Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums College Young college student-- Rush-- Y/N?

I joined a sorority at a major state university. My mom was in one and a nice southern debutant girl (well sort of , mom never made her grades at the same major university and was never initiated, transferred schools and then got married before graduating...never tried to join at the second university, she was initiated as an alumnae later.)

I forget how many sororities were on campus...maybe a dozen 8 of them were Barbie-esque....2 of them were what I would have to describe as normal real women. Women of a variety of sizes and attractiveness but smart, clever and caring women...not fake at all. And two were somewhere in the middle with a mix of barbies and non barbies.

I really thought I was a shoe in at two Barbie sororities and had my heart set on them even though I am/was not the least bit Barbie. I ended up in a real woman sorority and loved the experience.but I was somewhat crushed to find out I wasn't up to Barbie standards. I would have been miserable if I had actually gotten into my mom's.

That said...at my university the sororities never had actual parties at their houses as in any kind of get together other than rush activities or a founders' day luncheon and no alcohol was permitted on the property. I mean you could host meetings or a holiday party...but non alcoholic. All true partying was done at the frat houses.

Rush activities are a special kind of hell that I wouldn't say were "parties". The were in the day time and the first set were like 15 minutes long and you could only serve water, the next set were a bit longer, the next set was a bit longer and was skit day, another day were really long and you could serve a snack and drink (within the rules).


My suggestion would be to google several of the soroities found on your campus like this

Name of sorority name of university by laws

The by laws will give you an indication of requirements and a peek into sorority world...like one I saw online had an elaborate points system for attending certain things and if you failed to meet the points minimum you had to appear before the committee. The have study hours...when I was in my sorority you had to track them in a type of study hall thing...if you had a good gpa you weren't required to track and turn them in.

Here is an article about sorority rush. Some women take it very seriously.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/22/education/edlife/prepping-students-for-sorority-rush.html
Pledge Prep
By ABIGAIL SULLIVAN MOORE
New York Times
July 16, 2012

Thank you-- I knew that this was the one place that I could ask this question and get serious, well-considered answers from people who can actually envision having a 15yo on a college campus. LOVE you guys.

Keep in mind that a sorority's by-laws may say things that are very different from how it behaves in real life. The Atlantic article you referenced upthread illustrated that effectively.

We followed ours...if we unknowingly violated them we quickly fixed it.

Not only no, but hell no!

I was in a sorority and while there were some positives, I will certainly not be encouraging my daughter to pledge. If she were 15 it would absolutely not be an option.

I believe that all of the positives cited by Greek organizations can be had in many other student organizations.

You are killing me.

Ok I finally read through the whole thread. I think it might be a good tactic to say, sure, check it out! And hopefully she would realize that it would not be a good fit.

But I don't get why it can't be forbidden, even for an 18 yr. old. Unless they have enough money to pay the significant dues and other associated costs (believe me there are many) it seems pretty simple to not provide the money. Additionally, and I guess this is more of an issue for sons than daughters because most of the alcohol and partying is at fraternity houses, the fact that parents of members can be held liable when someone gets raped or injured or killed, makes it entirely reasonable IMO for parents to say no. See recent Atlantic article featuring a lawyer who specializes in suits against greek orgs.

I am fortunate in this issue because I cannot imagine a world in which my dd would be interested in pledging. Thankfully, because she will likely be going to our flagship state school where rush is brutal.

I would guess that this issue would sort itself out because it seems like it would become clear to your dd that she will more likely meet interesting friends through other means than greek life.

Indeed. The parent has other options, too. A 15yo living at home needs transportation to school, so that gives the parent a way to control their movements. Don't want the child at the Friday night bash? Pick them up after class.

If the child attends anyway, there's not much you can do after 18. Unless there is suspicion of illegal activity or they're creating a nuisance, police will not intervene. If your child is under 18, however, you can simply call them and ask them to pick up your child, who is not authorized to be there. I wonder how being the cause of a police visit to a college BYOB would impact the child socially? Should the possibility of this scenario be something known to the child ahead of time?

Or what if mom shows up at the party, hair in curlers and night mask on, demanding in tears to see her little baby girl?

Yes, there's only so much we can do to control our kids. But there's a lot we CAN do, too. Be creative.

And since this point sailed over one head at least, I'll come right out and say it: doing nothing is not an option. The parents can and will be held responsible for any negative repercussions.