Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Very Young HS graduates-- traditions? Y/N?

So my DD14 will be graduating this year-- she's obviously younger than many of her classmates, but we're game for her to do as much of the traditional stuff as seems age-appropriate and that she finds meaningful.

Other information-- she won't have a senior yearbook, really, as it's electronic and the kids don't really have a way of keeping a copy once they graduate and are locked out of the system. Because it is virtual school, most extracurriculars are independent OF the school. One exception is NHS, and DD has been an officer her entire career (both NJHS and NHS). She will graduate with honors and be recognized as such during the ceremony-- maybe even speak.

She's certainly graduating near the top of her class of 379, maybe even in the top spot (we simply don't know yet), and won't until June, as it's VERY close at the top end-- there are three or four of them with GPA's near 4.3-4.4 with grade weighting.

Okay, so with all of that said:

A. Senior portraits? Would you? DD feels that she'd like to wait until she is closer to 18, perhaps as she gets ready to finish college, before she does the formal good photographic portraits. I don't think that she's changing all that much in appearance, but I can sort of see her point, in that the yearbook photo isn't exactly going to be a keepsake thing for classmates, and we have very few extended family members to give pictures to at this point. I guess it's been about three years since we did pictures, though, and I'd like SOMETHING. It seems a little degrading to roll into Sears or Olin Mills with her, though... like she's a little kid. (eek) Senior portrait sitting on the rocking horse... hmmm... thinking NOT.

B. Class ring-- she's been a super-star with a lot of unusual activities (rifle, dogging, etc.), and could construct a VERY interesting 'class ring' as a keepsake. I'd completely support her wanting to do that. Do kids actually DO class rings anymore? Or not so much? Maybe it's regional? I seriously have no idea. This maybe seems more like a good idea to me since she won't have a yearbook. But I don't want it to be a dorky thing, and also... her hands are TINY... definitely child-sized fingers on her, in part due to her probable EDS leading to arachnodactyloid fingers. Maybe she would like a traditional one that she wears on a chain or something-- that would get around the sizing issue and the fact that at 21, a ring made to fit her snugly at 14 might not fit anymore. Would you do it? Or is there another idea of a milestone keepsake that would mark the end of some of those grade-linked high school things that have been important to her?

C. After-party-- school is sponsoring, so it's probably fine. But she'll (easily) be the youngest one there, and she IS a very pretty girl. Among 18yo's. Not sure how I feel about this one yet. She doesn't look obviously 14, nor does she necessarily act it, and many of her classmates and teachers don't know how young she is.

D. Graduation announcements? No clue who we'd even send them to, really... we're kind of informal, and the people we actually CARE about will probably be attending her graduation ceremony in person if able.

Anything else that I should think about??

Is finishing high school really such a big deal over there? I would have a family dinner and buy her a present that will be useful in college.

Our DD18 had a friend take her senior picture. My school worked in much the same manner - photos didn't need to be a formal, school type photo. We also purchased a photo of DD18 from graduation in the cap and gown (maybe $30).

I don't think that many kids at the local public HS got rings - my kid did not though I asked if she wanted one. I went to a private school and there was some tradition/ceremony surrounding the rings. Every kid got one - think it was at the end of 10th grade. DH did not get one (public HS) but many of his friends did. He recalled people getting the ring before or at beginning of 12th.

I guess it depends, but at my high school and the high school my daughter will attend, yes, it is a very big deal, and one worth celebrating, for parents and kids.

There are picnics and parties and dances and a non-denominational service for all who choose to attend. Neighborhoods have banners printed listing the names of the graduates.

HK, here it seems like many people hire photographers to do a senior portrait and it is usually outside rather than in a studio.

I think she would be fine at the party--when I was a 14 yr. old freshman in high school a few of my good friends were 18 yr old seniors--we were at social events together and there were never any issues. (Now when I was 18, and one of them was 22...but that doesn't apply here!)

If your DD is as geeky as my DD about LOR then she will really like the ring on a chain thing I think. Especially if there were some 'elven' looking engraved words inside...

In this day and age, I'd say class rings are fairly insignificant. I'd save my money on that one.
I'd also spend some money on portraits, but you don't have to consider them "senior portraits". You can then get them done again at 18 when she's graduating college.
She's probably pretty safe at a school sponsored party. The chaperones are usually parents keeping a very watchful eye. Probably not even a chance to play spin the bottle or truth or dare. (which there might be at someone's birthday part or something, where the parents let the kids all hang out alone in the basement) If you let the chaperones know her age (if you feel comfortable) then I'd expect them to be all over her even more.

But all of this really based on her feelings. If she cares about it, let her do it. If not, probably a waste of time/money.

What about a charm bracelet as a keepsake instead of a ring?

I know a family that did nice bags / briefcases for graduation. It seemed practical and appreciated.
So maybe something like this for now
http://m.nordstrom.com/Product/Details/3361210?origin=keywordsearch

And a briefcase or nice luggage at the next few graduations.

Just some ideas.

It was interesting when our eldest graduated HS, there were
congratulations offered and my son commented on that saying, "I don't know what I'm being congratulated on, it's not as if graduating from HS is a major accomplishment." For him as for I'm sure most if not all who frequent this forum, I'm sure you can understand that thought pattern, I talked with him about that and we came to the conclusion that while he might not consider it a grand achievement, HS graduation for him was stepping stone, an occasion worthy to be marked as it signaled a new beginning rather than what he considered a major accomplishment.

I'm uncertain about class rings, as you said, that might be regional. Our eldest DS got one, I don't think he's worn it after the first week he had it. Pretty pricey one week item. On the other hand, the gold chain and Crucifix we gave him the day before he left for college, he wears on a daily basis. I guess what I'm saying here is as her parent I think something meaningful to her from her family might be of greater importance and meaning.

We talked to our eldest DS about a graduation party. We kept it simple and fairly brief (about 4 hrs.) understanding that he was likely more interested in getting out and about with his friends than sitting at his own party and discussing life with his elders! Still though, it helped to explain to him that while it was indeed HIS graduation party, that gathering was also an opportunity for all those that helped to raise him along the way to wish him well in his future endeavors, that the party wasn't simply about his accomplishment (because he didn't see it as one) but a chance for those who care deeply about him to see him off before college.

Graduation pictures, well, why not do both? If she's 14 now and likely 17-19 when graduating with an undergraduate degree, photos for both occasions? There isn't anything saying you have to do a HUGE package this time, simply select one or perhaps two favorite shots this time.

Is there anything else you should think about? Yeah, there is, your child is going off to college soon and they're leaving a system they've grown up in for their entire life thus far. There is going to be a LOT of uncertainty and insecurity in her life this summer. The best thing you can do is a great deal f talking with her this summer, perhaps even taking a long weekend vacation with just the two of you (which is also a great graduation gift)

I'd keep celebrations low-key and personal. Don't worry about announcing your DD's graduation formally; the people who you really value will hear it organically from you or already know.

Gift-wise, why not make it an experience gift? A weekend trip somewhere she'd like to explore--maybe to take in a play or concert--would be a great way to celebrate the rite of passage of moving to university. Another idea is to buy a piece of tech kit that would help her in university, like an iPad with an infrared projected keyboard of a slim laptop to minimize the bulk of taking notes.

What about one of those new fangled charm bracelets? Are the called pandora? You could put certain color beads to represent the high school or NHS (I assume they have colors ) and certain charms to represent her hobbies and then just keep adding to it slowly. I plan to skip the class ring with my boys. If I had girls I would definitely do the bracelet.

For portraits I would get the official graduation picture and if you wanted to fine someone in the area with a small photography business and get some casual pictures. Many people are in the sports photography/pregnancy/senior casual portrait business.

After Party I don't know what I would do.

Where I grew up and where I live now (two entirely different parts of the country) graduation is a big deal. Most of the big deal is that it simply a milestone and a shifting of life stages. So, I would definitely do something significant, although I wouldn't go quite all-out.

If it were me I would definitely do a picture of some sort, even if not formal senior portraits. It's always nice to have a picture to look back at and say, this is what I looked like when I graduated from high school.

I would also allow my DD to go to the dance. I don't think too much trouble happens at the actual school-sponsored event; anything crazy, I think, would happen before or after, which can be avoided.

I like the idea of something more permanent to mark the occasion as well, either to commemorate the high school years (like a class ring or charm bracelet) or to look towards her next step of college (computer, a nice suitcase, etc.). As far as rings go, my DS in 10th grade just got his and is really excited about it, but only about 1/3 of his class got class rings. So, this would really be a matter of your DD's personal tastes. I do like the idea of a ring to wear on a chain since you anticipate her hands might grow more and it is kinda cool in a LOR way, but you can always get rings resized in the future as well. I love the charm bracelet idea because your could incorporate all your DD's more unique activities, but I know from experience that can get pricy, too.

Here, apparently individual graduation parties for everybody are the norm (I didn't grow up with that tradition), with an open house format and food and a card box, but my introverted DS15 has expressed for years that he absolutely wants no part in this. What we are doing instead is a family vacation after graduation to a destination of his choosing (within reason, of course), which gives all of us a chance to spend more time together before the next stage of life begins, gives him a chance to see more of the world, and is a celebration unto itself.

When we finished high school, we just finished. There was no ceremony. They sent you a certificate and you stuck it in a drawer. We didn't use grandiose terms like "graduation" for finishing high school. "Graduation" means you have graduated with at least a university undergraduate bachelor degree. When you go to university you start as an undergraduate because you have not ever graduated from anything yet.

Portraits - I don't see why not. There shouldn't be anything too weird about it, because professional photographers regularly see more than just toddlers. Everyone in our school was seeing a particular photographer for senior photos, so it was perfectly normal.

Class ring - I'm with Old Dad here... high school graduation is expected, and if it's the highlight of your life, you're doing life wrong. I knew very few people who ordered one, and I don't know anyone who wears one. I barely know a few people who wear college rings or ones from military service.

After-party - I'd want to know more about the situation, and ensure she's going with at least one person she and you can both trust, but if everything checks out, I'd let her go.

Graduation announcements - If you really don't have anyone to send them to, I'd give those a miss, too. Seems like a waste of money.

I would do portraits -- she can have some more after college, after all. Here, anyway, there are a number of photographers that do senior portraits -- studio shoots, location shoots, whatever. The school has the company that comes in every year, of course, but most seniors do portraits with more personalized backdrops. I had mine done (free) by a photographer friend of the family, with (as he put it) "all of Malibu in the background" because I wasn't willing to part with a single palm tree or pier (being from Colorado).

We still have class rings here, and that's certainly a nice thing to have, but it does tend to get put away after a few years at most. I like the idea of the charm bracelet. You can get those done with all kinds of specialization and personalization, and if she's the sort who would wear a bracelet, it's a great idea. Or a charm necklace, for that matter.

Announcements, well, if you can't think of anyone to send them to, I wouldn't bother. Anyone who needs to know already will, in that case.

I don't think I would do the party, not that young. DS will graduate at 16 at the latest, and I don't see him doing the party, either. I know about graduation parties.

I guess I would try and imagine what you would do if she did go to a b&m and graduate when she was a bit older. Personally I find some of these traditions over the top. When my daughter graduated from b&m H.S. She got a yearbook & had her friends sign it, she had a formal portrait because the school required it for your picture to be included in the yearbook but never bought any of the photos. (We kind of forgot and IMO my husband is a better photographer.) Plus the senior pictures were taken 10 months early? My daughter didn't get a class ring? She wasn't interested and when would she wear it?

She did go to the class graduation party. Her grandparents came to her graduation ceremony & we all went out to a nice dinner. She went to her senior prom, with all the trimmings. (Although her friends didn't do a limo.) We did not do graduation announcements. And my daughter got a very nice graduation gift, of the laptop she would need for college in the fall.

The thing I would miss is no formal yearbook. Perhaps you can arrange & get printed a "high school years" in retrospect keepsake book for her as a gift. A number of online photo places will print keepsake memento books. Perhaps you could even ask some of her teachers, or friends to add comments to add to it.

It's really great to get everyone's perspective and ideas about what works/is important in individual families.

Thank you SO much!!

Yes and IMO it is WAY over the top. At some schools 8th grade promotion is even a huge deal.

My kids attend is fairly typical for a US High School. Formal portraits are taken the summer BEFORE H.S. graduation. Including formal pictures in a cap & gown if you want. Seems a bit presumptuous since although MOST do graduate it's not a done deal. Stuff starts to come in the mail soon after. When my daughter graduated we were mailed a catalog with everything from class rings, t-shirts, sweatshirts, necklaces, and fancy formal graduation invitations & announcements. Imagine the money someone is making on some of this stuff.

About a month before graduation is Senior Prom which is a formal dance, formal ball gowns, tux's, shoes & accessories to match, dinner before, limo's. Some teens & parents go all out. These days Prom is really more a H.S. right of passage than a graduation events.

There is a yearbook that is put together by students. Yearbook is one tradition I like, and I still enjoy my yearbooks. Yearbook is a year long class where students learn page layout, photography, graphic design. There is a huge graduation ceremony put on by the school district, senior "skip" day, a class field trip (often do Disneyland since we live local). And to top it off "Grad Night" party that goes all night after graduation. Note: one upon a time Senior Prom was the graduation "party" but that has evolved and these days that now happens a month or so earlier. Most of these events COST $$. Everyone received 4 free graduation tickets, more cost extra. Our PTA has some money set aside every year to enable a few kids that can't afford it to go to some events.

The "Grad Night" party is something H.S. PTA's started sponsoring 30+ years ago to keep kids a SAFE SOBER place to party with their friends after graduation. Too many kids were going out drinking & driving, and killing themselves on their graduation "night". The party my daughter attended was NOT formal, the kids were bussed to the location and the kids played games until 4AM.

Come to think of it....and perhaps only this group can truly appreciate the sensibility and meaning of it, taking a special friend or two on a vacation with family might be the greatest gift a young graduate can have. So often times GT kids only find one or two people through public school that "get" them and that they become close to, that vacation time with family and one or two of those special friends would be well remembered I'm certain.

That's a great idea.

I know that she and two or three of her friends would probably love to spend the weekend at the beach and take surfing lessons. Adult chaperonage is probably okay with that group of kids-- most of them would find it assumed, in all probability.


DD has announced that a HUGE class ring featuring a bunch of activities, that she can wear on a chain, would be awesome.

"Preciouuuuuuuusssssss..."


So whoever came up with LOTR connection there-- nailed it.

She wears a Medic-Alert bracelet, so mostly doesn't wear other jewelry, and bracelets are hard to size for her because her wrists are so tiny (about 5.5"), so a Pandora or equivalent really wouldn't be her thing.

I think we'll see about getting an independent photographer (my DH knows someone who is a hobbyist) to do a few nice shots of her not as "senior" photos, but just because this is what she looks like as she's graduating from high school. It's time anyway since it's been a few years, and she just got her braces off.

Invitations/announcements, MEH. So over that. Not really caring much.

Maybe a scrapbook that includes signatures/messages from classmates is something she'd like as a keepsake of graduation. I'm guessing yes, in light of the fact that she will lack a yearbook. She can take her camera with her and snap photos to go into it later.

HK do photos, and do them with someone whose work you love, I think ideally its worth families getting proffessional photos done every 3-5 years, 14 and 18 years sounds ideal to me. Please make sure you get at least 1-2 photos of you and your DH with your DD too.

If she's interested in a Pandora bracelet, they come in different sizes. I thought my FIL was nutty when he asked me to go to a jeweler's where they sell Pandora to get measured for a bracelet, but that's what they do. My wrists are not that big and I wear one of the medium sizes. Measure at the broadest point on your wrist and add an inch (charms take up room). They sell 17cm ones (6.7") and I hear you can get a 16cm (6.2") one.

The ring sounds good too. I wore my HS and college rings for a long time.