Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy And then there's ds2

So in addition to my concerns about my oldest, I also have concerns about ds2 who is in 1st grade. He is a young first grader, will turn 7 at the end of this month. He is my go along and get along kid. Significantly fewer social and behavioral issues than ds1 and very easily blends into the crowd. Teachers tend to love him because he can be quite adorable (and he knows it), but he is, I believe, a hider. I have challenged him on this a few times and he is starting to come around. But I am concerned that his abilities will be missed at school. In fact, I believe he spends a significant amount of time and energy into coming up with wrong answers (more than it would take to get the right answers). He will act like he doesn't understand the question or that he doesn't know how to figure out the answer, when I know that he does. He gets outraged if I suggest that he is not being truthful and insists that he doesn't know how to do it. There is the possibility that he doesn't (maybe I am just wrong about this?!) so I feel bad if I tell him that I don't believe him. On the other hand, he was receiving extra services in reading for a while because he blew the timed assessments, until his teacher finally told the reading specialist that he didn't need it.
I'd like to get him tested, but I worry that he wouldn't cooperate with the tester. Then we'd have an inaccurate IQ test, which would not help at all. Has anyone had a kid like this? Did the cooperate with testing? How do I help he get what he needs out of school if he is hiding his true levels from them? And I just don't understand WHY he does this? It is very frustrating...

Surely a good quality tester, good with gifted kids, should draw him out. An iq test is not about demonstrating reading or math etc, at that age it can very much be presented as "games and brain teasers". Achievement testing may be trickier. You do read about kids on here who find testing very stressful, or refuse, but they seem most often to be kids with anxiety or behavior issues already known about. My HG+ kid didn't give the first tester she was tested by her best performance, because she didn't like her and would try to give one word or short phrase answers and flat out refused to work for more than half the available time on the coding. She still had a FSIQ in the HG range. The second tester (gifted specialist) noted that she thought DD was sleepy or unwell at first, and then the tester realized she was being observed/tested by DD and she clearly passed better than the first tester, DD warmed up, and was much more interactive (and picked up half an SD, putting her FSIQ into DYS territory). The thing is that both times DD was clearly having more fun than she'd had in ages, even with the first tester she came out positively buzzed - despite her contrary behavior for some of the test. My point being, tester can matter, but working through challenges that aren't necessarily academic work can be really fun for a bright kid.

Sounds an awful lot like my dd6. She is the blender and hider. The teachers adore her and she gets along with everyone. She is also a 1st grader and won't be 7 until next school year. We had her tested with a great tester last spring at 5. I was very concerned she would not cooperate with the tester. She is a perfectionist and does not like to try new things in front of new people. She will say she doesn't know the answer or its too hard. For the response is her perfectionism and being uncertain about her answer. She doesn't want to answer questions unless she is 110% sure of her answer.

Her scores came back just under DYS levels. Which honestly blew my mind as she presents incredibly different than her DYS brother. We approached the school about her placement this year. She presents as such a "go with the flow" kid that the teacher was not seeing her at all. The school clearly didn't really believe our scores and retested her on different IQ and achievement testing. Her new test came back exactly the same as the first one on IQ and her achievement scores came back above DYS levels. She is actually achieving at a higher level than her DYS brother did at 6.

She is socially sophisticated in a way her brother never was at this age. This a kid that will sit next to her best friend (who is a year older than her) and acts like she is trying to figure out how to spell a word. She does this because her friend can't spell it and doesn't want her to feel badly. She is a kid both parents and teachers could completely over look. She plays up or down to her environment.

I think when we have a PG kid in the house who is extreme by nature, it's super easy to over look another kid. I personally have no idea what a "normal" kid looks like. I need to remember that when I am questioning my instinct about them. My gauge of "normal" or age appropriate development is off.

I would really consider finding a good tester. If he doesn't test that high, does it do any harm to him? Is here is anything riding on the out come right now? I would go for it. I know if we didn't test dd she would have been completely overlooked by her school. She is an adorable charming little girl. No teacher would have looked at her and thought, "hmmm, everything looks just fine so let's changes things for her." No way they would have left her status quo.

I do not really have advice for you but just wanted to say my DS who is turning 7 next week and is in 1st grade does something similar. He was really into reading Encyclopedia Brown books for the last few weeks - he is the type who likes to finish a series. So he took a couple of them to school last week to read to a buddy during reading time but no one in his class wanted him to read that book. So this week he wanted to take magic tree house books to school - the ones he had finished with more than a year ago - I asked him why and he said his friends don't really get the mysteries and how they are solved in the Brown books and that he would rather read what his friends like. In math too he happily does some simple addition subtraction problems - drawing circles and crossing them out and labeling them even tho he is working on the AOPS Pre Algebra book now with a tutor at home. This is a kid who tested in the 4th grade level for reading and math in WJ III when we tested him earlier this year. His IQ scores don't match up to his achievement scores I am not sure why (WISC 117). His tester said he was co operative. Maybe he is one of those normal IQ high achieving kids. Do you think he is trying to fit in with his classmates? Good Luck !

Well, I guess it makes me feel better to know I am not the only one with concerns like this! Part of me thinks I am just making trouble where there isn't any. I mean, shouldn't I just be happy that he is successful socially and is doing fine in school. Maybe I should just appreciate that. He is happy coasting, maybe I should let him? I joke (kind of) with my husband that he does everything in life at about 70% effort. He is very fast and a natural runner, but I rarely see him run full out. Instead he just coasts. As it would seem, he does at school. So do I leave it alone or get him tested? I just don't know.

I have a younger one a bit like that. He is very funny and everybody thinks he is adorable. I want to get him tested before he starts school - say 4 years 11 months - but I am afraid he will give deliberately stupid answers on purpose. His is stubborn, argumentative and prone to tantrums but oh so cute when in a good mood.

ANyway I say test if possible. I honestly never would have guessed my older son was >99.9 percentile and I still have no idea about the younger one.

I have a nephew like that - his old brother is very bright but he is a 'hider'. He can put complex puzzles/mechanical toys together with dexterity but insists that he is never going to learn to read. His parents really dote on the older brother who is bright enough to enter the NYC G&T program but tend to see him as slow. I think that some of it comes down to personality - the older nephew loves to show everyone how clever he his whereas the younger one shrinks from it.

I have one of those too! Our TAG coordinator told us to let him slide until 3rd grade. As long as he is working on level, we should just go with it and that there will be time later on to get him working on his own level. Easier said than done! It is hard to watch your child pretend they don't know something!