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DS9 will start middle school (fifth grade) in September and turn 10 in October.

We were so sure that we were going to enrol him in the congregated gifted program of the other side of town, but now we are having second thoughts and are very conflicted.

The "regular" option would be the public college prep track middle/high school right next door to his catholic elementary, around 700 students. College prep track in this country was originally designed for kids around the 80th percentile and above, but the enrolment is closer now to 60th percentile and above, with high attrition rates making it around the 70th percentile by graduation. He would enter the science track with physics starting in 7th and chem (I think) in 8th, two foreign languages starting in 5th (English) and 6th (French or Latin). A number of kids from his present class might go there. It's in the town center this side of the state line and his father teaches there, too. They have a very successful robotics program. One of their strengths is supporting immigrant kids, but their language arts are comparatively weak.

The gifted program is one track of a somewhat larger public college track middle/high school (over a thousand students) on the other side of town across the state line. There are no other gifted options. The class will be made up of kids from all over the region. The cutoff is in theory a score of 120 on a group test, however, most parents will prefer a borderline child to excel in regular college prep track rather thanh be challenged in a gifted track, so the cohort tends to skew higher - as in, kids will be enrolled if parents think they really need the challenge and the different environment, because there is a stigma attached rather than prestige. The curriculum is the regular college prep curriculum, telescoped weekly, with about a fifth of the instructional time devoted to enrichment. Its also bilingual, as in a few classes will be taught in English (not our instructional language). It's in another state and the state curriculum is considered comparable to ours, though not quite as rigorous. They have robotics team and math Olympiad team. I think they may have better exchange programs - though I have so many friends in English and French speaking countries, we may easily set up something privately. Music offerings are probably comparable.

The huge con of the gifted program is the commute. 50 - 60 minutes on the city bus there and back again, changing at the central station during rush hour. The area the school is in is considered a ghetto, with drug dealing, though I am not sure how much it impacts students on the way to class - it WiLL be dark in the mornings in winter.

The second con is related: with the big catchment area, friends might live wherever. There are a few families scattered in our town we might set up car pools with, but it will be a huge hassle, as compared to the other school where he would just ride with his dad in the mornings and take the city bus In the afternoon for a 20 minute ride. The regular school also appears to have better lunch and afternoon care options.

Academically, in the regular school, he will not be challenged intellectually in math and science at all. He might find a little challenge in language arts or foreign languages, though I doubt it. However, it will not be mind numbing boredom, either. I have heard criticism that the combination of telescoping/enrichment in the gifted track isn't ideal either, because it's not really "more" or "harder" - just less time on task, and time wasted on project type stuff that doesn't really go anywhere.

Socially, he did alright in the high SES catholic elementary he went to. W had decided against another grade skip (he's already entered early) because he wasn't ready socially and it has worked out very well in that he is happy with the class and school he's in, and enjoys the many projects and field trips (there is a LOT of worship, and they prepare it well, skits, music etc and he's enjoyed that - much better than spending time on doing work that was too easy). While he might find his peeps in the gifted track, he has done alright so far in that respect. I hear that one of the cons of the gifted track is that it attracts students who badly struggle - and the problem is NOT just academic fit. DS' therapist actually advises against the school for that reason, having seen too many problematic kids and families there.

The regular middle school has a good reputation for letting kids work at their individual pace - as in differentiating DOWNWARDS and supporting struggling students, which college prep schools are historically loath to do. DH will have to find out how it works for strong students, he rarely teaches middle school.

There is the strong robotics team, and DH mumbled he might do something about physics Olympiad, which would actually be his job! I also told him he'd have to offer some kind of club every year that somehow happens to be perfect for his own kid.

DS9, who tends to over focus (kWIM;)) was for years totally focused on going to his Papas school. Them the gifted program came up, whenever he had a meltdown about being so under stimulated we promised him he could finally work at his pace there and now he's totally focused on the gifted program. However, I know once he realizes what the bus ride might mean, he might be very anxious about that and it may be the deal breaker.

Sorry for the novel. I'd appreciate all thoughts!

My first piece of advice is to have a practice run on the bus. Take it to the school with the gifted program, explore the school a bit (even if only from the outside), and then ride the bus home again. What does he think about doing that every day?

FWIW, I used to commute by train and loved it. I taught myself French on that train by reading novels. The bus could actually be a plus (e.g. it could be a good time to get homework done).

Yes, we absolutely have to do the bus. I was thinking we could do it on the day of the group test, but it's probably not such a good idea - I do not want the problem to be solved by his bombing the group test, be it out of exhaustion or on purpose!

Turns out than DH's school actually has a very cool offering: the band class! All kids in that class get to try out band instruments and then have lessons in their instrument for two years and form their own mini band until they can join the regular school band in 7th. Drums are offered - that's a long term dream of his. However, when I asked DH who might in in charge of the band program, turns out it might be the music teacher he's not speaking to any more ever since they clashed over exam vs rehearsal schedules. Ugh. I can just see that teacher insisting DS learn euphonium just to spite DH.
DH has a whole list of questions of his phone which he will hopefully remember to ask of his middle school colleagues (he teaches mainly high school).

Is that 50-60 minutes each way? Adding 2 hours every school day? If so you may not have to worry about the catchment area - I'm not sure he would have time for socializing... To me that would be a deal breaker. I would not send a 9 year old on the kind of commute you are describing. Not only because of the duration but also because I would be uncomfortable about the central bus station at rush hour and the neighborhood you describe as the school's location. I am imagining numerous scenarios that would just make me too uncomfortable with a 9 year old.

I think having DH in the other school sounds like a huge plus. Between his ability to create interesting clubs and the potential for working from the inside to assure DS has the best possible situation for challenge I think it sounds like it could work well. I would go for this option.

We do a 30-minute commute for my son's gifted school. He tried a rigorous STEM school, but it was a terrible fit and they wouldn't accelerate him the way he needed, so we had to withdraw him.

I think you have a realistic expectation of the problems with the gifted school. For us, it means, it's more challenging to volunteer and be active parent participants in the school, after school activities can be more challenging, and my son's friends live about an hour away, which is not fun. On the other hand, my son is extremely happy with his school and has a terrific friend group. We think the academics are, for the most part, appropriate (math could be more challenging, but he has a private tutor, so he gets challenge outside of school).

I think you might want to consider the nearby school first. It would be such a relief if you didn't have to spend up to 2 hours a day on a bus. I can't even imagine. If it doesn't fit, is it possible to then move him to the gifted school?

Yes, it's 50 minutes one way, sometimes over an hour (though school will be out for lunch most days of the week, so it's about being home at 2 pm or later, not 5 pm the way it would be in the US). It's the absolute amount if time that bothers me. (I am a commuter myself and I hate the way it eats up my day). And if he misses a connection, he'd have to keep track of different routes - like sometimes he'd have to get the 850, sometimes the 870, sometimes the 88, transferring at different stops...it's a mess. I'd much rather have him on a train - it's city buses, too, and will be crowded, so I cannot imagine he could do much more than fitful reading. Personally, I d o not mind traveling on trains at all, but on buses tend to get mildly car sick..
A friend who is considering the school as well talked to the current parent of a sixth grader in a neighbouring village and reports that the sixth grader, a big guy for his age, is still scared to use the bus and to get off in that dodgy neighbourhood, so they try to drive him most days and are completely burnt out already. They'd probably jump at the chance to carpool with us, but the mere thought of the hassle makes me feel exhausted.

We have to think of the siblings, too - DD5 will start grade school in fall at his current elementary which is so conveniently located next to DHs school, with many more car pool options and a much more palatable bus ride. It would be so nice to have them all close. and the kids could ride the bus together. When we have had a child care crunch, DS9 would just walk over to DH s school for the afternoon and do his homework in the science resource room, sometimes even sit in in classes. The juniors and seniors never minded! And DS3, severely disabled, is currently stable and is being picked up by a minibus every day and taken to the special needs preschool, so that's in theory sorted, but there are a lot of therapy appointments and the next surgery is always waiting to happen.

My in laws are wonderful about helping out, but I am pretty sure they would not feel the hassle of chauffeuring is warranted, FIL having been a science teacher at DHs school as well...

The ironic thing is DH is fixing up a house in the city center which is much closer to both schools, but it won't be done for years. It just feels wrong to deprive DS of this option because of timing and commuting issues. But we are almost running on empty as it is, both parents dealing with exhaustion and health issues.

I know that some kids transfer for 6th grade, maybe 7th. Guess we will have to keep that as an option.

First, I have every confidence that you and your spouse are going to make the best decision you can, based on the information you have, and that if it turns out not to work out, you will be able to come up with an alternate solution.

Second, I think it's important to remember that, if you conclude that the commute would not be sustainable, given the rest of your circumstances, you will not be shortchanging your DS by not sending him to the gifted school. If the commute creates an unhealthy situation for your family, then you would be harming him by sending him there, at the cost of other, vital contributors to his well-being (and the well-being of your other children--not to mention you and your DH!). IOW, it may be wise to consider whether sending him to a particular school would be depriving him of healthy (physically, emotionally, and mentally) parents and family life, which, in the big picture, is far more important than perfect academic fit.

It's a good living lesson, too, that he is much more than his academic ability, and that everything you've taught him about being a whole, balanced person actually affects the way you make decisions of substance. Whether you end up sending him to the school near or far away, having some access to this discussion about how it affects the whole person could be quite instructive.

Thank you aeh for your kind words and thoughtful advice. I will keep it all in mind.

FWIW, my therapist told me just yesterday that I was basically insane for even thinking about adding the stress of that commute to our family. However, she also insisted that college prep track was a step up for every kid and he would find challenge in having to manage the homework load and study for exams - I just couldn't count on his cruising through school as he's done so far. Yeah right. The EF demands may kill us all but but fifth grade maths, LA and English? I was certainly able to mostly cruise until graduations do no one believed me then either. Though it wasn't mind numbing boredom any more, like elementary,

He will be okay. It's just you're always hoping for perfect for your kids kWIM?

Group testing today.
After, DS9 informed me in no uncertain terms that he loved the test, loves the school, wants the program and does not care how long the bus ride is.

Found a 40 minute ride that might work in the mornings. Now we will have to test drive it.