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not to highjack this thread, but spaghetti - I am having this exact problem with my DD9. She is constantly rude, and I am constantly saying "is there a way you could say that that would make me actually want to help you?" and then she says it more politely.

And sibling rivalry is horrible in my house, a great deal of the time because she takes potshots at her older brother.. example: if he says he loves something, she will immediately chime in that it is the worst thing in the world.

I will have to go back and read the beginning of this thread - I need to do something about her behavior. For a long time I thought it was due to anxiety, but now I'm wondering how to change it because she won't survive long in the world this way…people will knock her down hard.

Ah OP's child is 2.5. I think I would attribute some of it to terrible twos…so allow for that. But don't let it get to where I am, with a 9 year old.

spaghetti- Did it start at 4 or you finally got past it at 4? I NEED to know someone else had a child come out of the womb this sassy and sucessfully turned it around. It is so hard some days. Having two girls I expected to deal with this attitude at some point, but not this early.I almost think regular two year old tantrums would be less frustrating ( I know, be careful what I wish for right?) Its hard not to wonder at times, if she started like this at 2 what are the teen years going to be like?!

LAF- Your sentence sums up my current delimma exactly. I am very much struggling to tow that line between remembering shes two, but, being terrified if I don't figure out how to start turning this around it could get really out of hand. Especially considering her advanced vocabularly....she may someday be able to easily out talk me.

I used to tell DD's daycare teachers that I was dropping off my sullen teenager, back when she was 3 or 4. She is a polite, well-behaved child now, and also very funny. (The other day, DH installed an LED in the toilet, so the bowl glows red when the lights are off and it senses someone moving in the bathroom. (Don't ask why.) He came in and announced that we had a glowing red toilet. DD12 looked at him in mock horror and asked, "What did you eat?")

I didn't reply before because I'm not sure what we did that made her turn around (if anything). It felt like we just waited it out.

Thanks for the reply Elizabeth. Good to know there is hope

KatieM, we actually had a child behavioural specialist come to the house to help us deal with DS6's behaviour when he was three and a half years old, and it was pretty much exactly for all the issues you describe. I think his behaviour was/is probably attributable to a number of factors: his intensity, his strong desire for everything to be "accurate" (because of his perfectionism, I guess), and the fact that he truly needed to understand "why" we were supposed to be the ones in control (the explanation that satisfied him was that as his parents, we would go to jail if we didn't do a proper job of keeping him safe and healthy). Also, apparently GC often experience a great deal of frustration because they have a deeper understanding of the world around them without necessarily having the emotional maturity to deal with it.

Of course, just because you understand where it's coming from doesn't mean that it's any easier! Anyway, she was basically a parenting coach and provided us really invaluable help. He's doing much better now, though we definitely still experience some tough periods...

OP - for what it's worth, my DS2 is almost as sassy as your DD. He's not as verbal...yet. He's learning ASL, English, and Spanish so he lags a bit right now. However, he comprehends pretty much everything we are saying and if we say "where is the star?" he'll look right at the star, smirk, then point to the square. *facepalm* He knows, but he thinks it's funnier to get it wrong on purpose. He does tell me "uh uh" and "not like that" then shoves kids/people to the side to teach them his (right) way. He's big into correcting and has a very black and white sense of what should/should not be. I understand how frustrating it can be. We are working with a developmental psychologist and doing some behavior modification with him. He's not very emotionally attuned, but we're working on it. It is SO hard to understand when to treat them on their cognitive level versus chronological age; it's even harder to explain it to others. I get told frequently that when I talk to DS about his feelings and why we do/don't do something people think I'm nuts - that he can't understand me. He does understand fully, but he's also not quite two so he has no impulse control or coping skills yet. Also to that end, when other parents see me get frustrated because of his behavior (fiercely independent) they feel the need to remind me that he's still only two. I'm right there with you, I don't know what I'd do if I had two kiddos, though. One is already a handful!

spaghetti, I think I will be re-reading your post above many times over the next while, as we struggle to deal with some unpleasant and increasingly entrenched habits in the way DD talks to people. Thank you for sharing - and please do feel free to add any more details of how you met this challenge. I think I could use as much advice as you have, especially since DD is 9. Her complete lack of response to any kind of extrinsic motivator has left us highly ineffective in this realm.

Spaghetti wow! Thank you for sharing! Funny about the potty training. I almost pushed my DD into potty training around 18m mark. She was showing signs she was ready. She was asking to sit on the potty, she had long since been able to ask for diaper changes and was increasingly aggitated with even a tiny tinkle in her diaper. I let her try, she was very interested until she figured out how it all worked and then stopped. I asked her ped about it at her 2yr check up because I KNOW she understands how it works and is capable she simply just chooses not too. He warned me she would do exactly what your daughter did at 2 if I pushed her. I put her back in diapers, she is a little over 2.5 now and finally showing interest again (on her own) and its going smoothly so far.

Omg I could have written the potty post. I too tried at 18 months. DD didn't train until 3.5 because she didn't want to do something that was my idea. I realized at 2.5 that I should back off. When she was 3.5 her 18 month old cousin trained herself. That embarrassed DD so she potty trained that weekend.