Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Refusal to practice musical instrument

I wasn't sure whether to post this but hoping someone has some insight. DD is in orchestra (5th grade) and plays the cello. I can't get her to practice it but she refuses to give it up. I have heard of parents making their child play an instrument but I feel like this is the opposite, where I want her to quit but she refuses. She also plays piano and we don't have the same issues getting her to practice. I think when she signed up for orchestra it was a year commitment. Even though she literally NEVER practices she claims that she is at the same level as the other cellos.

Part of the problem is that she has some major focus issues. By the time she gets home from school and gets her homework done, her meds are worn off and she is very scattered.

If she gives up the cello now (as in, I email the teacher and tell her DD can no longer do it), has the ship sailed, and it will be too late later on to join band/orchestra?

I was wondering about percussion for next year possibly, and whether that requires practice at home?

Hi blackcat-

You say she doesn't have any problem practicing piano. It sounds like she's stuck on something and doesn't know how to get unstuck…. or as you suggested she has just run out of steam and can't get herself focused any further. Maybe ask her to practice three days a week, instead of piano (so maybe four days piano, three days cello, with one day over the weekend where she practices both in one day?

Have you talked to the orchestra teacher about her performance in the orchestra? Does the teacher have any thoughts about why she might be struggling with practicing?

oh, and don't forget to tell her this joke:

What's the difference between a violin and a cello?
A cello burns longer

Hi LAF,
Good questions. She was having problems with the bow hold but DD says she is doing much better now. She still won't practice. If I knew that she would practice if we signed her up for private lessons, I would gladly do the private lessons, but I don't think that will be the case. I think some of this may have to do with perfectionism. Since the piano makes more sense to her, and she's more advanced with it, she's not as reluctant to play it. I used to have a lot more problems getting her to practice piano than I do now, but it was another instrument she refused to give up. The only way that I could get her to practice was threatening to cancel the lessons. But now I feel like maybe we are at the limit and one instrument is enough. If we keep on with the cello, it's possible she will start practicing more later, but I don't know that. I don't know if it's something about the cello per se, or if she would be like this with any new instrument. We already own a clarinet, trumpet, and violin. I wish she had picked one of those, at least we wouldn't have to pay huge rental fees!

About a month ago, I told her to do piano one day and cello the next, and alternate, but she doesn't practice piano every day. She just doesn't play either one certain days.

If you weren't paying rental I would say step back and let it between her in the teacher. Since you are I think it is fair to say practice at least (a mutually agreed amount) or switch to an instrument we own.

If we switch, we probably can't do it til next year, and even then she may not have much of a choice since there is a lottery system if too many people want to play the same instrument.

I just told her that I'm emailing her orchestra teacher unless she goes and practices right now, and she is presumably setting it up to practice (it seems like it's a big production with the thing). I'm just sick of this being a battle everyday.

Blackcat, I understand your frustration! My DS is too young for those issues, but I can tell you my experience when I was in orchestra/band. I kept switching between the sax and trombone. Finally, my mom put her foot down and said that the only way she was paying any more money for music stuff unless I practiced consistently. She would pull me away from whatever I was doing and be an audience. If I got mad at her for it, then that was the end of it. I quickly learned the hard way.

I agree with the idea of contacting her orchestra teacher to see how she is truly doing... and perhaps to get some outside cheerleading/support on this whole notion of practicing. I'm going to guess she is not the first fifth grader who likes rehearsal more than practicing.

Good luck!

Hmmm... Let me play the devil's advocate here...

If she is as good as the other cellos, what would be your goal for her practice? To be more advanced? To make sure you get your money's worth? :-)

I would think that as long as she is not falling behind, and is having fun, letting her be is a real option. She can enjoy making music with the cello for a year without investing much effort in it, and decide later on whether she wants to be more serious in middle school or go back to just playing piano.

My DD (5th grade) does a third instrument at school and she also doesn't practice. She says she is one of the best in her section and she is playing this third instrument just for this year. She works hard on piano and violin. I think it's fair.

My DS back in 5th grade played percussion in school (also his third instrument). He also didn't practice but was really ahead of the other percussionists. My policy at that time was "as long as the teacher doesn't complain, everything would be just fine."

She is supposed to practice 20 min. a day and we are supposed to fill out a sheet and return it. It's basically "homework". I just haven't been signing it. Not sure if she can get kicked out for not practicing or not...

this was me 30 years ago....

Looking back I recall my cello teacher had extraordinarily low expectations of me. I think because I started late (age 9) and had a troubled home life she didn't see any potential talent in me. I was happy to oblige because in all fairness I didn't know any better.

Maybe a chat with the teacher about raising expectations might do the trick?