Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy how to talk about your gifted kid

So, how do you talk about your gifted child to other parents and acquaintances? I became acutely aware of the different attitudes that exist in response to hearing about different kid's accomplishments. Today, at a birthday party, one parent went on and on about her son's great baseball game that morning...he was the big scorer and he is very talented. I thought I could also share a little about my own child's latest academic accomplishment. The sports story was well received and everyone apparently welcomed hearing more about it . the academic story was initially met with a decent reception but then the "pushing" questions started. "you must have to stand over him to get him to study so much to do so well". So, how do you talk about you're gifted child with others? I'm tired of feeling like I have to keep everything on the down low.

So athletic excellence is an acceptable discussion topic but academic excellence is dismissed (it must be because you push him so hard). Yup. Seems prevelant throughout our society.

Funny, but I don't go into details even with other parents of gifted children. Except here where it feels supportive. (There are a couple of my close friends I'm sure I could talk about this with, but really, it's still uncomfortable.)

I don't go into details either. I just wondered, at what point in American history, did it become unacceptable to speak about academic gifts and accomplishments? I think this is an American thing and I think it's a recent thing.

Yes, and in Genius Denied it touches on how a large portion of America has come to distrust (paraphrasing here as I've only just purchased the book) the "intellectual elite."

That sadly does not surprise me at all and is what I have found to be the case. Unfortunately now I just don't talk about dd and what she is doing except to a few people who I know are supportive. Luckily I have 2 neighbors and good friends who fall into that category, but before I found them, I just kept quiet. It hurt not being able to share when I was so proud of something dd had done, taught herself, accomplished, etc. Or society is just adverse to hearing about kids who are ahead academically, sport it's a-okay, but anything else, you as a parent must be lying, bragging, and pushing and it absolutely can not be true. Sigh and HUGS

As long as sports will have such huge role in schools in the USA, academics and knowledge will always come in second if at all. I've mentioned before that I grew up in central Europe and schools there had nothing to do with sports, other than PE classes twice a week and academics was everything. Especially since high schools are very selective. Kids play sports for fun but school and what they know always comes first over there. I don't think my parents ever understood me when I was a child but they knew I was gifted and never had to hide that from anyone. Living in the States now I couldn't dare to tell anyone that my just turned 3-year old loves reading through the 3rd grade word list! They would think I'm a monster and not a devoted mom

I save those comments for two friends and my parents. The email is generally titled, "because I can't tell anyone else."

We are threading a small needle, though, as DD is internalizing this. She got an award for a math contest, and failed to tell anyone. We talked about who do you tell about things like this. We had to explain it was a big deal, of the degree that had it been sports, her picture with her and the other awardees would have been in the local paper. Tell your teacher, principal (award was from another school), and *your parents*. Yeah, skip your friends, though. ;(

I'm going to play the bad guy here and say that I think bragging is often sort of unattractive no matter what the accomplishment is. Of course, with really close friends, it's nice to be able to share things sometimes, but I'd be turned off by someone who was rattling on about her child's athletic prowess *and* by someone who was talking up her child's smarts, in a casual social environment.

My theory about this as well as related issues (such as why swimming classes are sorted by ability whereas academic classes are sorted by age) is that deep down, people understand that it's the academic/intellectual stuff that really matters and that the sports stuff is just fluff. Also there is a belief in our society that intelligence is fixed, but by working really hard at a sport, anyone can be great.

I totally agree with you all.

When my DD won the academic award, I made sure the school and the distrcict know. She got award from the district and the school but only a few people actually acknowledged it.

Actually it was a good thing. It makes parents who care about education closer to you and shun the other parents away. That's the way we like it anyway. I think we are all very proud of our kids. It's a thin line between keeping everyone informed and bragging. The tolerance for sports is high but anything you talk about academic success will sound like bragging.

You need to pick your audience unfortunately. The best way probably is to invite your friends over and the house is filled with your DC's awards. It bound to start questions about those awards