Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy When to give up and just go private?

I'm in Canada too (Ontario). We started our son in public school for JK and SK, but despite an IEP, he was desperately bored and unhappy. We had him tested so he was identified as gifted and the school's plan was... more of the same. Their greater (only?) concern was social skills. When I tentatively asked about acceleration, they warned me of its perils and then rhapsodized on differentiation within the classroom, despite the clear evidence that it wasn't working for our son.

In my city's public and Catholic schools, there aren't any gifted programs, and acceleration is extremely rare. It's all supposed to be covered by differentiation within the classroom which translates to "not much of anything" unless the teacher is really exceptional.

I researched all our options and we chose to move him to a small private school. We have never looked back. He was accelerated, was therefore more engaged, and then he made friends without difficulty. It was amazing.

The first school closed a few years ago and we moved to a second small private school. It has also been great. In our experience, both private schools have been far more flexible and accommodating than the public or Catholic schools. I'm sure it depends on the school, but in our case, it was definitely the solution and well worth the money.

Side note--we're non-religious in a religious school. It's been fine.

Good luck! I remember how awful it was when DS was so unhappy and bored and what a great relief it was when we found a solution!

I urge readers not to assume that "going private" is any solution. Private school staff can be just as bloody minded as public.

See for example http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/private_pg.htm Even private schools that use the word gifted, let the buyer beware. They may for example, not want 2E, or dyslexia. They may not want PG and up. They may claim to understand SEN of GT but if they have a line of applicants just instead choose kids that seem more docile even if they're less gifted.

The only way to have control over the teacher and the curriculum is to home school (possibly mixing in part-time tutors).

I refer you also to my post on School Administrators as Politicians http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....ool_Administrators_as_Po.html#Post223853

Many are either ignorant, willfully ignorant, or ultimately, just choose to ignore, stonewall, or give at best lip service to an issue (GT) that affects only 1% of their stakeholders (and threatens the other 99%).

Hear me now, believe me later. -Hans and Franz

I want to echo what is already said by other people: don't assume a school is better just because it is private. The quality of private schools and their teachers, and their understanding of GT students have huge variations. My DS was in a reputed private school for GT kids for 1.5 years, and we were very, very disappointed.

I think this is why many of us have encouraged the OP to look into their options. There are bad private schools, and there are good privates. Just as there are bad public schools, and good public schools. So far, we're 1 for 2 with publics and 1 for 1 with privates (good over total). On both the public and private side we avoided some we felt would be a bad fit. Sure we were lucky to find a good private and, later, a good public fit, but good research made it easier to get lucky.

Best of luck,
--S.F.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.

I am very scared to be making a wrong decision and picking the wrong private school. However, having talked with a handful of parents in the past week, the private gifted school option is looking more and more appealing.

That said, I have a meeting with the school's superintendent this week, so we will see if she is open to considering acceleration or not. If she isn't, I've decided to give-up and just go try the private school out. Even if she is, we still have decisions to make because I am partly convinced the private school might be a better fit.

I really don't know.

If you're anything like me, the fear of making the wrong decision will not go away any time soon (it still hasn't). Just don't let that fear paralyze you into making no decision. To me it would be better to act and be wrong than to passively fail. You have to trust in your instincts and try to plot the best (often least-worst) course available to you.

Best of luck,
--S.F.

We do gifted private and for us it works well.

I was in a similar situation to yours last school year. DS was so across-the-board advanced for Kindergarten at that school that the thought of him not being accelerated to second grade there was really frightening. To me, acceleration was the minimum acceptable response from the school for him... yet that suggestion was met with so much resistance from his principal, teacher, and gifted coordinator that I saw the up-mountain battle looming directly ahead of me.

When I received the acceptance letter from the gifted school, I learned that I had to make a decision about enrolling him there mid-appeal at his public school. It was an agonizing decision, partly because I had bought into the idea that the public school could provide an appropriately challenging education for him if given the opportunity. But... throughout the year, they had verbally assured me they could do this yet kept demonstrating that they couldn't. While I would have liked to have seen the appeal the entire way through, turning down enrollment at the gifted school would have meant risking no acceleration at the public school.

It was an agonizing decision, and there were times I felt like I could barely breathe. But then I told myself, "Hey, I'm only committing to this for a year. If this doesn't work out, we can try something else." And that was very reassuring to me. I knew in my gut that "giving up" at the public school (I felt that way, too) was the best thing for us as a family.

He's been at his new school for a few months now, and it's a really good fit for him. Those fears about making the wrong decision have subsided.

Good luck to you!

*** UPDATE ***

So our meeting with the superintendent went as well as it could. She basically said nothing could be done at the kindergarten level as it is an optional program in our district. Therefore, she *hinted* we could go private for a year or more and try to come back, at which point they could not deny her entry into the accelerated grade.

Decisions, decisions, decisions...

Do I opt for private gifted school or try to have her stick it out for another year for the French Immersion program which is a grade one entry? I'm beginning to question whether immersion will keep her engaged in the long run, I hear a lot of kids get bored with it.

Can you move on to another district and try there?