Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Advice needed... profoundly gifted 1st grader

I think this is crucial.

Of course the OP knows her child best and every situation is unique. But sometimes mommy instincts are skewed. Sometimes I think that we underestimate the extent to which girls are still today socialized to please and fit in. I did not think my daughter was HG, she ended up having DYS scores. Even with that, I was still hesitant to skip her. Thanks to the encouragement of Grinity here and others, we finally pursued a skip and it was clearly the best choice for my daughter.

It may be that not skipping is best for the OP's child. But I think that the cons of not skipping need to be explored fully. And a poor academic fit in elementary school may be more damaging than future hypotheticals re: driving and dating.

Just wanted to add--from the anecdotes here clearly there are solid reasons NOT to skip for some kids. But from the OP, those reasons don't seem to be applicable. It seemed sort of a more generalized "not wanting to rush childhood" argument in favor of the status quo.

perfectly put. it's so, so easy to lose them (especially girls - who can just blend in and fade away so quickly.)

it's funny, DD5 and i were talking about this kind of stuff last night, and she pointed out she might graduate high school at 14. she said she wasn't sure about being that young in University and then suggested she might re-integrate to bricks and mortar for high school, when she would be mature enough to tough out a few years of repeated work. this insight of hers FLOORED me, but it occurred to me that the entire point of her current acceleration is to avoid her having to cope with that situation right now, when she's clearly not mature enough. (though apparently completely self-aware?!)

Yes to this. The good news is that (of course depending on LOG and the school) I believe it is actually possible that she could get what she needs in a B&M high school. I don't think for my dd that it will just be toughing it out. But I also think that had my dd been in a different setting in elementary she would not be as sure of who she is, and as confident to be herself to the world. This worries me for dd6, as we await school CogAt scores.

best of luck! the environment + personality really is everything, isn't it?

i honestly have no idea what DD will really do from middle school onward, either... who knows if her plan to repeat work, have a job, hang out with friends, get great grades and go to Uni as if she never skipped will work for her, but i do like how her "future self" appears to be so... weirdly chill. ha - we'll see how that one pans out!

+1

Agreed! While addressed primarily to the OP, these posts exist indefinitely and may be read by a wide audience, giving added benefit to discussing as many aspects as posters may have to share.

I've not come across a parent whose goal it was to grade-skip a child; nonetheless circumstances may unfold in which this becomes the path of choice (although even then it may only be regarded as the lesser of two evils). Sharing that one is in good company if acceleration becomes imminent, is worthwhile. What may seem like pressure to some may simply be open minded thoughtful discussion to another.

Agreed!

mommajay, we did not skip our EG ds and it's worked out ok. I hesitated to reply at first because most on here will know that my ds is 2e, and has quite a challenge with his e. That doesn't outweigh, imo, the intellectual strengths he has, and what we've seen with his challenge is that it's more easily coped with when he's given intellectually challenging material. I only point that out because I wanted you to know, if you have read enough and remember my ds is 2e, that the 2e piece didn't weigh into any decision to forego skips.

We have had challenges with boredom - especially during elementary. That's the downside. However, we did find ways to get intellectual challenge for our ds. The first thing we did was look for non-traditional schools in our area. Not all school districts have options, but ours does and we found that was helpful. We also afterschooled in math when our school refused to differentiate - that worked for our ds simply because he likes math. Had he not wanted to work ahead in math at home, we wouldn't have pushed it. We took advantage of camps and afterschool activities in areas of ds' interests. I think the key, for us, all along, has been to focus on ds' interests, rather than having a mindset of "what grade level" is he working at etc. Again, he was bored in school in his areas of his intellectual strengths. That's the downside.

The upside, for our ds, was staying with his age mates and not being forced to tackle things like middle-school level organizational demands, increasing amount of homework demands etc when he wasn't developmentally there yet. It's also clearer now that he's older that he is not going to want to go to college early (at this point, he's skeptical that he even wants to do any type of dual-enrollment option at our local university during high school - not because he isn't ready to do that academically, but because it's simply not what he wants). The other thing we found was that, once he did get to middle school, it was a *lot* easier to find intellectually challenging opportunities and opportunities to work ahead.

One last thing I'll mentioned, that has happened with close friends who did grade skip their dd (same age as my ds) - they were all excited about it in elementary school but have had nothing but complaints in middle school - not about the academics but about the social environment being in with students who leave toys behind and are in the midst of puberty and thinking about the opposite sex etc. This isn't a reason I would have held my ds back (or my dds), but I think that had I skipped my ds, this would have been a difficult time for him socially because of not being in-step developmentally.


I'll toss something else out here, realizing I'm most likely in the minority on this forum. A large part of my being satisfied with not having grade-skipped my ds is simply that - not wanting to rush childhood. For *me* as much as for him. That may sound horribly selfish (and possibly misguided to some), but childhood flies by so quickly. If a parents *only* reason for not skipping is that they want their kids home for those first full 17 years, I think that's ok! I really don't want to have my kids take off for college early, and I want them to enjoy their childhood. I think we've been able to do both. If there has been any "challenge" to my ds' enjoying his childhood, it hasn't come from the lack of challenge academically, it's come from his 2e challenge. I read a lot about adults saying that there are risks in not having challenge in academics along the way, but honestly, school was so danged easy for me until college, and I managed to turn into a successful adult in spite of not having grade-skipped

I am not saying that parents who's kids grade skip are doing something I don't believe in - I think it's a good option for *some* kids. Just wanted to point out that yes, there are those of us out here who chose not to grade skip and yes, it's worked out a-ok for our kids.

So back to the original question, what did we do instead of grade skip? Look for non-traditional school options (charters, etc), take advantage of fun/intellectually stimulating activities outside of school (and at home), give our ds anything and everything he wanted to read (he was reading college level books in early elementary), talk to him, listen to all his cool out-there ideas, visit musuems, music lessons, art, volunteer, go on short (and long) trips, and have a lot of fun as a family

Hope that helps a little bit

polarbear

I agree with this, and it plays into why we're not really considering a skip for DS right now.

Yes-- and I think that we are probably a cautionary tale there.

I can't even BEGIN to imagine the misery if my DD had two more years of high school left. Honestly, this last one is torturous, and so was last year (I mean, if you take out the three weeks in Europe, the multiple extracurriculars, the 8-25 hr a week spent on community service, etc...)

So yes- there is a danger in terms of advocacy in that the SCHOOL may treat you as though they're "done" helping you-- when in the case of a PG student, the entire arc is different and you'll need additional adjustments as you go either way.