Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion So aggravated...

est1215, I literally said that I understood (and appreciated!) everyones' perspective in my previous post. The fact that I have my own opinions, regardless, doesn't mean that I haven't looked from all perspectives. I have.

In response to your comment about how an older child would feel if a younger child knew math better than them... what if an 8 year old math whiz signs up, as well as an 8 year old who is awful at math? Would that be acceptable? Would the fact that at least the math whiz was the same age as the one who is not good at math make the difference? So it's not adding insult to injury? I just don't understand the logic. And would this even apply anywhere else other than math? In art, in music? Would a parent really not put their child in an advanced art class (based on ability) because they were worried that some of the older kids in the class would be upset that they weren't as good at the younger one? Or because art is subjective, is it different?

I am not sure you understand where I am coming from. Yes, there are lots of resources for him, online, books, games...all things that he can do on his own (which he does), or with adults (which he does). But there is virtually nothing that allows him to interact with children who are learning/interested things on his level. And that was the reason we were looking forward to this. So, from my perspective, I think there was a large benefit for him to be in that class.

All that being said, please keep in mind that we aren't pursuing this, aren't fighting to get him into the class, or anything. We registered, were told no, contacted them to explain the situation further, and were still told no. And that was the end of it. I get the feeling that some people think we are waging war on our library, which is hardly the case. I wrote the original post to vent my frustration, and get some advice from those who had blazed this trail before. For some reason, it seems like this thread is blowing up needlessly, which only ignites frustration, rather than tempering it, thus subverting my original intention.

Oh yes, I agree with that! Thanks!

I totally understand. We've had many of those situations as well but I chose to share one where really it was apples and oranges. Sorry guys. Didn't mean to sound like I was making light of the dilemma both teachers and parents find themselves in. Sorry.

I think your child is still very young and you will learn to pick your battles. Free (?) library class called Math for FUN intended for kids twice older than yours should not be a source of intense frustration. Unfortunately life with a gifted child will be FULL of roadblocks, sadness, loneliness and not just for a child but for the parent as well. You don't have to go through it "ducking your head and apologizing" but you do have to be cautious and considerate. Feeling inferior sucks, especially for kids. And yes, it does make a difference if the child is half the age and showing off to others, it does add insult to injury. If an age group is set, you can always ask for an exception but not feel entitled to it because your child is gifted. And sadly it will happen everywhere even in art and music.

Your point was that he would get the social interaction in this class. Trust me, most (if not all) 2nd or 3rd graders would never accept a 4-year old as their equal and interact with him in that manner.

Best of luck!

Sorry, but this is just getting ridiculous. Children should restrict their participation in activities and learning at the appropriate level because they might make someone else feel inferior?! This is advocating cutting down tall poppies.

It's one thing if advanced children are ostracizing or putting down others who don't perform at the same level as them, but all we're talking about is allowing children to try to perform at their level in an informal setting and--ideally-- make some friends while doing so!

I hate to break it to the posters who have stated this fear, but life is full of people who are better than we are at various tasks. This is how it should be, because no one person is infinitely resourced! Learning to appreciate a diversity of abilities and interests is part of living in a civilized society. An advanced child in any field needs to learn to hone his abilities with grace and modesty, but that by no means should mean denial of self to avoid hypothetically making others feel inferior.

With respect, this is patronizing. Did you see the part where Marnie stated she isn't pressing the issue? She clearly has perspective, she just wants to commiserate with people who have shared her frustrations.

I did not mean to patronize. Just speaking from experience. The frustration I had when my child was four seem quite ridiculous now:)

Very well said! I truly agree with everything you said. But in my oppinion this would apply for children who are a bit older. We are simply discussing appropriate response to a 4 year old being denied a library class with set age restrictions that far exceed the age of the child.

I took it quite differently. I see Marnie accepting the library's decision as a fait accompli, but lamenting that the world is not ideal, as we all do to varying degrees depending on our temperaments (and OEs, in my case!)

In this situation, her son is the net loser, and she is anticipating the future ways in which his differences will create challenges and exclude him. It's not so much about the experience as a singularity, so much as what it represents for her family in the future and how she feels about the way the world will throw roadblocks her way.

Let's not forget that most parents here are gifted, and we carry the attendant OEs and emotional baggage of our own experiences with the world as gifted "outsiders". (Many of us--myself included--are blessed/cursed with a preternatural hunger for justice, and part of that is feeling deeply.) While giftedness brings many advantages, it also carries tremendous challenges for families, as you well know, and an important service this forum provides--at least for me--is a venue to be heard without judgement. Feelings are feelings, and I don't think "appropriate" factors into this, especially when an individual's actions are rational.

This forum needs to be a safe place for us to express our genuine feelings without fear of reprisal because, let's face it, we can't just vent our spleen to the neighbours.

Agreed!

What some who post here (or elsewhere) may not realize, is that in doing so you ARE venting your spleen to your neighbors. This is a public forum. Posts show up in web searches, often even after being edited/removed. Some sign up to post, many sign up to lurk. Many more may read posts without signing up. Not all who read are in support of the gifted. The information gained by reading posts is a tool, and like any tool, it may be used to build or destroy.

When posting, some may say it is wise not to operate under the illusion of a closed community, united in support of the gifted.