Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional 'Rotten Egg'

{Big Sigh}

We are still waiting to hear the district's decision about whether they are going to agree to our request for out of district placement or if we will be entering a legal fight over it. I have been asked by our consultant to keep a low profile during this waiting period - don't raise a ruckus about anything while we are waiting to hear from them. They are making it really hard though.

We are having *a lot* of bumps in the road to implement the newly agreed parts of the IEP. Teacher really doesn't get it and now DD is being told "Well you need to talk to your mother - she's the one that requested these things." Really? No one ever told the professional educators that it's not appropriate to put an 8 year old in the middle of adult decisions?

So as I try to keep breathing and keep my head down DD comes home from school yesterday upset because her gym teacher had the class running outside. Why would that be upsetting? Well the gym teacher had them running up a hill while he yelled "Last one up the hill is a rotten egg!" Then had them running down the hill as he yelled "Last one down the hill is a rotten egg!" You get the picture. I asked DD if it was always the same kid who was the "rotten egg." She nodded silently. I asked who that was and she pointed to herself.

Really? The dyspraxia kid with processing speed somewhere between a tortoise and snail? The one YOU ARE CURRENTLY EVALUATING to see if she should be receiving prescriptive pe because of her difficulty keeping up physically with the other kids during gym class? You somehow think it's appropriate to yell these things and point out to her and everyone else in the class that she is finishing last. Every time.

I am rarely speechless but this one? I really didn't know what to say...

Gah... Personally, I'd try an "pop in" to school before or after the school day and chat with the PE teacher and just let them know - hey, my kiddo has a PHYSICAL DISABILITY that is going to prevent them from ever being speedy gonzalez...

Jeez, I thought that kind of crap was frowned upon now. That sucks.

Oh that would upset me a great deal. I would do something a bit more formal like email the teacher (or send a letter) with all of the niceties (blah blah) and then document the incident and remind him of her disability, etc. I have done the equivalent of "popping in" to chat with a school professional who did something similar to my DS and it caused a great deal of issues and became he-said/she-said thing. I really regretted handling it that way. It was the para who does the car line with the bullhorn. She yelled at my DS with the bullhorn that he moves too slow in front of everyone (even used his first and last name in the yelling so that everyone would be sure to know exactly who she was screaming at loud and clear). I told her off basically... politely. And I thought that would be the end of it but then she did it again, I told her again and then she went to the principal with a different version of events and said I was 'blasting' her for trying to keep my DS safe. Anyway, you get the picture. So the lesson I learned was document your version of the events immediately and politely and cc'ing higher ups.. basically tell your story first and formally. So it doesn't turn into a story that you harassed and blasted and innocent teacher just trying to keep your DD safe ....

No "popping in" possible - parents are not welcome in the school. You cannot enter the building without an appointment. Once inside you are not allowed past the front office. No volunteering in the classrooms or library. No having lunch with your child. Nothing. I have never seen DDs classroom in operation - not even for 5 seconds.

I left an intensely calm voicemail for the SW suggesting she "may want to have a conversation with this young man" and explore if perhaps there may have been "a more sensative way" to approach this. I also let her know that we are a bit concerned that this is the person whose judgement we will be relying on to determine if DD should be getting prescriptive pe. I have not heard anything back.

I plan to email new DSS later today about how the new IEP is being implemented and will mention it there just to be sure it is documented. Consultant said every time he thinks it can't get any worse at this school they reach another new low. He is all the more convinced we need to get her out of there, as am I.

Creepy.

I would seriously think twice about putting my kid in a school like that... that's just creepy, like Mom2MrQ said. Parents do have to undergo a background check to volunteer in the classroom, but I can pop into either of my kids school anytime I want. If I wanted to just check on DS9, I could swing by, sign in and someone from the office would walk me to whatever room he was in. I also sometimes try and go eat lunch with them.

Maybe they're trying to keep the school safer by keeping people out? Who knows. How many students are there? (translation - how many parents could come and go that the office staff would have to be aware of?) Our school has only 320 kids, and all the school staff know who I am.

I have to admit reading that made me cringe. It would be really hard sending my kids into a school that strictly forbids me access to them for 6 hours.

Yeah - I have discussed the oh so warm and fuzzy feelings we have about this school here before. Trust me I would not want DD here for even 5 minutes but the district refused to provide the needed spec ed services if we enrolled her at the lovely little private we found that would have been perfect for her. Yeah they use "safety" as the excuse but it's really all about this terrible principal. She is wholly unqualified for her job, never spent a minute as a classroom teacher, knows little about child development and applies even less than that to operating the school, sees the students as little more than "data points" and the parents as obstacles to her education factory approach rather than as partners in creating an educational community. She cannot see anything outside of her little box and grasps onto control for all she is worth. A kid like my DD who doesn't fit into a box is an issue to be resolved or expunged. It is the child and/or her disabilities and gifts that must be twisted like a pretzel to fit into this woman's world view.

Yeah - I feel just peachy each morning sending her off to this environment. It is shocking - simply shocking I tell you - that DD would have developed an anxiety disorder in this type of school environment. The fact that one by one each of the friends she has had since preschool who attend the same school are also being diagnosed with anxiety? Just a coincidence of course...

Blah...

This kind of thing is common in our small sports-obsessed town. Verbal bullying has been used for generations to motivate kids to try harder. Teachers don't see anything wrong with it. When I volunteered at the school during my son's kindergarten year, I often heard a third grade teacher verbally abuse her students. She didn't try to hide it because it is accepted here. I believe this is one of the reasons the first grade teacher told me I absolutely had to homeschool my son. He had two strikes against him. He was very smart and physically weaker than other kids.

My son has mild hypotonia and was diagnosed with developmental coordination disorder/dyspraxia at 11, then scoliosis, then finally he was more accurately diagnosed with a connective tissue disorder and a heart condition. He was told recently by the cardiologist that he must never push himself physically, lift weights, and a number of other things for the rest of his life. He had been lifting heavier and heavier weights prior to this news because he didn't want to be seen as physically weak for obvious reasons. When I found a post by a young man who had been given similar news on a message board and who said he would rather die than give up doing sports and physical activities he loved and that he intended to keep doing those things, I wondered if he grew up in a town like mine, where people are ignorant and proud of it. It will take a lot to change their minds. They were raised this way and believe they are perfect.

I really don't know how to make people understand that this is very, very wrong. I want so badly to make them understand.

Homeschooling was our only choice but it has left us feeling so very isolated because people don't understand and don't care to understand.