Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments School Choices HELP!

I am new at the posting, but have been looking around on the site for the past few months. I have spent the summer in distress about my DS4 (5 in 2 months), who was starting the Pre-K at Public school. He started last Thursday and it was worse than anticipated. Tried again Friday and aren't sending him back Monday. He spoke 3 inaudible words on Thursday and said nothing on Friday, but when I pick him up it is nonstop talking. He ask me about the Gazebo outside, because he had been looking at it out the window of his class. On Friday he locked me out of the car and begged for me not to make him go in there. The night before he told me he would runaway from school and he was never going back. There are more examples to list, but I will spare you. Needless to say, this is not my son!!! He was distant on the first day and started lashing out more on the following.

Before starting school I called the GT teacher and emailed, with no replies. Spoke to the counselor, who says oh he will be fine and testing is unneccessary, because if you test this young they almost always test gifted. Along with a book recommendation that pales in comparision to anything else I have read. I guess it is fine if you want more opinion than research, cartoon illustrations throughout, and dumbed down writing. I guess I take offense to underestimating my son's abilities and mine as well.

School teacher just says it's okay and he'll get along with the program. What program I ask myself? He tells me they are having snacks, playing on the playground, group bathroom trips, and singing nursery songs. Head, shoulders, knees, and toes anyone? What is he suppose to do? At home he is labeling parts of the skeletal system and organs, why would he point to his head while singing along. He has mastered all the skills for Pre-K and almost all of K. We struggle with some fine motor, but what is in his head and what thoughts he conveys, I don't understand how I or they can expect him to assimilate to his age peers.

After my ramblings, my questions are:

1. Is it right to not send him back? (I guess I'm seeking validation.)

2. We are strongly considering Montessori, becuase of individual pace and flexibility of learning. This school goes up to 8th grade and then off to find another option for high school. Comments?

3. GT school?

4. Other private?

I worry about him because he is so self-directed. Montessori is basically how we naturally function at home, so it seems like a good fit, but getting in can prove challenging because of size limitations. I just want more info on long term adjustment from Montessori. I just feel like right now with Public we are getting the response of we will just keep smashing away until your round son fits into our square hole. I do not want to lose my son!!! What is wrong with being a square?

Ok only since you asked but this is just my opinion.

I would send him back. To do otherwise says - if you don't like something you just don't show up. Plus with so little time spent, you probably aren't 100% on what his issue is. It is possible that once some of the kids in class get into a groove he'll find his place. Now mind you, I view sending him to another school an option but I would switch schools. Not "quit" one and then find one and then start. You know. Might just be me.

I think the "all kids test high" is a pile of crap. our all gt charter school struggled to get enough kids in the door because at least half of the kids would miss the cut off. yes, i think a lot of kids score high at that age -- because the testing is parent directed - we are seeking it. ug, that was a silly thing to tell you.

If you are turning 5 in oct - have you thought about early entrance - albeit I know not as popular with the boys as the girls. or private K?

No matter how fabulous our kids are they still need to follow the rules. I'd give it a college try for a week while looking into openings in other programs... and if it doesn't shape up - move to another program.

Just one opinion.

How 'bout Private testing? If he's legal in your state to enter K, then he's legal to skip to 1st grade, but without test results, I don't know if it would fly. If you can afford the Montessori or private GT school, I would at least investigate their programs to see if they're much different for K age (most school settings have playground, bathroom trips, songs, etc...I don't care much for it myself).
My youngest DS was tested shortly before he turned 5 and I brought the results into the principal. His skills were developed, which is always a concern with teachers/admin. He could read, write short sentences, basic math. Based on IQ and Achievement (skills), the principal let him go right into 1st grade (Note--none of my advocacy has ever gone that smoothely before or since). It has to be easy for them. Maybe pleasantly asking if they'd let him try two weeks in the 1st grade? Every school is different and maybe that's not at all possible at your school.

I'm not sure if this is relevent to your situation, but I was just reading an article by Deborah Ruf about boys in early entrance situations. http://www.educationaloptions.com/news_Apr_08.htm#one

Certainly, not all boys are going to have problems in an academic setting. But I found it validating in that it suggests that just because a kid is quite gifted, it doesn't mean that early school is best. But sometimes a year of hanging out at home and playing with parents and neighborhood kids can be good for a kid.

acs - I've read that article and I totally agree with it for some kids (not just boys). I think it definitely was true for my DS7. He went to kindergarten old for grade (turned 6 in Oct after he started K). I think he learned a lot more that year before K (and was a lot happier) by not going to school a year earlier. We did an all day, structured rigorous kindergarten. Just because a kid is HG+, doesn't mean he/she is emotionally and physically ready to sit and listen (and buy into) a teacher's agenda all day.

I know another MG boy who went to K the same year as my son. He turned 5 right before kindergarten started. He was very engaged in kindergarten, and his general behavior was considerably better than my DS's. He is a kid that likes structure and rules. It has a lot to do with personality and temperament.

I know there is a lot to consider and our brains are on fire with these scenerios. He is not one to do or demonstrate something simply because you ask him, referring to participation and skills. He is content to work quietly alone for long periods of time. He has never enjoyed or joined in despite exposure to birthday parties, storytimes, playgrounds, etc. He likes to make his niche and explore alone or with us. The exception is if adults or older children are accessible he will seek them out. However, this does not seem to be the case with his teacher. I should clarify a patronizing adult he will dismiss.

It is a public offering for all. It is NOT mandatory. It is part of the public school, not like head start. This demographic should be roughly the same for K and on.

Well, assuming the child doesn't overreact and act like this every time a situation isn't 100% perfect, I don't agree, kickball. The child LOCKED HIS MOM OUT OF THE CAR to avoid going to school! This does not seem to me to be a little thing!

Far from saying that the rules (???) don't apply, I think that pulling a miserable child out of school says, "I understand that you're really, severely unhappy and ill-placed, and I am on your side. You can count on me to safeguard your interests." That's important for a child to hear from a parent. If he were 12 and chose the program himself, then I can see making him tough it out. But the kid is 4!

A week is a huge amount of time for a miserable 4yo. And it doesn't sound like this school is even trying to help. They don't get him, and they don't sound like they intend to. What light is there at the end of that particular tunnel? I'm not seeing it.

I'm not saying that every mom should pull every child out of school at the first sign of trouble. But I firmly believe that if your mom-gut says "pull him" or "accelerate him" or "change programs," and *you're* not the sort to overreact any more than your child is, then I think that's what you do. Moms are usually right.

Pre-K is not a requirement, so if you don't think the situation is going to improve, if you don't think this is just part of the normal adjustment to being away from home, if you think he shouldn't be there anymore, then I think it's perfectly reasonable to pull him out, accelerate him or switch programs.

CFK-- I just wanted to say that I love your post! I think your experience with 2 kids with similar ability and different temperments really gives you great perspective.

I have a kid much like you 9 year old and sometimes that limits my ability to understand kids like your older boy. That's why I love this board--more perspectives!

I really appreciate the feedback. It is amazing, but when you consider statistic no so, that more people don't understand. I stopped working a year ago, to focus on facilitating his learning more. It had gotten to the point that I needed to stop to keep up and now a year later I feel I am drowning a bit again. I can't emphasis resources enough. I just keep finding more information and things to expose him to and it is amazing the overall growth. He just wants more, so that is why I think school is frustrating. I am sorry to hear about your son, because that is what I fear if I leave him in this situation. I can stretch myself and give more and he can stay home if needed. I was amazed the emotional change in him after just 2 days of school. It leads me to believe he would internalize and implode. The aspect of his academic gains is far outweighted in my mind by the need to raise a healthy, well adjusted person, who can hopefully cope and function in the world. The bitter true is it is so intertwined.