Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Emotional concerns for kindergartener

I am hesitant to write this, but do want some feedback please.

Ds6 is in k and it's been awful. So, we have sought outside testing with a neuropsychologist. She is done "testing", but is going to see him again for more psych info- he refuses to talk about school with her. (Btw, I have no results from testing yet. Has given some feedback- thinks acedemically late 2nd- 3rd level, did "very, very well" on testing, and definitely has vision issue and may need vision therapy.)

The tester had us fill out many development/ behavioral assessments. I did note that in the last month, ds has told me 4-5 times that he wants to die (just wrote it on the worksheet we were given.) It is very worrisome for me to hear him tell me this. I told dh who thinks ds doesn't understand what he's saying, but I think he does. Ds will not give me a reason why. He just says, "I just do." He has told me that he "knows that I could never see him again, but he could still see me- as an angel".

He is not acting overly depressed. His is very active, engaged with family including younger brother. He does play with kids, but he has felt like he has had a hard time this year with friends. He is trying really hard to fit in at school even if the kids are mean to him.

I guess what I'm asking is should I point these comments about wanting to die out again to the neuropsychologist, so it can be looked into when ds is seen again? Or do I leave it alone, because I put it on the worksheet? I didn't realize a kindergartener could feel this way. Yet, I don't want to make an issue if there's not one. I did think about mentioning it to school psych, but for some reason my ds doesn't like her.

Thoughts? Thanks in advance.

Absolutely bring it up. This is serious cause for concern, even in a young child.

DeeDee

hi Melissa,
I just saw your post and My DS6 in K, expressed similar thoughts last fall!

His were more "what is the point of even being alive? I might as well not be alive. I'm wasting my life. I'm sitting here at school all day learning nothing new and everyone acts so babyish. I could be at home doing what I want to do like inventing new things and learning new stuff and watching spongebob"

Note that he was well liked by classmates and had many close friends in class, but he was just so disappointed not to be learning. He also actually never used the word "dead"--- DS6 very spiritual little dude and he is aware that death, is a permanent state, people don't come back to this state of being--

Prior to this he had expressed boredom, wondering when the teacher was going to actually "teach" him...He was very unhappy at school, he thought the teacher felt he was "stupid" and that is why she wouldn't teach him. When he started sitting by himself at recess, having "think dreams" in which he says he would teach HIMSELF new things, and then started talking about such Existential type stuff? I pulled him.

I was done watching his downward spiral.
I put him in independent study thru the school district and that itself has been a huge learning experience (for me!) but I have finally got that all (mostly) figured out.

DS6 LOVES homeschool He did the district 1st grade curric in 3mos, that was me making him go "slow"... now we are kinda just reviewing, reinforcing $$ time etc, I don't want him to far ahead as I want him to re-enter the public school at some point, with same age peers. (I think!)

*so YES, I think you should take what your child is saying, and realize that he is basically asking for help. He's trying to cope and understand what is happening with him. and he (may be) very unhappy. perhaps like mine, he had so much time to think while at school bored, that he began to question the point of it all, not odd for an adult, but throws us when a kid does it. doesn't mean that they are completely unhappy though- about their actual "life"- just the current situation. In my DS case it was kinder. Possibly too for yours as well. **This is what a Psychologist said in regard to my DS.

have you thought about a grade skip, highly gifted magnate, etc?

Good luck with all,
plz pass on what dr. tells you, if she does address it, I mean.... oh and yes, I'd make sure she was aware of it, be honest, tell her that you are concerned.

I'm going to assume because your son expresses the thought that he's going to be an angel when he dies that he believes in an afterlife that is better than this corporal one.

My son, also six and in Kindergarten, has expressed opinions about how great it is going to be when he's dead and in heaven. He has been told that there's no pain in heaven and what is now hard will come easily. Our family is Christian, btw.

What I've told him is that God will NOT be happy to see him before his time. We've told him that God sent him here to complete a special assignment and if he does his time here, God will say, "Good job!"

This has helped tremendously. Our son has dreams for his future and has not said anything more about wishing to be in heaven.

Perhaps saying something similar will resonate with your son. He's been given a gift. Emphasize that. A gift to be used for good, and not to be wasted.

Thanks Deedee, cc6, and Ametrine!

cc6- yes, I have been following your posts about your ds. I'm happy for you and him that he is much happier! Yes, my ds has gotten increasingly unhappy as the year has progressed. I know he's bored to tears- literally. I believe he also feels different from his classmates. though he talks/ interacts at school with them; he does not see them as a friend. He is pretty sensitive and this has lead to hysteria (at home- recounting the details) of a kid telling him he doesn't like his shirt or doesn't like that ds plays violin. This k experience has also made him afraid to approach kids if they don't approach him first. (He's actually told me that he's scared to approach them.)hope things will improve with a better school situation. We are awaiting the recommendations from the tester for a plan.

Ametrine- we are also Christian. I think your advice may work- thanks! I hadn't thought of that! Definitely will still mention to the tester, but I think and hope if ds thinks/ knows he has a job here; it will help. (We have mentioned a purpose/ job in life before- maybe a year ago, but it was in response to purpose of life question. I think I am overwhelmed with how bad this year has been and thus not thinking at 100%)

Will keep you posted if I get further advice/ thoughts from neuropsychologist. Thanks- as always!! This forum is amazing!

Neuropsychologist met with my ds and basically thinks that he does not have enough emotional vocabulary. She said to make sure knows he can talk to me, but try to help him explain more- ie is he mad, sad, frustrated, etc and then describe why. I can see this will be a work in progress.

Also, neuropsychologist thinks that ds in advancing his stage of moral development- which causes moments of regression as well as ds trying to figure things out. She said ds wants to always make the right choice and when he doesn't, he feels guilty and bad. He has started self- disciplining. So, I was told this is not bad, to just support him.

This was the small snipet of thought I was given so I wouldn't keep worrying. I'm guessing we'll get more info when we meet for results.

Btw, Ametrine, I did tell ds about having a job/ purpose here. His response was,"oh, so if I try to go to heaven early, God will send me back?"
Thanks again for everyone's thoughts!

I would be more interested in hearing what a behavioral optometrist says regarding the vision issue. My DS7 was born with visual deficits and had 2.5 years of vt between 4-6 years old.

My son's former behavioral optometrist could tell DS was a couple of grades ahead of his peers from examining him. This really didn't sink in until he started to show signs of PGness. I shudder to think what would have happened if DS didn't have the VT. The results have been dramatic and absolutely incredible.

I remember DS's former behavioral optometrist telling us about an older kid who was very depressed and most likely suicidal before he started VT. This older kid was bright but struggling in school and in particular with reading. Behavioral optometrist told me he advised the mother to find a primer/phonics book and start from scratch teaching the older kid how to read.

I'm telling this tale because it would not surprise me if your DS is getting a bottleneck with the vision issues and is getting quite frustrated from it. DS7 wasn't overly depressed either before VT, but he had a hard time too. I can say that it improved quite a lot with VT, though it took 6-8 months before we had the first major breakthrough from it.

Cdfox- thanks for sharing. I am anxious too to get him to the developmental optometrist. Ds has an appt for June, but I was reassured that they would be able to see him sooner. The person I spoke to was so helpful and nice. I am really excited to get my ds some help. I am sure the vision is irritating him quite a bit. Not to mention, neuropsychologist thinks the convergence insufficiency is also causing the poor handwriting too. I think ds has to be so frustrated that he is reading 4-5th grade level books, but has very little stamina. I am just relieved that we are starting to figure some things out about ds. Also, though I definitely don't want him struggling to see; I'm kinda of scared of his potential after vt.

Well, I wish you the best of luck. I knew DS was bright before VT, but I had no idea he was PG. Gee, I couldn't believe the speed of those developments once the VT kicked in. You might be amazed. You just don't know how much the vision is bothering him until you start getting into the VT more; my guess is that he's probably compensating in some capacity right now. The really good news is that you're getting it sorted now rather than later.

DS had visual spatial deficits, not converge issues as far as I'm aware. He was born with torticollis (head tilting and neck muscle) so it was somewhat like a stroke with the left side of his body and the neck muscle. He had very poor eye-hand coordination (perceptual particularly) and fine motor skills; both the eye-hand coordination and fine motor skills have improved but they're probably what not what they should be. DS still has some body-space issues; that's a lot due to the torticollis. He's still a bit hypotonic and lacks the stamina too. Yep, I know how that can be annoying and frustrating some days.

Since DS did VT, he's been in neurofeedback and between the two it's made a huge difference. It's not a magic bullet and not an overnight solution. Yet I swear by VT and NFT. They're both really amazing therapies.