Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion So aggravated...

Yes, been in that boat ...
Last summer my son (4) wanted to participate in the summer reading club at the library. No class, no meeting other kids, no maturity issue, no making people "uncomfortable". When I asked how to sign him up the woman I spoke to said "Well, he is not in school yet, so you can't. You can fill out the Mommy/Daddy Reads To Me sheets and enter that club. But the whole point is about the kids being proud of their reading accomplishments. I told her that since he will be the one reading I'd like him to be part of the reading club, not the read-to-me club. She then told me that 4year-old don't typically read and that he can't enter if he's not in K yet. Fortunately the other librarian had overheard and swooped in. "Of course he can participate. How great that he is reading already!" Thank goodness.
I am wishing you luck! Keep us posted.

Same boat? It sounds completely different to me.

We have definitely seen that there is a lack of adults who understand or want to work with highly gifted children.

One woman teacher of gifted in our town even felt comfortable enough saying in a public, recorded meeting in front of the school board that she enjoyed her time with the children at the other end of the IQ spectrum more.

I have done an unofficial survey; the mother usually handles, monitors supervises everything. Then, the moms of the other children will label us 'helicopter' parents. We invite them to read, even briefly about families with highly gifted kids, so that there might be increased understanding.

We have found that the adults do not want to be bothered with the very intelligent children. That is as far as we have gotten. To say more, can be perceived as negative and we are really trying hard to understand and appreciate and be grateful, even though we can envision a much better system, with teachers who really have a passion for teaching. When you find a truly gifted teacher, I would imagine they would love being around the truly gifted kids.

So, to an extent, we had to skip all of the usual activities that are really geared for the norm, and customize our child's activities to suit our child. It is a lot of work and you will feel as though you are working on at least one Ph.D.

Maybe I misread? I thought the OP was talking about not being allowed to join things due to age? Yes, we were lucky that the one librarian allowed him to attend but the general attitude at the library is that it is just not done, that only the age matters and not the fit of the program. I have found this to be the case in 95% of the things we would like to join. This was the one time we were lucky. So I wanted to give the OP some hope that sometimes a second person looks at the issue and might be on your side.
Sorry if I misread.

The (key) difference between these two situations is the other children. I'm glad that the other librarian let your son participate.

Good grief, can we not empathize and share here without hitting all the key points exactly? FWIW it doesn't sound "completely different" to me. The annoyance and disappointment of having your child excluded from a fun activity due to their age. Yes sometimes it's because they mightn't mix with the older kids. Sometimes it might just be because you come across a stickler for arbitrary rules. Same annoying result

But, sorry Stef, you can't post your harmless story and cheery 'good luck' in this thread without criticism as it's only 75% similar to the OP's. Rules are rules I'm afraid

It's the difference between some and none.

I'll expand on my logic here. In the OP Marnie's case, there were arguably some legitimate reason's to exclude a 4 year old (as many posters pointed out), whereas in contrast, in stefgray's case, there were unarguably no legitimate reason's to exclude a 4 year old.

Can I post a serious question? What happens if a 7 year old with pretty severe ADHD registers for the math session? Age appropriate but cannot focus, bouncing off the walls. Totally disruptive. How does that shake out any differently then DS4 IF he doesn't cooperate?

As for DS4 being treated badly by the other kids...isn't that the point of the facilitator? To stave off bullying? (because, really, isn't that what it is?) As for making the other kids feel inferior...I mean, it's unfortunate, but what am I supposed to do? I can't help that my son isn't in the center of the bell curve...and I'm not going to go through life constantly ducking my head and apologizing for it.

I'm not sure exactly sure why people are getting so up in arms about this...I am always a bit surprised when that happens on this forum. You would think that parents who have experienced constantly trying to advocate for their DCs and hitting roadblocks while trying to find a balance between age and socio/emotional levels, wouldn't be quite so quick to advocate for exclusion. Yes, stefgray's case is different, agreed, but I appreciated the sympathy and the optimism, nonetheless. Can't we commiserate without judgement?

...I hesitated submitting this post at all but I just don't like seeing anyone jumped on for trying to be kind. I truly do understand all the points of view (and appreciate them!) that have been put forth, even the ones agreeing with the facilitator's decision to deny my son entrance into this class. The fact that I don't particularly agree might simply be because we are talking about my child. But I think the point I (and several others) were trying to make is simply that it's hard when our children are put in this situation: whether it's sports, or school or a silly free library class. No two situations are the same, and maybe some ARE more important than others, but the sting is real, regardless.

And, for the record, if they had 'Math is Fun' classes that exposed preschoolers to upper level math, we would be there in a heartbeat...but let's be realistic here, who is really going to hold that class? (Maybe me?? Maybe I will be able to lure all the mathy little kids out of hiding!) But therein lies the issue. What do I do? Put him in classes that don't interest him cognitively, but are age-appropriate? Or risk 'potential' social clashes but at least the content is appropriate and engaging?

From your point of view it is understandable that you want your son inculded and engaged and are willing to do everything to make this happen. But I do feel you are looking at it from only your perspective. There will be kids there that are twice your child's age. Maybe some of them have been signed up because they are not very good at math and they want this to be an uplifting experience for them? Now from another child's point of view, if there is a kid half your age and knows math better than you, how do you think that will make them feel? I think at your son's age you will be able to find so many resources for math for him, there is really very little benefit for him to be in that class.