Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy books for grandparents?

i think i need a book for my husband's parents. i'm hearing a lot of things from them these days that i know i need to address in a new way - they're just not hearing me, no matter how gently i approach their comments. given the fact that they totally failed to address DH's needs growing up... i guess it's not a surprise.

but i really need them to learn more about gifted kids so they can stop believing this junk:

• if we let her learn at her own pace, she will run out of curriculum (uh, who cares? the world is a bit more than curriculum!)
• if we don't curb the things that make her so obviously different she will never have friends (just, no.)
• she must be taught to properly relate to age peers (sigh/no.)
• she's far too young [for me] to be worried about anything (seriously? remember last year, when she wanted to die?)

the stuff that worries me the most from that list is the idea that they think she needs to change in order to have friends. like she's in some way deficient? have they met her? she charms the pants off everyone she meets. i mean, this is a kid who is so socially adept that every single parent in Pre-K last year thought their kid was my kid's super-special-hearts-and-flowers-bestie-for-life. even the parents of the kid who bullied DD mercilessly.

the funny thing is, i worry she'll never have a true friend if she doesn't really get in touch with herself. you can't ever be true friends with someone if you're showing them only what you think they need - it'll be an endless stream of one-sided, unfulfilling relationships.

i've got three or four books on giftedness that i randomly bought when i was still in denial, but i don't love any of them. so over to you, experts. got any books that are solid enough (and relatable enough) to make a difference in recalcitrant grandparents?

thank you in advance!

Well, it isn't necessarily about giftedness, or a book of what to do, but Far From the Tree by Andrew Soloman is a really good book about being "different".. from your family/friends/peers.

that is amazing. i actually read a lot of that book aloud with DD5 last year - the experience of reading it to her was, itself, actually one of my first inklings that she might be more than just a little bit different herself. she LOVED it.

but i never even thought of it for her grandparents - it certainly would be nice and non-threatening, since it isn't explicitly a how-to...

such a great recommendation. thanks so much for thinking of it, Amy!

Wow...just WOW! I'm here for the first time. We are in the process of getting DD tested. I was hoping to find something about grand-parents, but I had no idea I would see my exact story (sans previously depressed kiddo) here! I think the same thing--DH folks can't/don't want to wrap their brains around this as it might draw light to the fact that their own child suffered and they did NOTHING! I will have to look into this book myself now. I was just going to print out some stuff I found online about it, but I'm certain they don't trust the internet <gasp>! I'm this close to just telling them to mind their own business, but I hate drama. The worst part is they think they've had a break-through since we just put DD in a charter school after virtual schooling her for the past 2 years. From their recent reactions to this switch it's apparent that they never really supported the school at home idea as much as they pretended to. The irony is, I never would've switched her if I'd considered the giftedness thing first. I thought maybe she had ADD and that I would need the support of the school district to have her diagnosed--DUH! Now I feel as if I've thrown her to the wolves. Well, at least we only set a trial period for "real" school so if it's not working we'll just bring her back home to learn. That ought go over well with DH parents! Grrr...who would have thought being a parent would be so tough at times!?