Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Reading past bedtime . punish or not ?

My 8 years old DS loves reading so much . He can read and read and read . Usually we allow him to read past his bed time during weekdays . So when we send him to bed around 9 then he can read for half an hour or so . I think this sort of help him during days when he has problem to fall asleep , according to him , when he can't sleep , he's thinking a lot of things . Maybe the brain can shut off ?

Now , during weekends , we usually let him stay up until 10 , and so when we send him to bed , we expect him just to go to bed and sleep and no reading when he goes to bed at 10 . But these past couple of nights , we caught him reading , because we saw his light was still on , and DH wasn't too happy with the fact that DS went against what we said . DH ended up punishing him the next day with no computer or no movie night .. etc .

I am afraid that by punishing him , then it's like we're encouraging DS to hate reading , but if we didn't punish him , it's like we're letting him do whatever he wants because obviously he went against what we said .

I really love the fact that he loves to read and i am like him when i get into certain books i can't put it down even if it means i stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning to finish reading . So , what would you do ? Any suggestion ??
Thank you

My suggestion is to make bedtime 9:30 on the weekends, and let him read. If he has it as part of the routine that he needs to settle down, just build it in every day.

We have exactly the same problem.
One thing you can try is restricting the books to nonfiction books. Nonfiction books are usually less addictive and require more energy to read, so he is more likely to sleep earlier.

Honestly? I have one of these kids, too.

I use NOTHING but natural consequences when I catch her doing this. Truly.

My DH and I decided a long time ago that there are some behaviors that it is just wrong to punish, and reading is one of them. Now, electronics after curfew, THAT we punish.

But not reading. If she's tired the next day, really, what's the worst that comes of that? We point it out, and leave it at that. We also try to build in reading time-- both of us use it to unwind too, after all.

And I still stay up waaaaaayyyyyy too late reading once in a while.

Some people find almost impossible to go from up and about to bed and to sleep without transition. Make bed time earlier so he can read.

@iynait

surprisingly most of the time he'd spend reading past bedtime to read non-fiction book , but last night i knew it was the fiction book . He has this bookshelf in his bedroom , sometimes i wonder maybe i should move that shelf someplace else LOL

@HK and Puffin
I understand it's hard from up and go straight to bed and sleep , some ppl need to wind down , sometimes i do the same , reading in bed til i fall asleep . I really agree with you too that this kind of behavior .. reading a 'book' past bedtime shouldn't be punished , that's why me and DS was disagreeing about this .

We came to a decision yesterday about sending him to bed earlier even during weekend , if he wants to read still . The kid wants everything , he wanted to stay up and he wanted to read still , i guess the lesson would be sometimes you can't get everything .. Thank you for the suggestions .

I am with the OP's H with this. The kid needs to understand that there are consequences to disobedience, period. Kids need sleep - I understand that growth only occurs during sleep (please correct me if this wrong) so it is vital for a kid to get enough of it.

Our DD appears to have inherited my insomnia as well so learning good sleep habits is an essential life skill which is why we discourage reading after a certain point. It is tough, though. I get the same with a book sometimes - I basically stayed up all night after coming home from work at about 2 am reading Angela's Ashes - I just couldn't put it down. So while it is somewhat hypocritical a kid needs to learn to respect its parents' judgement and get sleep especially at 8.

We do allow our DD to read for a while after she goes to bed but woe betide her if she turns the light back on once we have come in to say enough is enough...

I'll echo HK's comments.
I'll bet reading is a self-soothing activity that enables your ds to wind down. It's clever and mature of him to know what he needs and take it upon himself to do it.

Agree to most above. I have a kid who has to read at night. I understand. I have to read at night. So I make sure reading time is built into every night- weekends included. I usually head in about 10 minutes before his lights out time and we flip through his book together to find a good page break or chapter end coming up that can be his stopping point. The only "punishment" he's ever received for reading past that point and staying up late was to have to stop reading mid-sentence and go to bed when I caught him. The next day when he complained about being tired, I reminded him why that might be.

The problem with DS , he will never admit he's tired , though i can tell from his eyes . His punishment today is losing his computer for half a day or a day i don't know , this is what my DH said to him last night . I actually don't want to 'punish' him for that , but like DH said it's m ore about DS going against what we said .. so i guess there will still be consequences . We'll send him to bed earlier during weekend to avoid things like this happening again .

Like i said im glad that he loves to read , but sometimes it's too much . He brings a book to read in the bathroom #2 , later on after shower , instead of putting clothes right away , he would lay on the floor with his towel , hair is still wet , reading his book , while everyone is waiting for him to get done so that we can go .. sometimes we tease him , because it takes him longer to get ready than me !! And i am a woman LOL