DS7 asked me what his IQ score was.

I'm trying to decide how to answer his direct question.

Have you grappled with this topic and what influenced your decision?

I have not told ds12 is IQ for a couple of reasons. A single score might very well negate my telling him he can continue to "grow" his brain by suggesting there's significant meaning to one score on one given day. The other reason is that because I suspect he hit ceilings on three of his subtests, his score may be underestimated. The last reason is that I fear too much focus on a number might invite comparisons in his mind, and when he focuses on that rather than the process of learning he runs the risk of having a fixed mindset.
I have told him, however, he is a DYS, and he understands to a certain extent, what that means.

DD was tested at 7. At the time she was really falling apart: stressed, exploding every afternoon, convinced that she was stupid, that school made no sense because she wasn't smart (when in fact is made no sense because it was slow for her). She knew, painfully, that she was different, but not how... so she determined that it was because there was something wrong with her.

There was no question but that we would tell her the results of her testing. We did it for her sake, to help her understand herself. Yes, we had to guide her thinking about her intelligence. We talked over time about how kindness is more important than smartness, how she still has make the effort to learn even if she can learn faster and farther, that she should be proud of her accomplishments but there's no accomplishment in an IQ score, and that what she does with her intelligence is what's important. To us it was the same as if we had a child who was struggling because of a LD... it would be cruel not to explain what was going on with them, to help them understand.

However, if your DS is well adjusted and generally happy, I don't know if there's a benefit to him to tell him. In that case, maybe a more general answer (you're lucky to be very bright and there shouldn't be anything you can't learn about with a bit of effort) is the way to go.

I have shown ds6 a distribution graph and pointed roughly to where he is. I have also explained to him that his extension programme takes on the top 5%. But no I haven't told him exactly.

We did this last year after DS8 was tested. Actually, we asked him where he thought he fell on the curve for a bunch of things (overall intelligence, reading ability, math, riding a bike, swimming, speaking multiple languages, etc). He was quite good at estimating where he was for each one.

While we do not plan on telling either kid their scores while they're kids, I do hope to share (or at least offer) the information when they're adults. I wish had my high school entrance exam scores, and I know DH wishes he had similar information as well.

I didn't tell my DD her score, in part because

- it's from an instrument that isn't all that thorough (RIAS).
- I don't want my DD to make the number part of her identity.
- I don't want her getting into measuring contests at school, to see whose number is bigger.

I told her that IQ equates to "learns fast," which is different from "smart," and that there's only 1 kid in every 100 who learns as fast as she does. That's as much as she needs to know, because that's how I interpret her raw score anyway.

We have not shared scores with our kids. My DS knows he above 130 based on general percentiles needed for programs. He remarkably has not looked the requirements for his DYS status. I am glad we have not told him. At 14, I think the information would impact him negatively. He already knows how different he is from other kids and doesn't need a number to tell himself that.

My DD doesn't even know what an IQ test is or that she took one. She only knew she was going to see a doctor how was giving her brain a check up. She doesn't seem to have a clue to how different she is from her peers. She stands out in areas her peers don't recognize yet and is weaker in areas they do notice like writing and drawing.

It was the advice of our tester not to share the information with our children. It maybe no big deal at one age and a really big problem at later date. It's just not a bell that can be unrung. We have told DS as an adult he can know, but not now.

My eldest son (13) knows his score. He wanted to take the test and he wanted to know his score. He's older, and I don't think I would have told him if he'd taken an IQ test when he was 6 (he took it very recently), primarily because he would have been too young to understand what it meant. But he's always known that he's different/very smart. Knowing his IQ helps him understand why.

My opinion on this question is somewhat different from what others here have written. I think it's important for him to know his IQ, because his ability is a part of who he is. IMO, he has a right to know important information about himself. Plus, you can't develop a talent if you don't know you have it.

Also, IQ is more than just how fast you learn (ETA: again, aiming this idea at older kids, not younger ones). It also affects how you see the world and interpret events. His IQ is high enough that he's likely to be very different from almost everyone else in these ways. Not telling him his score wouldn't change this fact, but it would probably affect him negatively by not letting him understand why he seems to think so differently.

I know my score-- found out accidentally late elementary/early junior high. A teacher let the cat out of the bag, let's just say.

That number did a lot more to make me unhappy as an adolescent than anything else. It didn't prevent me from underachieving, from self-handicapping and self-destructive behaviors. If anything, it CONTRIBUTED to them as I tried to "live down" the number with both peers and teachers.

Yes, it meant that I was very different. But here's something I know-- kids want reassurance that they are not that different, by and large-- not the incontrovertible proof that it's not the case and never will be. KWIM?

Knowing that number did nothing to make my dad's life any better, either. So I think "it depends."

If you're 99th, then maybe. If you're 99.9th, I think there is a dark side.

By the time it occurred to us that it might be of value in DD's case, when she was about 4-5yo, I was frankly too afraid to get that number. I know that it would be high, probably in that latter territory and maybe into ~1:100000 territory, which basically just says "good luck ever meeting peers in your day to day life, and by the way, everyone you'll actually meet thinks you're a space alien."

Not the message that most children or adolescents (driven to seek connections with peers) wants to hear.

"You're a lot 'smarter' than most of your peers" is sufficient, I think, unless there is a more specific reason to seek the number itself. By the time they are old enough to have the social skills not to misuse the information, they're old enough that it is hardly going to come as a revelation to start with. My DD lives this reality every day. She has only ever met other people who are "sort of" as smart as she is.

This season of King of the Nerds ended last week. One of the participants was really annoying, and he talked on and on about his IQ. Everyone seemed quite intelligent, I decided to flip through their bios which included a question about IQ and all except for the annoying one (who posted his) had some variation of "it doesn't matter, it's just a score on a test" with no number.

Which is about the mindset I'd want before I'd give a kid their score.

My DD7 didn't know she was taking an IQ test when she took one. I took her and explained that she would talk with a lady who would give her puzzles and questions to try to understand how she thinks and that it would be fun.

We told our DD that the lady had told us that she could learn anything she wanted to and that she learned faster than most other people. That was it.

When my DS6 was tested, the neuro-psych coached us to tell him that we were doing some things to find out best how he learned. DS never asked about the results.

When my DD10 was recently tested, again we were coached by the neuro-psych to tell her that we were going to learn about how she learns -- is she a visual learner, auditory, etc. We never mentioned it was an IQ test. The person who tested her then met with her for a half hour and told her that she did very well. She talked through each area of the test and just re-iterated very positive things. The one area of weakness that came up she talked about this as well and framed it in a way to help my daughter understand it but still feel really good about herself. DD left the appointment beaming and feeling good about herself.

I really don't think DD10 or DD8 know that part of their testing was an IQ test. I doubt they even know what IQ is all about. DD10 went into testing to rule out what school was suggesting the problem was - that she was ODD, ADD/ADHD, etc. We told her we were doing it to get a better idea of what was going on at school and to try to help her in any way we could to make things better. DD8 was tested to look into possible dysgraphia/dyslexia and just to be fair to her since her older sister was tested and qualified for gifted. We told her going into testing that we wanted to see if there was anything we were missing that might help us to help her. We added that if she qualified, and wanted to, she might get to do some of the things her sister was doing at school with the gifted teacher. We explained that it was testing and they should try their best, but it wouldn't be like school testing - they would answer some questions and get to do some puzzles and maybe some riddles. It would be interesting and sort of fun.

We have not told, and at this point don't plan to tell our girls their "number". I agree with what others have said - 1. it is just a number from one day in their life 2. at this point they really don't need to know 3. we don't want it to affect them in any way (we have enough issues already)

They know they are different and they learn in a different way. They also know they are 2 out of one handful of students in their entire school that qualify for the gifted program, so they have some idea what it is all about.

Later down the road, when they are much older and better equipped to really understand, we might sit them down individually and explain it all to them.

I don't think there's much value in telling a child their score. The whole thing is a lot more complicated than a single number, and yet it's easy to get that number into your head and obsess about it, or assign to it more meaning that it really has. DD is aware that she took a test and scored high enough for the gifted program, which she cares about mainly because some of her friends from last year were sent to it this year and she wasn't.

FWIW my personal experience is that I was given an IQ test when I was in 1st grade and sent to my school district's gifted program, too, but I didn't find out my score until I was out of high school and for some reason had needed a copy of my school records, and it was recorded in there. But, while I know the number I don't actually know what test it came from, or the scale of the test, so even as an adult the number is only semi-meaningful as an estimate of how my 7-year-old self was doing one day 30 years ago.

My ex was told his score when he was a kid and believe me, NOTHING good came of him knowing it, and the value he assigned to it was possibly even detrimental to his self-concept.

It's fascinating to see everyone's responses to this. We are clearly in the minority. I think under different circumstances we would have done it differently -- I absolutely get the concerns that are being expressed. As it was, we weren't going to get away with not letting her know what the testing was for because she figured out it was an intelligence test and that it must be because she was stupid (that was the very loud complaint she made when we took her there).

She was hugely relieved to know that wasn't the reason for the test and ended up having a lot of fun taking it (great tester, really good rapport). She sat with us as we reviewed the high level results. This is more than one number, it showed areas where she was strong and ones where she was weaker. Mostly she was just happy to know there wasn't anything wrong with her.

That said, we did not include her in the discussion of the entire analysis or the educational advocacy meeting that came with the testing. The point was to REDUCE her stress and not add to it.

I think that part of the reason it seems to have worked out was that she was so young. I don't think she's latched onto her number, in fact the impact has faded over the years. She knows she's smart and that fact has both positives and negatives in her life. But she's also aware that she's not the only smart person or the smartest. And she's starting to learn the hard way that she still has to put in the work, just like everyone else.

As for feeling different, I don't know what to say except that we're all different and until we get a grip on how and why that is the case (I love music the way others don't, I'm obsessed with beauty, I have a knack for fixing and building things, etc.) we're not going to feel comfortable with our place in the world. DD has learned to appreciate the things that make people different. I was so proud recently when she said of a friend "she's not so interested in school, but she's an incredibly gifted actress and singer."

Still, I'm definitely in the 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' camp.

DS knows his SAT & SCAT scores and we've discussed those at length. He understands that he scored quite well on the IQ test and he knows that the score led directly to him skipping another grade level.

We opted not to tell him his IQ as the score all by its lonesome does not provide enough meaning. There's an awful lot that goes into that score, and in our world, the individual subtests turned out to be more meaningful. Additionally, the WJIII Achievement test results were just too plain scary to divulge.

He's only asked once, and it was part of a larger discussion. He was (or at least seemed) totally fine with not knowing. He actually got within a point or so one year when the kids at CTY were toying with calculations while discussing the old age-based representation. Funny.

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We've had regular discussions about DS's brainpower, smarts, intellect, whatever you want to call it. And these discussions are extremely important as a means of helping him maintain a balanced perspective of his own abilities. We explore his various strengths as well as his weak points. And quite frankly, his score wouldn't do diddly for enhancing his understanding. (It certainly wouldn't help him remember to put his name on his papers.) For our son, knowing The Number would only serve to distract.