Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy conference: SSA good, differentiation not so much

Yesterday we had the mid-year conference for DS8, third grade, HG+, high average or dead average depending on which tester you ask. On a third grade achievement test, he tested at the 98th percentile for end-of-year level in the fall (testing administered by the infamous school psych who thought that his HG+ test results through private testing must have been manipulated by a tester who's a personal friend, so no reason to think that result inflated).

They have a new format for the conference, which includes a three page self assessment to be completed by the child, then a half hour conference discussing self and teacher assessment with the child, with parent(s) in attendance - parents are asked to chime in and comment or ask questions, but the conference is with the child.

DS was very tense and frequently upset during the conference, screwing himself around the chair, torturing his sleeves, yanking his hair and at one point even grabbing mine for comfort, which he hasn't done for years. When his problematic work habits were discussed - perfectly kindly and appropriately on behalf of the teacher, with many references to his excellent grasp of the material and his otherwise exemplary conduct, he cried.

His school has a Montessori-style work period every morning, with the important difference that all children must complete the same weekly work package, they can merely choose the order. It's a high SES catholic school using the the state curriculum, and the class is working at a high level, probably somewhat ahead as compared to regular state schools.
DS8 has trouble with task initiation and follow through. His teacher feels that he just cannot decide in what order to tackle the work package, finally deciding on one, then realizing it does not hold his interest, trying to switch to something else, never finishing fast enough to be given higher level work. Also, he has trouble keeping track of his stuff, handing in notes etc.

For maths, the problem has so far been solved for this year with single subject acceleration, which seems to work to the satisfaction of all concerned - apparently the fourth graders even remind their teacher at the beginning of maths lessons to knock on the door to get DS8, which I thought was cute. He enjoys science, which is mostly project oriented, and the specials, except for PE - he sort of suffers through ball games and other competitive games, but at least enjoys individual PE such as gym parcours and swim class.

The one area of concern remains LA. His teacher, while acknowledging that she could easily give him fourth grade work during work time and that he is doing very well in both spelling and grammar, feels that DS can do with the "practice" and is concerned about "gaps".(I forgot to point out the 98th percentile achievement test. But I have a feeling this kind of thing is more about "belief" than "proof" with teachers anyway.)

I did point out that he comes by his executive function issues honestly and that at the tender age of 41, I still have major problems with task initiation and follow through - unless the work grips me intellectually, at which I may have a problems with stopping! So, couldn't DS work on his EF issues with work that wasn't rote practice of stuff he'd mastered but with stuff that was challenging him? She argued that he had problems tackling even open ended tasks that he could extend to his hearts content such as story writing. But at home he can spend hours on story writing I exclaimed, producing beautiful finished work, and she conceded that yes, the latest story was indeed finished and finished beautifully.

That's when our time slot was over, and we wrapped up. A full grade skip was not discussed, as indeed I do not want DS to have to work on his very real challenges in a middle school setting in fall. He simply did not present like a soon-to-be middle schooler today. I feel he needs the nurturing environment of elementary school more than he need the additional challenge. I might be wrong in this, but would feel worried I was setting DS up for failure if he had 10 teachers in as many subjects to keep track of and commute for an hour this fall.

DH thinks we should let it go and chalk it down as a not perfect, but good enough situation. (We will have to come up with new ideas for next year, though). DH is also not averse to have DS finish boring routine work in order to learn to stay on task. (I have to admit We have the same problem with DS with the tiniest household chores, he is distracted at the drop of a hat and will forget the same chore every day, again and again and again, though he can be a tireless worker for hours when gripped by the project, such as party planning for a younger sibling. I would like to think I at least planted a seed for the teacher to mull over, and maybe try out. Should it be good enough?

It seems the teacher may be conflating the actual EF issues with an imagined lack of LA content mastery.

While parochial schools which do not accept government funding typically do not need to adhere to the same laws/rules/regulations as public schools and therefore may not create an IEP or 504, it seems that your child's school tries to be supportive. Therefore they may agree to collaborating with you in creating a plan to help address your son's EF issues in school, in a consistent manner with how you prefer to address these issues at home. For the elementary environment to be truly nurturing, they would be seeking positive ways to help your son identify and eliminate behaviors which do not serve him well... not just overlooking such things or pointing them out at a conference without throwing him a lifeline or supportive path for making changes. You may wish to create a list of specific skill deficits such as emotional regulation, decision making, task initiation, persistence. Then create a list of strategies such as learning emotional vocabulary and using words to express one's self rather than crying, creating lists and/or checklists, acceptable fidgeting such as doodling, etc... there is a broad range of possible strategies, milestones, and measures for mastery.

It seems likely that if a plan was in place to provide supports for your son to learn the self-talk skills needed for executive function, agreement on higher level LA curriculum (and/or acceleration) may quickly follow.

There is much information easily found online for strategies to support EF function, and books for children as well. These may make a great starting place in supporting your child and assuring him he is not alone in having trouble learning and consistently demonstrating EF skills.

Wishing you all the best.

Thank you, you have hit the point that is troubling DH: we're not in the US, and they happen not to be legally obliged to do anything to meet his needs but teach the same lockstep curriculum they teach to every other kid - but they are trying to be supportive, and DH worries about rocking the boat, as it were.
We do not need them in case we want DS to skip into fifth grade in middle school this fall, but right now I am leaning far away from that one. (Info night for fourth graders is on the 23rd, and I am planning to bring DS8 so he'll get an idea of what's out there). So we need their good will to keep DS as happy as possible for this year and the next.
The easy and unexcited way they have agreed to implement SSA in maths eve though they had that sorry excuse of a school psych insisting that DS must be an average kid hothoused into overachievement is one thing that we'd like to keep going just as it is! And if we want to implement something for next year,we may need even more good will. So,I'm treading carefully. I want to send a follow up email and I want to get it just right. No, I'm not a perfectionist or anything...
I have asked whether the teacher will help by giving DS extra "prompts" or reminders, but she refused,stating it would hurt his social standing too much being singled out like this. With the conference, she has explained that now she has agreed do clear targets with each kid, she has begun just to remind them of "your target!" And claims that so far with the others,it has worked wonders. Let's see what it does for DS...
For what to do at home: believe me,I've got the book, I've got all the books and I've read them too. It's all reward schemes, and they all completely backfire with my kids. They immediately start using it on us parents and the resulting arguments drive as all nuts. The one thing that works, a bit, is Kazdins method, and only if I do NOT implement it the consistent way you're supposed to, but keep introducing new stuff, letting go if one thing, starting another, to keep them interested and on their toes. I'll reread smart but scattered, and try to keep an open mind, but am not holding out great hopes...

And I do not think that she is conflating EF with mastery as far as language arts are concerned, only she does not believe greater challenge according to the latter might help with the former. It's just that with math and science, DS' gifts and needs are SO obvious, you need to WANT to overlook them and she didn't, which I think is great. I believe that with LA, it hurts DS that there are bright girls in class who are up to one year older and probably are much more obvious in showing their gifts than he is. So, she's thinking (I'm guessing) he's not "the best." Why would he need more?

I just noticed you mentioned "self talk skills" for EF. I find it hard to believe, but I haven't got a book on that. What is that one about?

Self-talk skills for EF is not a book title, but rather a phrase which summarizes a strategy/approach.

Use of self-talk for enhancing EF development is found in several books and articles, including:
- Smart But Scattered,
- 2e newsletter (Michael Gladstein, March 2013),
- National Institute of Health (NIH) public online access.

To use an analogy, some people may look at a knitting pattern and easily replicate the design without conscious thought, while others may be at a stage in their development of this skill that they may need or benefit from looking at a step-wise set of instructions which lists each individual stitch. To help them be mindful and intentional, they may use self-talk. For example, they may recite silently to themselves: "Knit 2, Purl 1".