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DD 8 is in second grade IQ 99.9% equally strong in verbal/spatial/fluid reasoning and extremely strong academic skills. She attends a small private school that has no type of gifted program. We had her evaluated at her schools insistence because they wanted us to consider a grade skip. We decided against the grade skip last year because third grade required class changes (4 teachers) and while DD is very bright and organized, I was not quite sure if she was ready for the organization required to deal with that many transitions. Fast forward and she is now easily years ahead of the curriculum. She is currently working through an Algebra 1 textbook at home and has had no difficulty, easily does multiplication of two and three digit numbers in her head and is reading at a level that is consistent with most high school students. She really needs to be accelerated but when we suggest it she falls apart because she does not want to leave her best friend. She is very social and I think she would be fine but she does not think so. So how do you balance both, the social and academic needs?? We are at a loss!

Would the school allow her to do a trial of subject matter acceleration until the end of the year, in ELA and math perhaps? This way she would still be able to socialize with her second grade friends. She would also get the chance to gradually get to know some of the 3rd grade class.

Is your DD mature for her grade (one of the older students in that grade in her area)? This probably only exacerbates the academic and ability "differences" from her 2nd grade peers.

The lack of a gifted program definitely makes your situation tougher, although a program might be insufficient to meet her needs anyway.

I have two currently "unskipped" DYS, who are both naturally young for grade. Our schools DO have a G&T program, but it does not start until 3rd/4th (as is quite typical). One great thing our schools do, however, is start to switch classes in order to differentiate reading and math in 1st/2nd. Our older DYS is also now in the G&T program, but we are struggling to keep her challenged. Both DC have grade level friends they would really miss if they were ever skipped, BUT their friends are NOT always in their classrooms anyway, with the large grade sizes and class switching that takes place.

Most schools are NOT a great fit for kids like ours, so we are settling for what other have called the "least-worse fit." Also, needs change and the problem does not go away, so we may need to change things further in the future.

Since your DD is in a small school, I'm wondering whether there might be time to socialize with her 2nd grade friends even if she skipped to 3rd grade? My dd is also in a small school and there is quite a bit of overlap between grades during recess, lunch, etc. She has been skipped but still has social time with her age peers. Could that work at your dd's school, especially during the transition?

I found Academic Advocacy for Gifted Children and A Nation Deceived to be quite helpful resources when we were in public schools.

My DS8 often expresses this sentiment. He is in 4th (over two years since he skipped 1st-2nd in the Fall of the school year). He is quite introverted -needs time alone to recharge. When we made the decision to skip, school felt like a trap to him. Fast forward to 4th grade and we are encountering a similar problem- day in day out, the repetition and review that most kids need to master skills can be mind-numbing to gifted kids. The difference now is that he is more socially aware. When he was 6 and kids asked why did he move grades, he just told them he wanted more challenge. Now that he is older, he doesn't want to be singled out. Along with the sense of punishment there are also issues of "fairness" that concern him.

One thing that helped in our case, we have great health coverage and had no out-of-pocket costs to take our DS to a PsyD. He met weekly for 6 months+ and I think it helped him sort out his feelings about being different.

She sounds like she would be able to make a positives/ negatives chart or decision tree.

Have you sat in on the class one grade ahead? Two grades ahead?

So... what are they doing in 3rd grade this month in algebra? Rearranging equations with a lot of parentheses?
How about literature class, what's that like in 3rd versus 2nd: Huckleberry Finn this month, Ann of Green Gables next?

No?

You are describing a child who scores extremely highly in aptitude. Who not only is capable of complex symbolic analysis, but also has a font of knowledge based on a past pace that is markedly different from her peers. You also describe a self motivated learner, who enjoys academic learning out of her own interest.

If she skips a year she will be asked to add numbers with one extra digit. The following year she will be asked to learn to multiply and divide small numbers. The next year she will be allowed to multiply and divide larger numbers. Oh wait, this is a small nurturing private school, so they actually divide two years from now. In three they get to divide with another digit. All year.

If she skips a year now she not have her best friend nearby for much of the day.

The school sees there is a problem, good for them. And they have not had many situations just like this before, and they have heard that when kids are way far ahead it's a good idea to skip them. That's the extent to which they've worked on the problem.

It can be a good solution sometimes. If the child is bored and wants to try something new it's a great idea. If they are getting on the teacher's nerves to the point it's unpleasant for both the teacher and them, it can be a good idea. Sometimes just change itself shows one that the adults are trying to make things better, and that can count for a lot. Sometimes the next teacher is more interested in differentiation, etc. Sometimes the little intellectual boost of being around kids a year older can go a long way, and that one lasts multiple years.

It doesn't sound like the above are the main reasons a skip is being thought about? It's more just the obvious mismatch between the instruction and her readiness?

So next year, if she is done with this amazing best friend because they grew apart, that would be a great time to skip. You can still skip next year. It does sound like except for the friend issue she could handle the skip easily enough and that it might help a bit.

But the academics are just SO remedial in 2nd grade you say, you can't stand it another minute? Yes they are. But they are in 3rd too. If you can't observe, just ask to see the 3rd grade teacher's book of assignments and look through the whole year of what she's be supposed to do. It's like a scary movie come to life.

So, without traumatizing the poor kid by ripping her from her soul mate, what can you do?

Spend time chatting about your concerns, slowing the conversation down so the school gets more used to the idea of a complex fix. Find the teacher who teaches the closest thing to algebra and talk to them directly, ask them what they suggest. They may refer you right back to whomever you've been talking to, but it just widens the number of people who are interested in your DD. Maybe she can go to 4th for math? Maybe she can do an online math website during math time. There are lots of ways to work at acceleration.

A traditional grade skip is very very simple for the school and then they'll feel they've sewed it all up, but it's only one piece of giving her a reasonable academic curriculum (I didn't even say challenging because it's a bit much to hope for, isn't it?)

Alone a skip would not be sufficient anyways, so it can at least be done without on a temporary basis until your DD feels more supportive of it. In the meantime work on the other pieces, they would still be necessary after the skip so why avoid them?

Sigh. Sorry for the bitter or flippant factor in my response, comes from years of wondering why schools can't get it about the pace problem.

It's so not the school's fault at all though. They are likely doing great and meeting the academic needs of 95% of their students which is about all one could hope for. They are even aware there's a mismatch with your DD, which is beyond many schools' abilities. Keep complimenting them on that.

Thanks so much for the replies. We tried to organize subject acceleration but all subjects are not taught at the same time in every grade, so it did get complicated. Honestly, I have not pushed the skip because she would not be challenged in 4th grade either. It is just difficult to know what to do but we are just trying to create a situation where she is happy at school, challenged seems a little to much to hope for.

Since it's a private school where you're already paying tuition, this might not be a good idea (after all, you're paying the school to teach her)...but could you partially homeschool or afterschool? If she's already quite advanced in reading and math with presumably no instruction, she could do different math during class math time and then maybe you could teach her English, and then she could take science, social studies, art, etc with agemates. This might not be possible with scheduling conflicts, or it might not be right for you, but it's an option. It might create issues academically later on, but you could try to slow the pace with enrichment, etc - and at some point issues might be inevitable.