Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School Trying to decide how to answer DS7's ? re: his IQ

DS7 asked me what his IQ score was.

I'm trying to decide how to answer his direct question.

Have you grappled with this topic and what influenced your decision?

I have not told ds12 is IQ for a couple of reasons. A single score might very well negate my telling him he can continue to "grow" his brain by suggesting there's significant meaning to one score on one given day. The other reason is that because I suspect he hit ceilings on three of his subtests, his score may be underestimated. The last reason is that I fear too much focus on a number might invite comparisons in his mind, and when he focuses on that rather than the process of learning he runs the risk of having a fixed mindset.
I have told him, however, he is a DYS, and he understands to a certain extent, what that means.

DD was tested at 7. At the time she was really falling apart: stressed, exploding every afternoon, convinced that she was stupid, that school made no sense because she wasn't smart (when in fact is made no sense because it was slow for her). She knew, painfully, that she was different, but not how... so she determined that it was because there was something wrong with her.

There was no question but that we would tell her the results of her testing. We did it for her sake, to help her understand herself. Yes, we had to guide her thinking about her intelligence. We talked over time about how kindness is more important than smartness, how she still has make the effort to learn even if she can learn faster and farther, that she should be proud of her accomplishments but there's no accomplishment in an IQ score, and that what she does with her intelligence is what's important. To us it was the same as if we had a child who was struggling because of a LD... it would be cruel not to explain what was going on with them, to help them understand.

However, if your DS is well adjusted and generally happy, I don't know if there's a benefit to him to tell him. In that case, maybe a more general answer (you're lucky to be very bright and there shouldn't be anything you can't learn about with a bit of effort) is the way to go.

I have shown ds6 a distribution graph and pointed roughly to where he is. I have also explained to him that his extension programme takes on the top 5%. But no I haven't told him exactly.

We did this last year after DS8 was tested. Actually, we asked him where he thought he fell on the curve for a bunch of things (overall intelligence, reading ability, math, riding a bike, swimming, speaking multiple languages, etc). He was quite good at estimating where he was for each one.

While we do not plan on telling either kid their scores while they're kids, I do hope to share (or at least offer) the information when they're adults. I wish had my high school entrance exam scores, and I know DH wishes he had similar information as well.

I didn't tell my DD her score, in part because

- it's from an instrument that isn't all that thorough (RIAS).
- I don't want my DD to make the number part of her identity.
- I don't want her getting into measuring contests at school, to see whose number is bigger.

I told her that IQ equates to "learns fast," which is different from "smart," and that there's only 1 kid in every 100 who learns as fast as she does. That's as much as she needs to know, because that's how I interpret her raw score anyway.

We have not shared scores with our kids. My DS knows he above 130 based on general percentiles needed for programs. He remarkably has not looked the requirements for his DYS status. I am glad we have not told him. At 14, I think the information would impact him negatively. He already knows how different he is from other kids and doesn't need a number to tell himself that.

My DD doesn't even know what an IQ test is or that she took one. She only knew she was going to see a doctor how was giving her brain a check up. She doesn't seem to have a clue to how different she is from her peers. She stands out in areas her peers don't recognize yet and is weaker in areas they do notice like writing and drawing.

It was the advice of our tester not to share the information with our children. It maybe no big deal at one age and a really big problem at later date. It's just not a bell that can be unrung. We have told DS as an adult he can know, but not now.

My eldest son (13) knows his score. He wanted to take the test and he wanted to know his score. He's older, and I don't think I would have told him if he'd taken an IQ test when he was 6 (he took it very recently), primarily because he would have been too young to understand what it meant. But he's always known that he's different/very smart. Knowing his IQ helps him understand why.

My opinion on this question is somewhat different from what others here have written. I think it's important for him to know his IQ, because his ability is a part of who he is. IMO, he has a right to know important information about himself. Plus, you can't develop a talent if you don't know you have it.

Also, IQ is more than just how fast you learn (ETA: again, aiming this idea at older kids, not younger ones). It also affects how you see the world and interpret events. His IQ is high enough that he's likely to be very different from almost everyone else in these ways. Not telling him his score wouldn't change this fact, but it would probably affect him negatively by not letting him understand why he seems to think so differently.

I know my score-- found out accidentally late elementary/early junior high. A teacher let the cat out of the bag, let's just say.

That number did a lot more to make me unhappy as an adolescent than anything else. It didn't prevent me from underachieving, from self-handicapping and self-destructive behaviors. If anything, it CONTRIBUTED to them as I tried to "live down" the number with both peers and teachers.

Yes, it meant that I was very different. But here's something I know-- kids want reassurance that they are not that different, by and large-- not the incontrovertible proof that it's not the case and never will be. KWIM?

Knowing that number did nothing to make my dad's life any better, either. So I think "it depends."

If you're 99th, then maybe. If you're 99.9th, I think there is a dark side.

By the time it occurred to us that it might be of value in DD's case, when she was about 4-5yo, I was frankly too afraid to get that number. I know that it would be high, probably in that latter territory and maybe into ~1:100000 territory, which basically just says "good luck ever meeting peers in your day to day life, and by the way, everyone you'll actually meet thinks you're a space alien."

Not the message that most children or adolescents (driven to seek connections with peers) wants to hear.

"You're a lot 'smarter' than most of your peers" is sufficient, I think, unless there is a more specific reason to seek the number itself. By the time they are old enough to have the social skills not to misuse the information, they're old enough that it is hardly going to come as a revelation to start with. My DD lives this reality every day. She has only ever met other people who are "sort of" as smart as she is.

This season of King of the Nerds ended last week. One of the participants was really annoying, and he talked on and on about his IQ. Everyone seemed quite intelligent, I decided to flip through their bios which included a question about IQ and all except for the annoying one (who posted his) had some variation of "it doesn't matter, it's just a score on a test" with no number.

Which is about the mindset I'd want before I'd give a kid their score.