Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Homeschooling 2E Kids - Please Read

I haven't been on this discussion board in a long time but I was reading a few posts here and on an ADHD discussion board and I hear parents having so much frustration with the schools. I completely understand. I was there. Then, something wonderful happened...my 2E (highly gifted/ADHD/borderline Asperger's) 7-yr.-old son got dismissed from his private school. It was heartbreaking but such a relief that I didn't have to deal with those horrible comments from teachers and administrators anymore. It was the most awful experience. Now being on the other side of things one year later, I can say that homeschooling is a fantastic answer to the problem of schools that cannot meet our children's needs and cause us so much heartache and stress.

I know it sounds overwhelming and not doable, but I want to assure you it can be done! We are fortunate that we are able to live on my husband's salary alone, but I have heard from many homeschoolers that make it work somehow even with situations that seem difficult (single moms, lower income families, etc.). Since homeschooling can occur anytime--nights, weekends, summers, daytime--it can work for almost everyone. I've seen families where both parents homeschool part time. And most homeschooling parents are not teachers by training.

The best thing about homeschooling is that I can tailor my son's education and social experiences to meet his needs! I sign him up for high level classes and we talk and learn about his interests. We set up a schedule for the areas that he wouldn't learn on his own. Otherwise he is very self-directed and I let him learn at his own pace. We go to social outings and I am able to monitor things. No more recess meltdowns! :-)

I don't have to hear from whiny, angry, frustrated teachers and administrators. It is THE BEST solution to this problem. Now if my son is being difficult I can deal with the problem myself, head on, and not have to spend all my time and energy with a third party who doesn't care nearly as much as I do. My limited supply of energy now goes directly to my son.

Please consider this option. I was terrified at first but now I can say it was the best decision I ever made.

Maybe one day we will find a school that works for my son, but at this point homeschooling is the answer for us.

All the best in your journey,
Stephanie

StephanieF - So glad to hear that your situation has turned into a blessing (making lemonade out of lemons, so to speak)! I commend your bravery! I hope things continue to be positive for you and your DS!

I was completely intimidated by homeschooling for a very long time, but when we finally made the decision to try it, it's been such a good thing our son. Not only has he regained his love of learning, homeschooling has helped us work specifically on his executive function issues, while giving him the pace and depth he needs. And we get to play in his strength areas, while we stretch in growth areas.

Another thing to remember is, it doesn't have to be a forever decision. We are on the cusp of returning to a more normalized schooling environment, and I feel confident that the time is right. But every year we come back to the question - to homeschool, or try something else?

MamaChicks
DS14, in grades 8-12+.

I would like to write more but I can't right now. I do not regret homeschooling my 2e kid. Aspergers-hg.
He just did not fit the school mode at all. We are doing better by him.

Your story is so similar to ours! I said for years that I couldn't homeschool my (PG/2e) son, because I'd end up killing him. Well, here we are several years later and (1). I haven't killed him; (2). he LOVES being homeschooled; (3). we've been able to address his twice-exceptionality in a positive and constructive way, while supporting and engaging his strengths! Now that he is slowly making his way back into classrooms, it's so nice to see how much help homeschooling has been to give him all of those skills he was lacking before (ahem, executive function), and how ahead he is compared to some of his classmates in his organization, responsibility, and all of those EF functions which were our bane for so long! In fact, we had a parent-teacher conference in which the teacher said, and I quote (because this is burned into my brain as only the parent of a 2e child can understand), "he's been turning in high quality work consistently - I'm so pleased!"

Homeschool for the win!

StephanieF, your testimony is so valuable to folks with younger children. Where we're located, kindergarten runs from 4 to 5. I'd like to try home schooling for a year to see how the fit is for my son, because I can see elements of his personality (sensory needs, constant talking, need for asking probing questions, a 2-hour attention span, need to do deep dives on topics of special interest, early reading, and desire for adult partnership) going unsupported even at high quality local private schools. Our family, too, is fortunate to be able to self-sustain on one salary, with sacrifices.

I relish the gift of being available to meet my son's needs now as a preschooler. My son currently takes music classes with an academy known for its pedagogical child-friendliness, and even at this conservatory, there is already an attitude of conformity over comprehension permeating the teaching. As my son grows older, I can only imagine the gap between his needs and the program offering diverging. Where another child might be content to shake a tambourine, my son wants to understand how the instrument is made, how changing different aspects of the instrument affects its pitch, etc.

On the rare occasions where his curiosity isn't encouraged in class (we usually step aside from the group so I can at least acknowledge his questions), I see my son retreat and withdraw. He would be a hider in school, as I was, and I never want him to learn shame for the inquisitiveness and exuberance that makes him such a delightful child. With homeschooling, I like that I can encourage his use of his talents and help him to continue to build a resilient self-concept for later years when he may be educated by a third party. I'm not confident that an outside educator will be able to nurture risk taking and striving for challenges the way I will.

Thank you StephanieF. Well said. Similar situation for us with our 2e/pg ds8. He, too, had been in public and then private gifted schools for pre-k and kindy and had similar issues with them. I, too, got sick of banging my head with school administration, teachers, curriculum, etc. and was terrified to un/homeschool too. And then there's the whole money aspect (yes, we were already cash-strapped and living on the bone before we started to un/homeschool).

With un/homeschooling, you can better assess what's going on and taking a larger lens on life than any public/private school can. You can cater to their special needs and address the giftedness at the same time, which most public/private schools are unable to do well (or even a possibility if you live in certain states).

Now, I really see the drawbacks with schools and their inability to truly cater to a 2e/pg kid or those who deviant much from the norm. Humans are not sheep and I think there's something fundamentally wrong when we expect them to be.

Reading your post is very encouraging. Our younger daughter is 2e and was kicked out of her public school on a pretext -- overnight, when our rental house had problems and the city made us move. At 4pm on a Monday we received an email from the principal saying not to bring our daughter back the next morning. No goodbye to teacher or classmates -- just kicked out. There was no aggression, nothing significant, just a claim we had abandoned residency, which was false. She was in special education for autism, which is pricey, so any pretext will do. I thought of fighting it, but then figured, if they don't want her there, she's picking up on that, and we need to get her out of there.

It was actually a huge relief, because she was sick all the time, miserable, hated it, etc. Surprise -- she has not been sick even one time in six months since this happened. She is happy and laughing and cheerful.

The school district kept my older daughter, the perfect public school student for that school, though supposedly the same residency abandonment had occurred for her as well. Some kids started picking on my older daughter, and after the principal assured me that they did not have relational aggression at their school and therefore did not need a mean girl curriculum and did not need to take any action - I pulled her out, too, at her request.

I am not in a homeschooling groove yet. I am still working full time from home -- they would not accept my notice when I tried to quit and wanted me to work from home and I thought it would only last two weeks until I could find a private school. Oh you know, those wonderful private schools with openings in the middle of the school year who accept girls with autism on a moment's notice.

Right now, we are trying to move into a cheaper house to downscale to live on my husband's income so we can really homeschool both of them. I am facing that my younger daughter is not going to fit in at public school, and so what. My older daughter prefers homeschooling, so why make her go?

Just the relief of them not getting sick all the time from stress (and then having the administration be upset at us for poor attendance) has been huge. Seeing them smile and be happy together again is huge. Seeing them grow academically is huge.

Your post was just the encouragement I needed.

Great post! We too made the move last Fall to homeschooling after our child was punished for his disability and we found out how dishonest his classroom teacher was. Mine is 7 and 2e/PG/ADHD/DCD w/ vision issues and an anxiety disorder.

I agree that it does look overwhelming when we are so used to turning our children over to schools to be educated... I have never wanted to be a homeschooler but the difference in my child is astounding. It is LESS demanding than dealing with school trauma day in day out. He is actually learning every day now and proudly says he is homeschooled. He frequently exclaims, "Great day today. I'm just so happy!!"

Ironically, I am going back to school to work on a graduate degree I have wanted to pursue beginning in the Fall and I believe Homeschooling will make it easier to do so. We are hiring undergrads to both watch and teach him while I am in class and look forward to the cool opportunities of those relationships and that enrichment.

So nice to read all these happy stories about homeschool. It makes me feel less afraid for when and if I need to use it! Thank you all for sharing!

(My ds7 is currently in public school- fail. Next year will be attending a small private hg school. Hoping for the best!)