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oh this was me - although much better with team than individual. I dropped tennis after my first big match - couldn't take the cheering, also applied to me with music and eventually as a young adult applying for work in my chosen field that came with a media profile. Shame really - def better now (I can get up on a stage now!) and working on confidence with my daughter.

Point is - don't ignore it I'm sure some well chosen words would have helped me.

Thinking back - I grew up in a house that celebrated team sports massively, but when ever there was an individual achievement in any field there were often snide comments (my mother still does this) about how that person got there. ie: I bet she's a real b**** or who does she think she is etc. I'm sure it was non deliberate and my mum would deny it if confronted by it takes a hold of you. Is there anyone in your DS life who has an unusually negative take on stand out players?

Thank you everyone! This gives me a lot to think about and some great conversation starters with him. I think it will be of great value for me to learn what he DOES want to be recognized for and how he wants to be recognized. I found out that they celebrate the "player of the game" in the locker room and that may be very uncomfortable for him. so far in life, he has been an introvert.

I will think about paying/rewarding him for specific performance. He's more competitive with himself than others. The only other sport I can get him to participate in is cross country.

To answer Mahagogo5's question: Is there anyone who has an unusually negative take on stand out players? I thought back on it and more than likely. there was one player, who was standout, and the comments was never about the player but the parents were almost abusive with the amount of pressure they put on such a young kid. I'll ask him if I need to clarify what we meant when he overheard some of those comments.

All of these comments could apply, and gives me hope that I can find insight to help him overcome his insecurity. Not for him to be a future NHL player but just to be a healthy happy adult.

Update: This weekend was packed full of games. He played 2-45 min full ice games and 4-20 min 1/2 ice games.

He scored 4 goals, in separate games. Skated with the puck up ice and passed more in hopes of making assists. Coaches had him playing mostly Defense but after scoring gave him an opportunity to play Center.

But the most important parts came before the games. I asked him what he wanted to be recognized for as a team player. He said saves and assists. He said he feels bad when he takes the puck from another player. I explained what expectations his team members had for him and suggested that the place to make amends to opponents was at the end of the game line up for fist bumps where he could say “good game, nice play” stuff. His face lit up at that, I could tell he never thought of that before.

Thanks again everyone! This gave me a new focus and questions to ask and to never be that nagging hockey-mom..."why don't you just score a goal already."

I'll end with a quick "you know you have a gifted child" story: in the locker room getting ready...while all the other boys are bragging about how many goals they are going to score...my boy is contemplating how much surface tension coffee has compared to plain water...I just love him so much and so greatful to be along for this ride with him as he discovers and navigates the world.