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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 404
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 404 |
One thing that turned my anxious, sensory, Asperger's child around was swim team. The water is great for sensory needs. The tasks were great for his anxiety (he set small goals and overcame fears and felt great about his accomplishments over and over again).
Started with 1 hour a day for four days a week at age ten and now at age 14 he does 3.5 hours a day for 5 to six days a week...over the summer twice a day some days. Days he misses practice he isn't as centered.
Not saying swimming is your answer...but find an activity with an understanding coach, one that is a good match for him, and the ability to drop him off. That one hour break was exactly what I needed. Randomly I watched and took pictures. Anxious kids need hard exercise. Anxious kids' moms need a break.
I also agree with "daily living skills". Laundry, basic cooking, sweeping, weeding, we have no snow here but I would think snow shoveling, pet care....all those things take the time to teach, do the task with him, eventually have him do them independently. I think it makes people less anxious when they have skills and responsibility that make them feel good about contributing and less of a burden.
When I homeschooled (and every summer) I have quiet hour right after lunch.... Everyone In his or her own room, alone--reading, writing, napping or non-electronic quiet playing (such as quietly playing with Legos) are the only activities allowed. We set a timer and everyone is so much less cranky with the forced quiet in the house for that hour. It is rejuvenating. We get along so much better and I get an hour where I am not the cruise director (or referee or hand maiden) This is eerily true for my dd too. They had a week off of swim practice over Christmas and she was a hot mess.
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 615
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 615 |
I'm guilty of being one of those glowing homeschoolers. Ivy's right, outsourcing is key. I would not be doing this if I didn't live in a community with amazing homeschooling resources. My kid is in ~3/4 day programs for homeschoolers three days a week, and I'm looking into hiring a few hours of babysitting time for the other two days because she still overwhelms me. (Oh, yeah, also: I have a job I'm supposed to be doing.)
You said that you live in a small rural community. Seriously, I don't say this lightly: If you think you will need to homeschool over the long term, is there any chance you can move? I can't emphasize enough how important community is to making homeschooling a good experience.
In the shorter term: hang in there, and I'm so glad you have this board where you can vent!
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Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 14
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 14 |
Thank you all so much once again for all your kind words and honest comments. Parents who don't have 2e kids have no clue, DH took him over to see grandma & grandpa for a few hours today so I could watch the Bronco Game!
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Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 14
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 14 |
You reminded me of those days last year, yep, I used to wait for the phone to ring! DS has anxiety that was so bad when he was in school and he missed so much last year I thought I should get a refund on tuition! Thanks so much for responding to me, it help to know I'm not alone!
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Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 14
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 14 |
We're working with both a counselor and psychologist, and they are working with each other so we're trying to cover our bases. I challenged him to one public school class next year, the private school he attended only takes students full-time. There is a school he would consider (22 miles on way from our house) I'm not thrilled about the drive but there are other parents here who do it because of how bad our district is. We just don't have the options or resources that larger communities have.
I have found one homeschooling group in the next town over, they are having a meeting tomorrow. DS is excited to go and meet some other homeschooled kids. And of course we have another winter storm warning out, which for us could mean a foot of snow by the morning.
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 330
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 330 |
Another thought (which maybe someone mentioned as I only skimmed) is a tutor to come in once or twice a week. It sounds expensive and hard to find in a rural area. But rather than an actual subject expert I am thinking more of a friendly high school junior/senior who could come and just be companionable to your DS for an hour or two while you are still there, playing whatever role you feel is useful. Call it logic/strategy class and have them play new card games (or instead think of something that sounds interesting to your DS). You would be there and available, but perhaps with time would be able to go off to get something else done, or rest. And would pay them not a tutor rate but a babysitting rate. We did something like this last year and it was awesome, and the girl is in college now and DS spends hours at her house (very happily) every time she's home  Our other solution was getting used to driving long distances. So my other thought is if the first homeschooling group doesn't work out (we checked out several that just were too different in focus for us), find another even if it's further. Last year I ended up going with DS regularly once a week to one homeschool group class an hour away. More driving time than class time, but was absolutely worth it. For DS, but also for me. The teacher was okay with a parent sitting in the back of the class when they heard that DS would be happier that way. Halfway through the year I was able to transition out to the hallway (where parents often hung out and chatted). It was not even the first time the teacher had had a parent sit in. Having an externally delineated schedule even one day of the week was a relief, it wasn't all up to me. There was another benefit of organized homeschool classes (I mean weekly organized classes run by parents but taught by a teacher, which you may or may not have access to depending on your area) was they were heterogeneous in age, and taught at a higher level than DS's public school experience. The increased engagement in the subject material (over what was available in the public system) distracted DS from his own personal issues more than I expected. It was a new physical setting too and it didn't look "school-like" so he didn't have the mild ptsd type response he had to his regular school building. Anyhow, don't give up entirely on homeschool groups or classes if tomorrow's group isn't right.
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Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 14
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 14 |
you hit the nail on the head when you referred to your own DS as having a PTSD reaction to school. I haven't been able to get my own to articulate his issues with school but that makes perfect sense to me. I have put out feelers for homeschooling groups and just had not had a lot of luck finding any. I live in a very locally inclusive area and if your not from here (which I'm not) being included into the "mix" is hard.
I have thought about about a HS student doing some tutoring. How would I go about finding one? I don't want to sound silly but really, do I call the school and ask?
Thanks so much for taking the time to respond!!!
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Joined: May 2014
Posts: 599
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Joined: May 2014
Posts: 599 |
Call the school and ask for the sponsor of the National Honor Society. When you get in touch with that person, have a list of things you might want the tutor to work on (for example...Latin, advanced math, chess, geography, strategy games, etc.) and ask for a list of names of students who would want to tutor in any of those areas plus be a mentor. What they worked on together would depend on the high school student that you select in the end.
I would have all interested students send you an email resume and letter and I would send them what the commitment would be (how many hours a week, how many times...like once a week for an hour or twice a week for an hour).
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 99
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 99 |
You have him with you during the day, but there must be activities in the afternoon and evening.
I would not feel bad about enrolling him in after-school activities where you can drop him off. Find something that lasts for more than an hour and parents don't have to attend.
I wouldn't even worry that much about it being something he loved. Its good to get use to different situations. Library volunteer, chess club, a sport, tutoring center where he can tutor other kids, youth groups, etc.
Then you can have some time to yourself in the afternoon and evening.
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