NOT want him to go into such a meeting alone, no matter how good his social skills seem for his age. I wouldn't have even with my DD, and she's something like a social savant.

She definitely was running her own advocacy show with her 504 meetings by age 12 or so, however-- and some of those meetings were anything but easy or cordial. IMMV.

When it comes to acceleration, self-advocacy was the only thing that was effective for my son. I live in Tiger Parent Territory and every parent in my area seemingly has a HG/PG child who requires a few grade levels worth of acceleration. The admins have heard it all and know how to push back effectively. But, when a child speaks up about their preexisting knowledge, asks insightful questions in class room discussions, enthusiastically throws themselves into open ended challenges, asks the teacher for work that is more challenging, then, they are willing to consider that the child is interested rather than it being parent-led interest.

My child got harder work (multi year acceleration) based on his self-advocacy (finishing his work quickly and asking for harder work to do in the leftover time every single day), bringing above level books to read in free reading time, working on very challenging projects for his free choice assignments, asking the teacher explicitly for challenging assignments, sometimes even asking the teacher if he would be allowed to sit in the higher grade room with older kids etc.

I would like to add that I had advocated in the past (different school) with less than stellar results

Self-advocacy is very effective for a child interested in "challenging" academics and age 6-8 is a great time because children at that age cannot be coached by a parent to say the things that they say and the self-advocacy comes out as spontaneous, genuine and earnest. My only advise is to let your son know that formal meetings with the principal are not necessary as a first step - he can just talk to the teacher about it while he also tries to demonstrate his grasp of subject matter. Most teachers are willing to listen to 6 year olds who have requests for more difficult work

I think you should absolutely let him self-advocate! I think his personal plea might actually have a stronger influence on the principal, especially considering his age. I would think you would follow up, especially when he gets an answer, but there's nothing better than a kid so frustrated he's willing to talk to the principal.

What a great kid!

I think the self advocacy is great and should be encouraged!

As an aside, there will be people who do not believe you, the parent, didn't put him up to it. However in my experience, these people's opinions probably cannot be changed no matter how the request was proposed.