Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school To teach or not to teach?

This.

Your DD will have plenty of opportunities to observe what a mouse does. If she wants to imagine it as a phone, no harm done. Besides, the ability to imagine an object in another role is a very valuable skill later in life. As the Marines say: improvise, adapt, and overcome.

If you want to get your kid away from the TV and to learn more from you, then my suggestion is to turn off the TV and play with her. You'll find lots of teachable moments along the way. The best thing about those is that they tend to coincide with the things she's interested in at that moment.

Also, if you show her something and she's not interested, it's usually just that she has other priorities in the moment. If it's something I think she should know, I find it best to just back off and bring it up again at another time. Sooner or later, she'll be interested. She might even be the one to bring it up later.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about it, because you can't be very much further from what I call the Big Questions Phase. It won't be long before your DD is asking, "Why is the sky blue?", "What happens to food when you eat it?", or every parent's favorite, "Where do babies come from?"

I think the best think I ever did was put the TV away when DD was 13 months old. The family room became a very chill space with, music, audiobooks, comfy places to read, and wooden blocks and animals (among other toys.) It was so simple and easy. We read our daily stack of books I put next to my chair. Every once in a while I would lie down on the rug and play (show her more advanced pretend playing scenarios.) By the time she was 2.5 she was playing by herself like that for hours at a time.

She still does. She can play so well by herself and with others. I am really proud of that. She goes off into her own little world and creates with many of the same toys she had when she was two. The other day she created an "entire world." She had taken every single block we own and built a small city. When she ran out of blocks she used game boxes and other toys. Trains were taking little people around. Animals had paired off into each dwelling. She even drew "plans" for the city at her art table.

I was never worried about teaching. We just gave her opportunities to learn--good toys (open-ended, nothing electronic,) free time, lots and lots of reading, and lots of outings. I learned very early on that DD was happiest at museums. It was exploration not instruction. I also learned that while in the car DD needed to play word games. It was playful, not drilling. It is not that I have these ideals. I really think this is optimal for us.

Anyway, I don't know much about Montessori, but two-year-olds should not have "learning materials." Back to ideals--Everything should be something you can pretend with. Preschool should be about discovering how to learn. Learning should not be spoon fed. Learning should not be an activity, it should just happen spontaneously. You are nurturing a love of learning.

If she wants to count it will happen. I remember the first time DD ever counted something beyond 30 it was at Hanna Andersson while we were waiting in line. She started counting the marbles on the wall. Once we were locked out of our car for hours. I gave her a bag of change while we waited and she made trains and just started counting all of them looking to me for help. We had never taught her how to count prior to that. We never had to work on that. I believe the first letter she recognized as a letter was a G from her GAP jeans. I remember she thought the N on my shoes was a Z because it was sideways. I remember writing out sentences on the back of restaurant menus to entertain her before our food arrived.

So, that is my philosophy. Do not worry about pushing your baby ahead. She will get there own her own. Be there when she has questions. Offer her opportunities. It is not a race. She has her own timeline. She is obviously doing great and ahead of the curve. Was that because you were hothousing or was it innate? Let her do her thing.

I wanted to add something that I wasn't thinking about when I answered yesterday, just a small item re Montessori philosophy. I will admit up front that I have never read Maria Montessori's book, but have heard quite a bit about it from my children's Montessori teachers. I point out that I haven't read the book simply to acknowledge that the conclusion I'm about to draw might not fit with MM's original intent

FWIW, the Montessori preschools my children attended, with one exception, did not accept children under the age of three. The school my dd attended that did accept 2 year olds had a very different curriculum for the youngest children than for the older children. There was much less emphasis on "work" that required a child to learn a procedure to complete the task. Just a thought to keep in mind when considering "Montessori" type work for a two year old

There was also quite a bit of creative "work" at their Montessori preschools, both for the younger and older children.

polarbear

I don't know everything about Montessori either- but this is my understanding as well. And from what I've read about Montessori for the under 3 set- "materials" are things like blocks, bells and other open-ended "toys" for exploration.

I thought I would add that for the 3 and 4 year olds some of the most important "works" are learning practical life skills- buttoning, sweeping, pushing your chair under the table. So if the OP wants to teach, these would be other great avenues to explore.

yeah, no, I only mentioned the golden beads to say that Montessori brand stuff is expensive

both my boys have been extremely self directed from early on. To the point of being stuck in occupational and developmental therapy. DS4 is starting to get better at letting me and others lead a little but that's been only a very recent development. DS2.8 only follows one or two directions and they both involve food / drink. Other than that, he's his own boss. While it may look like I'm spoiling my kids at times, especially the younger one, what I'm really doing is consciously letting them show me the way. I would LOVE to teach them things, show the little one how to do something or use something ... but he only gets mad, throws a tantrum or throws the object on the floor. He is still fairly non-verbal (but can talk some when he chooses to!) but will let you know what it is he wants to do and that he's very unhappy if you give him assistance. If he plays a game on Leappad and you try to help him, he'll rather start all over again than finish with your help. He'll not know how to do something, I want to show him, he refuses but then comes back the same day or next day and is doing it all by himself! I actually believe THIS is the way to go (at least for kids like him) ... I love how he's able to figure things out on his own! That's some serious brain exercise! I am also expecting getting himself into a lot of trouble at school for doing things not the usual way ... but I honestly don't care! I want the boys to be able to show what's in them and not just learn to be followers.

So, I would just let your little one choose the way she wants to learn.

Some years back we went to check out a strict montessori, pretty rigid except for them allowing children 8 weeks and up. Their philosophy, which was taken from Maria Montessori's writings (originally intended to apply to much older ages) included an idea (of which they were quite proud) that children should do only what they could accomplish on their own. To this end they did not prop the babies up or hand them toys but had them lay on the floor for hours (as nature intended?) and just stare up at things dangling above them, or at nothing at all if they were facing the wrong way. When they could roll over and crawl, then they could get to the toys. Some very bored babies in there. Suited best for very mellow babies who just like to stare at adults wandering around. Not a good fit for my kid. We ended up not starting him in any school until 3, as I never found one that seemed like a reasonable fit until then.

My point in the anecdote is that just because Maria Montessori's writings and methods are well respected and just because a school chooses to implement some strategy mentioned by Maria Montessori, that does not mean it must therefore be the right thing to do with your particular child (or with any perhaps).

On the other hand, there are some sorts of things in our daily life that are not much different from some montessori works. If we would teach a 2 year old how to set the table, with a fork and knife and spoon placed just so, and if they enjoy learning that, then many of the montessori works may be enjoyable for them. When one first sees the montessor works many of them seem pretty arbitrary. And in real life some things are arbitrarily off limits, like the Xmas decorations at the doctors office which actually are toys. So just the montessori-ness of these things isn't enough for me to stress out about them. To me the deciding factor is whether my son enjoys learning the works or minds that some are off limits at certain times or used only in certain ways.

For my son at 2 then it is torture to be told to put utensils just so (in mommy's arbitrary pattern) when one instead has a desperate need to make them into a triangle or an A. For my son at 5, he will grudgingly do a work in order to gain access to the set of animals or whatever comprises the work so that he can use them how he would like to. At 5 I'm fine with that, some of the works do actually teach things I'd like him to learn and he's at the age when I'm ready to insist it happen.

One of DS's school's better works (in my opinion) is a cream cheese spreading work. It comes with 2 crackers and a butter knife and a lump of cream cheese. You spread the cheese and then can eat the crackers. Along the same lines there is the cucumber cutting work. These works I understand. I also understand why it would be nice to not use that work for something else, due to the mess it would make for example if you used the cheese as an iceberg. I very much like things that can make immediate sense to a young child based on life experiences they've already had. Those types of works seem appropriate to offer to a 2 year old.

Even having read some of the Montessori literature there are other works that I still don't have a liking for, transferring pebbles with a spoon between two identical containers for example (it would drive me nuts to have to do that). But I see lots of kids at DSs school joyously doing these things, I guess the way lots of kids love the sense of pride of knowing just how to set the table.

With my child, I'm thrilled that he uses a fork at all but even more thrilled to see him today empty the entire utensil drawer without asking for his hungry tribe of imaginary alien metal eating dinosaurs. I feel he's less inhibited with ideas than he would have been had I begun at 2 telling him just exactly how everything had to be done. I think there's a age for it. At 2 our only rules were safety related. But it's going to vary parent to parent.

DD started Montessori at two. The classroom was set up for kids 3 & under (the 3 year olds were ones who turned 3 during the semester) and it really had a great mix of pretend play/toys and simple Montessori work. The kids never had set work periods at that age so they could choose to play with the work or the toys.

The Montessori works did have to be handled with respect and done in the proper way (of course, within that child's ability) but the child could choose whatever work they wanted and play with it as short or as long as they wanted.

DH and I both spent some time in the classroom with DD at that point and the kids handled it very well. If they just wanted to play they could but if they wanted to do work they could do that too. The way I see it is that children learn a level of respect for certain items. At home DD can play with her toys however she wants BUT she can't do the same with the couch, or the TV remote. They have a specific purpose and can't be used for whatever game she wants. To me the Montessori materials are the same way.

Certainly, as kids age the setup changes. When she went to the 3-6 classroom she had more materials, more options but she also had more responsibilities and had to handle those items with care. I don't really see that as a big difference to life at home. If I were home with her all day she'd still have to pick up her toys when she's done with them, put them away, help clean when it's cleaning time (or go grocery shopping when it's time for that etc). Some objects she'll only be allowed to use in a certain way (the toilet is NOT a toy!). So I see the Montessori method as setting up those boundaries and it's a gradual process.

It takes awhile for a child to learn that and for a 2 year old (no matter the intellectual ability) it's a hard lesson to learn. I'd suggest treating certain items as having a specific purpose. Especially ones that could get damaged or have safety issues (e.g. scissors are just used for cutting). However, there needs to be a lot of freedom when it comes to toys, pace, and what activities the child wants to participate in.

I considered Montessori for my ds5.5 when he was 4. They have some very cool stuff and the exercises do show what they are trying to show BUT if you only ever do the pink tower they right way how to you find out that a top heavy tower falls over.

In the end my decision was based on the fact that the system was not flexible enough to fit with my work and my desire for my child to keep doing our Monday activities (I only worked four days) and although with our funding system makes it affordable for SAHM as a working mother I couldn't afford to pay for childcare I didn't need.

I got DD into a 45 minute long ballet class for 3-5 year olds a month ago, when she was 25 months. She loves dancing, and my gut said she was ready for something structured and might be really engaged by a challenge like that (esp since older children might be more vocal and have better coordination.)

I had to sort of fudge her age to get her in, but she is loving it. She does every step the teacher teaches them, she listens and behaves well- she doesn't even care when I leave the room and the door is shut (she used to get hysterical with strangers so- yay!)

She does cry a little when it's over and asks for more. So having a 45 minute attention span for something like this and then begging for more at 26 months is something. This is the first time I've seen her so engaged for so long (besides puzzles and certain educational shows)- probably because a teacher is leading it and keeping her interested in new steps.

I think the quick pace and precise "rules" about how she needs to do something "the right way" (she seems extra concerned about things being done right lately) are attractive to her.

So, not a preschool class- but it's still something structured that is working for my two year old. She'll do art for maybe 45 minutes to over an hour at homeschool co op with the other kids, but it's just free art. She gets bored at times and I give her different supplies.

Edited to add:
Our house is fairly messy and we aren't big on things being done a certain way and her new interest in doing things right seems to be a developmental stage. Putting everything back on the shelves where they belong, making sure her garbage goes in the can, having to have clean hands, needing to do certain things in what she things is the correct order... making sure her outfits are complete, etc. I know I was that way, too, when I was small.