Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Infuriatingly Forgetful

Forgetting my own head if it wasn't screwed on pretty well described me until maybe my mid teens. Especially at 6 I think it is normal to be forgetful about mundanities. Further, no amount of ranting and raving at me about it, up to and including corporal punishment - yes, it must have been truly infuriating for adults - did a thing to change it.

Within reason, I think vigilance together with grinning and bearing it is your only option.

I thought that I had made the original post when I read it! My child cannot remember and follow multi-part instructions to save his life. It is a hit or miss scenario and a parent needs to closely monitor every single thing. He is also 6 years old.
In my child's school, this has become an epidemic - the principal wrote a letter to parents that beginning this month, we were NOT supposed to help students remember to take backpacks, lunchboxes, homework, notes, library books etc. He wants them to face the consequences of not remembering and hopes this will teach them to be more responsible and not forgetful. He says, the school would provide a free apple to kids who forget their lunches (they will remember to bring it the next day onwards, hopefully). And the homework will be graded as incomplete if missing and the child cannot borrow library books for forgeting to bring in theirs.
I watch my kid closely and give him hints instead of telling him what he forgot. I am hoping that spending time puzzling over what it is will make him remember it next time. I also make him repeat the instructions verbatim and ask him "what does that mean?" for good measure. I think, for him, this is related to age, stresses at school and too much stimuli in his life and little downtime. I don't see any cure for it - just more habit training.

You can't make that part of their brains develop any faster or slower. It will develop at it's own pace.

At age 6 there should be a binder or folder or planner that goes between the parents and teacher every day that contains homework information, field trip notices and the like, and a behavior report.

The charter school didn't have that in place last year and I brought it up about a million times - this year it's in place. Yay for planners! As the kids get older the teachers have them write in it more and more, and hopefully by middle school the kids basically handle the planner all on their own.

I just don't think it's fair to expect elementary school aged kids to remember everything on their own. I can't remember squat and I'm 33! I have to put everything down in my phone. They need someone to teach them about writing down information on a regular basis.

I still forget my head sometimes!!! (ok, not really... but...)

FWIW, out of my three kiddos, one has a 2e challenge which organization *was* a huge part of - he was doing things like you mentioned all the time at 6 (and even at 9-10), but he was clearly disorganized in other areas too. We heard a *lot* of feedback from his teachers starting around 2nd grade that he had organizational challenges. At 6, we heard nothing from his teachers - not because he *wasn't* challenged with organization, but because every other 6 year old was too - totally developmentally typical.

My dds are not 2e (with respect to organization). My older dd is not the most organized kid ever, but I'd say she's relatively typical. Remembering lunchbox, backpack, turning in homework etc started happening for her regularly around 2nd-3rd grade. My youngest dd is eerily uber-organized - I'd go out there on a ledge and suggest she's teetering on PG with respect to organization. Even for her the regular remembering and not getting lost in other thoughts etc didn't really happen until around 2nd grade. She's in 4th now, and she's clearly an outlier with this one particular skill area compared to her classmates.

I also think you'll see clues to this in most teacher's classrooms at 6 too - communication via weekly folders, notes from teachers that spell out everything that a child needs to bring to school rather than having the kids remember or copy from the board etc.

So hang in there - chances are this will all go away in just a few years!

polarbear

This is just a side note - but fwiw, remembering and not being able to follow multi-part instructions are possibly different skills/challenges. Forgetting to pick up your backpack from the car seat and then 10 seconds later being reminded by your mom and not knowing what she's talking about sounds like a typical 6 year old excited to be out the door and off to school and simply not *thinking* about the backpack. Not seeing a backpack next to your foot also sounds typical of a 6 year old who's thinking of something else like tying his shoe. Not being able to follow a multi-step direction when you're told, for example, to pick up a book and take it to your room, then come back downstairs (totally just an example) ... isn't necessarily typical at 6. I suspect this isn't really what was meant here... but I wanted to point that out simply because this *was* a challenge for one of my kiddos at that age (due to vision challenges) and it really wasn't typical.

polarbear

I fall somewhere in the middle. I will rescue food forgetting for my one son because he has limited food that he will eat and if he misses a meal it affects his ability to function.

School work if I can help I will because I would hope someone would for me if I forgot something important. But usually that is once or twice a year. I just fetched a pair of glasses for the 8 year old...he can't see...not going to let him suffer the natural consequences.

BUT I also teach my kids to do a verbal checklist each time we leave the house and am teaching them other organizational skills. So proactive, not punishing. And if it is a daily thing then no, I wouldn't but random oops I do help if I can.

Yes, I too am in the middle on this - doing my best to help DS get organised but also happy to help/rescue if he needs it and I can. I ask my DH to rescue me from time to time too... I will say, though, that over the last year or two DS9 has made enormous progress in this area, and I really can't complain now. So hang in there, improvement may not be that far off...

Thank you for pointing this out, polarbear. In my child's case, if I told him "Don't forget your backpack, take out the note for the teacher and give it to her and then zip the backpack shut" - he would only remember the first part of it or none of it most of the times, occasionally he would do all of it. Since I am always giving multipart instructions, I am not sure whether that is the problem or it is just forgetfulness.
I am going to test him using simple/single instructions to see how well he can remember/follow them. So, thank you for suggesting that I pay attention to this issue.
OP: sorry for taking your thread off-tangent ...

My son forgets everything- just simple things like to comb his hair. His routine is the same every morning. I have notes all over the house, that remind him to do things. On the mirror, I have Don't forget to comb your hair, on the light switch I have Don't forget to turn off the light, just reminders all over the house. Is there a way to attach a note to his backpack, to remind him of something he needs to do when he gets to school?

I replied earlier.. but I don't see my post.. I may have responded wrong, so I will try again.. hopefully I don't end up responding twice..
My son forgets everything.. just the simplest tasks, and things he is suppose to do every single day. I made little signs all over the house- in the bathroom I have a sign on the mirror that says, don't forget to comb your hair. I have a sign on the door that says don't forget to wash your hands, I have signs in the shower that say don't forget to wash your hair and rinse it out. I have a sign on the front door that says "don you have your backpack, lunchbox, and glasses" These signs do seem to help remind him of just daily things that he forgets.. is there a way you can put some kind of sign or tag on the outside of his backpack, that isn't obvious and embarrassing that reminds him to give the note to his teacher- or whatever else you want him to remember?