Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment Scores go out tomorrow and I need a mantra

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful responses. A lot to think about.

I wouldn't put too much stock in my statements about gifted kids. The point is, the program has a cutoff and it's meant to serve a specific population. That's what I'm talking about. Gifted for the purposes of this program.

I don't think that "gifted" has a lot of meaning beyond that. It's far too vague. You could say in that sense every child is gifted at something, even if not critical thinking. That's not what I mean.

Hope everything went well. I sort of hated the whole evaluation process. No child is just a number and I think as a parent it is difficult to have someone quantify your child. Sending good wishes your way!

I thought they would go out, since they were waiting until that date, but either they have not sent them out yet, or ours was stolen from the mailbox (we've had a lot of thefts around here lately, including a rash of credit card thefts).

I did decide that I am going to let my sister-in-law see the scores and just tell me what I need to do, rather than look myself. I just get a yes or a no, and she won't tell me whether it looks off, or close, unless there is a birthday mistake or something.

That way I won't have a single numeric snapshot in my head when dealing with my kid. I can continue to look at her in a qualitative way and not be biased about her abilities.

I fully understand why some families in need of services do go after the test scores; we are just in a different situation, with existing enrichment at home that we're happy with, a great public school system, and a child who is very social and happy to put on whatever airs are required to fit in. If she can be accelerated, awesome. Less work for me. If not--that's okay. She's still my bright little girl.

As she grows you may wish to be aware of "airs" vs "authenticity". The SENG website (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted) has many articles about developing one's authentic learning, character, and relationships.

A lot of people dislike the term gifted but it does have a defined meaning. All children have gifts, all children are NOT gifted.

Personally, seeing the scores was an eyeopening experience. DS is 2e so we had shockers on both ends of the spectrum and it has helped us understand him and help him in so many ways. I personally don't think of it as a fixed number or a fixed destiny so overall even with a single numeric snapshot it is still only that, a single snapshot. Day to day we deal with what is in front of us at the time.

It has also made us think about our own experiences in a slightly different light than I would have otherwise. DH and I were talking about this on the weekend and I said I knew we were smart but I never thought we were 1/1000 smart or 1/10000 smart or whatever. DH just looked at me and laughed. Even with all that has happened I still don't think of it that way since I work with some people that I view as truly smart and I'm just "average" It keeps me more than humble.

I would also add that in school growing up I figured out pretty young that school was a necessary evil and did what I needed to get through and get to my end career. My parents had no idea that I spent most of the day reading novels under my desk or teaching other kids during math or physics class (I liked doing it and felt bad that the teachers were doing such a horrendous job of teaching stuff they didn't fully understand and were unable to explain in 10 different ways until they found one that clicked with a kid). I never thought to complain because in my eyes there were no other options. I just made the best of the situation which luckily for me and those around me was rather constructive. I have friends that had different coping mechanisms which is why I'm a lot more paranoid when it comes to my kids getting through the system.

Re: the term gifted: I appreciate that people are not using the term willy-nilly, but I think it is clear that there is disagreement about what it means, depending on whom you ask, and I don't mean, which neighbor you ask. There's academic debate about whether there is a qualitatively different sort of person who can be called "gifted" and what that would entail.


I'm aware of it but she's just like that. I can't change the fact that one of her deep-seated needs is to fit in. She's a social chameleon.


See... I have my own scores from childhood. I have my supposedly 99.9th% for math and verbal (though at different times in my life). My mother was acutely aware that I was supposed to be very smart and that I was a pain in the ass. I was in a gifted program--one that is as accelerated as the one my kids would go into, were they accepted.

I have found that the number one thing that matters in life is not intelligence or education, but money and connections. Parents who can help pay for college. Knowing someone who will give you an internship after you graduate. That type of thing. That will get you enough money for a lifestyle that does not require any chemical enhancement. Not being accelerated a year or two in math. So while I want my kids challenged, I doubt that academic challenges will help them avoid substance abuse in the long run. Not in this society, anyway.

Some may say that the way in which one goes about meeting their needs may enhance or detract from personal mental health; for example putting on airs vs authenticity.

Is this a one-year acceleration?

There are many modern-day exceptions, including Oprah Winfrey and Chris Gardner (portrayed by Will Smith in the movie "Pursuit of Happyness"). Pulling one's self up by the bootstraps is essentially the American Dream.

Many of us lacked that and still chose the high road.

No life requires chemical enhancement. That is a choice and the person must own it.

Academic challenges, like other challenges in life, place us with a group of individuals amongst whom people can make connections... eventually helping to find or create other opportunities, including possibly an internship or meaningful volunteer position.

Some may say what matters most is one's own strength of character including attributes such as growth mindset, positivity, and internal locus of control.

I can understand to some extent not wanting to "know" the number. We sought testing for ds7 when things were going really badly once entering kindergarten. Having the neuropsych explain the results what that meant for ds and how to best support him was a wealth of knowledge I am quite grateful for.

In regards to chemicals, I have to somewhat agree with Indigo. Will acceleration solve all problems? No. Will learning to deal with challenge and frustration help in the future? I think yes. I also believe providing the best learning environment you can, while helping your child feel comfortable in his/ her own skin is going to be the building blocks. This will obviously look different for different kids. (For my ds7, local public school just doesn't get him. He is struggling with trying to fit in, being bored, and feeling like he doesn't have a real friend. He needs a different situation to thrive and succeed.)

Indigo--It's one year enhanced from the standard curriculum in the district, but about two years advanced from the national curriculum. Apparently, anyway. When I read about what some kids are learning in K and 1st grade on here, I am guessing that is the case. Algebra for all but remedial by the seventh grade.

I shouldn't have said "require" drugs and alcohol.

I just think that some people don't fit in anywhere into society, and those people are better off numbing their pain than constantly trying to find a place.


For every single one who makes it, there are thousands who don't.

There is no point putting our kids out there for a one in a thousand chance, or one in ten thousand chance.