Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Black Hawk parenting

A very interesting and well written piece out of NY. I wonder how gifted parents will respond to this one. Do you think we are the same, or maybe even worst? Does the fact that we strongly believe that without our advocacy our kids would be lost in the school jungle justifies our actions? Or maybe it is all just empty talk...

Ania

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/02/AR2007030202042.html

Unfortunately, I think many people perceive parents of gifted kids as pushing and "helicoptering". What we know to be the real truth is that our kids have NEEDS that are outside of the norm, and getting these needs addressed is going to sometimes make us appear to be a helicopter parent.

Another thing that contributes to that view is that parents of gifted kids are often gifted themselves. And that means the parent may have a "rage to master", and in many cases knows more about gifted education than the school administrators. To me, it's just a need to know and understand, but I think many educators see that as meddling, pushing, etc.

In my opinion, an actual helicopter parent is one who is pushing for his/her own needs (as a parent) rather than what the child needs. That can be any parent of any child, so I'm sure there are helicopter parents of gifted children out there just as there are helicopter parents of non-gifted children.

What really drags me down is when non-parents start to point the "helicopter parenting" finger, when they have never raised a child at all and have no concept of responsibilities of a parent. I hear that a lot in my workplace. Ugh.

Christi

It bothers me most when they say things like "let him enjoy his childhood" or "why push him?"

He's NOT enjoying his childhood. He's stuck in the mire of impoverished education. That's the point!!!

I'll be a Black Hawk if that's what Mite and Rite need.

My simple test for "am I a pushy parent or am I a parent trying to get some unmet needs met" is this:

I visualize my son's classroom. I visualize a new student with parents who have just moved into the area bringing the child in to DS's classroom. The child is clearly brighter than mine. I feel:

A) thrilled and relieved
B) threatened

If I can honestly answer "A" - then I know I'm alright!

Christi - thanks for that great insight into gifted parents who have a "rage to learn" out-prepping the local school administrators and therefore comming accross as a bit strange to family and school adults. BTDT!

Love and More Love,
Trinity

As long as my child has a need that I perceive to be a need, it is my right to "helicopter" if not my moral obligation. Who else knows what is best for a child than the parent? Usually people who care very little about your child and want them to fit into a little mold - so that it is easier for them.

What is really funny is the results of parenting. There have been several studies that have said children with involved parents, that spend time with their parents do much better than "hands off" parents. But, being "hands off" makes it easier for schools and society in general to push "their will" on our children.

Yes, there are some parents that live through their children, but I doubt that is the norm. However, articles like that one make concerned, involved parents question what they are doing. No, I am not going to put my kid on a bus and let him be shipped off to a school where I have no idea of the background of the teacher, no - I am not going to just leave my kid at a ball park and think that the coach only has good intentions and would never do anything inappropriate. If being a helicopter means keeping my kid out of the hands of predators or bully adults or what have you then I am all for it.

I definitely think many kids today are over committed, but I don't think the parents are bad - they are just trying to keep their kids occupied - yes, having dinner together every night would do fine, but that isn't everyone's reality. I would much rather be a helicopter parent than a parent like one of my friends students.

Teacher calls parent: "we need to talk about your child"

Parent: "look, your shift is 8-3; I don't call you during my shift so you don't call me during your shift".

Now, whose child has a better chance at success in life?

A friend of mine says that when we are little and shipped off to school we tend to feel scared and powerless.

Then we grow up, and our children go off to school.

Unless we have had a chance to face whatever feeling we had back then, there is a good chance that we will experience them again -and it isn't fun.

It also isn't fun for the School Folks who greet us on the other side, here in the present, if we are having all this emotion left over from the past.

I can remember being very full of feeling while walking through the halls of my son's school for "Parent Night," particularly in his early years.

sound familar to anyone else?

Trinity

To me,� helicopter parenting� denotes more of the stereotype of parents who are over invested in the process and completion of their children�s school assignments.

Our school started a new procedure for the science fair this year which I think was sorely needed. They implemented the requirement for each child to meet with the judges in front of their projects for a personnel interview (during the school day-no parents).

I don�t believe the parents of the gifted students were the major offenders in previous years. Unfortunately, the same old problem persists at the regional competition.

BTW, our school uses Edline. As described in the article, you can log on any time to view the latest update for any given subject. Of course it is only as current as the last time a teacher input the information. I can tell you that my kids log on at least twice as often as I do. I think it is a great tool.

Off subject here :
1. In our area, kids have always been asked to present their science experiments to the judges without the parent present.
2. Our school uses PowerSchool and we also love it

The discussion has been lovely, keep it going...

I have probably mentioned somewhere before, that I frequently give books as gifts to educators. Last year for Christmas the principal got King Matt the First from us and a few weeks later she could not thank us enough for introducing her to this book. She was truly grateful. This year I gave her Genius Denied and so far she has not mentioned it at all...which makes me feel kind of strange...after all she does ability grouping and is open to tons of things that help gifted learners. Was it too pushy?

Hmm, I think that educational books for educators may be more appropriate as a donation rather than a personal gift. Of course, I�m probably more off base thinking that everyone enjoys smelly soaps and candles as much as I do. If we did a poll, the winning answer would probably be gift cards and cash.

I�m sure that some teachers and administrators are offended by parents who give them current education books, but I�m sure many appreciate it. We have donated a few books in the past for the teacher�s resource library.