Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Being the only girl in class

That comment also really rubbed me the wrong way. I find it offensive.

As far as the scenario, that's our DD. Her friends come from very religious backgrounds. The school system bewilderingly doesn't address this until 8th grade... by which time many children who were held back for various reasons (and are thus more at risk to start with) are already engaged in sexual activities. And even when the school system finally does get around to it, it's abstinence only, which has been well documented to lead to exactly the same outcome we're currently experiencing... as of 2010, LA had the 5th highest teen pregnancy rate in the nation. All of our neighboring states, who do it mostly the same way, outrank us.

So yeah, it's pretty much all on DW and I. DW assumed the lead.

We handled it in phases. Phase I was discussion of the biological differences in boys and girls, and the physical maturation processes. DW provided American Girls books, added her own lectures, and took DD to the store to acquire some preparatory items.

Phase II was discussion of the biological process of human reproduction, contraception, and disease prevention. Even though DW was very uncomfortable with this (and I much less so), she decided she was the one best qualified to discuss this, so she prepared some materials and gave a morning over to teaching DW on this topic while I was away at work, much like it was another homeschool science lesson.

Since then, the door has officially been opened on the topic of human sexuality, and we address any of DD's questions whenever or however they come up.

We set ourselves some firm time limits to have these discussions, otherwise it'd be easy to keep putting them off, because they're uncomfortable. Since DW had her first menses at 9, Phase I had to be done before DD turned 9. For Phase II, we reached into our own memories and decided we'd had sex ed in 5th grade, and with DD accelerated into 5th grade, we decided to do it after she turned 10. DD had been 10 for several months, and I'd prodded DW a few times, before it finally got taken care of.

Side benefit: We've officially upgraded DD's media access to our definition of PG-13, and now DD requests to watch reruns of Friends, DW's favorite show of all time.

Hi Pemberley,

My girls are huge fans of the American Girl books - having read them, I think reading the books *with* your dd might be a great way to get the discussion started and help you feel more at ease too. Have you looked at them? I'm wondering if they are far above your dd's reading level? My 11 year old dyslexic dd has read them - granted, I don't know how difficult it was for her or how much info she got from the books specifically vs friends etc... but fwiw, her reading level is below grade level and she *never* reads just for the sake of reading. Both of my girls really enjoyed having those books as their own, and tucked away where they could look at them and read through them when they felt like looking at them.

Another way to start a conversation is to start with more general talk about feelings, growing up etc. My brain's not awake enough at the moment to explain in more detail, but there is so much more going on with girls at this age in terms of maturing than puberty alone.

Best wishes, and hang in there!

polarbear

Thanks everyone. Lots of good resources I will check out. I was able to load the audio version of "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" onto her phone. This book was like the bible for this stuff when I was a kid. Am I dating myself or is this still a good choice?

The other day DD said "Under no circumstances do we discuss any of this with dad - he will totally freak out!" Then she did a cartoon character version of a rapid head shake, with her cheeks flapping and an almost inhuman "duhhhhh". I couldn't help but laugh as I agreed to her request. I was out in the evening when she came home and found the American Girl book waiting for her on her bed. The next morning DH told me he got to the door of her room, found her totally engrossed in reading it and she told him "You are not allowed to look inside this book. I'm serious - not ever." He is quite relieved but in all seriousness it does point out the problem with the all male school environment...

Ugh...

Totally. Outside. My. Comfort. Zone.

We love the American Girl books also. DD seems to have hers near her bed at all times.

My girls also liked having the American Girls books in their room so they could use them as a reference. They were much more comfortable reading about this stuff on their own. I always let them know that I was open to questions but they rarely took me up on it.