Are you a fan of teaching children rules and getting them to do things the "right" way and use materials "correctly" (like Montessori schools insist upon)

Or, are you a fan of leaving preschoolers alone and just letting them figure things out as they go? (like if they want to pretend the mouse is a phone instead of learning to use it correctly, just let them - don't even bother trying to get them to use it correctly until they decide they want to?)

I was all about the Montessori way of doing things, which is - you get your toys you can play pretend with, but when it comes to using learning materials, you must use them correctly. But now I don't know what to do.

My 24 month old knows all her letters and letter sounds, loves practicing counting and wants to do learning-type activities, but when I show her how to use materials I get screamed at. If I persist, there is a tantrum. So I don't usually persist. But then again, sometimes she takes the instruction and tries to mimic me. I never know what she's going to do. Her behavior is pretty age appropriate, obviously.

She read "happy" off the TV yesterday and then we did some reading games and she would get a bunch of the words right (picking 1 out of 4)...but then we'd try again later and she'd get nothing right. I'm pretty doubtful she's reading. Either way, I feel like I need to *do* something to keep her learning. She watches a lot of TV every day and I want to counter that with some good activities where we spend time together. She keeps asking for the cat on Reading Eggs after we did it, so she enjoyed herself.

Anyway, I'm afraid that insisting she use things correctly is terrible for her creativity and free spirit... but at the same time I feel like it's my job to help her organize her thoughts and actions- to show her there are rules to how things work and to help her understand how to use the tools and materials so that she can do new things (like play games using a mouse, or cut paper to eventually make creative crafts.)

The Montessori books I've read made a very strong case for insisting tools be used correctly, and that giving the child those skills and tools allows for even more sophisticated learning, creativity and exploration, so in the long run, it's a good thing.

But... she's only 2. So.

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

I don't control how my kids play outside of safety, respect, and decorum.

I bought DS those sets of 100 interlocking blocks with Singapore math when he was 4. For 2 years, he and my daughter played mommy and baby blocks with them. There was some sort of rule about how the linked blocks break apart that determines when the baby blocks get fed and the mommy and daddy blocks have a new baby block. We also used them 2-3 times to illustrate regrouping in subtraction. Recently DS told me that he knows the answer to a math problem before he starts because he can see the size of the blocks needed for each number and the difference or what the sum would look like. That unstructured, not following the rules play, evidently contributed to building a fundamentally intuitive number sense without being taught.

To me the tantrums are a flag that something needs to be changed in the overall situation.

We are not Montessori people, orthodox or otherwise, so I can't speak to the materials. But it sounds to me as though your DD is not ready to learn in a formal situation. Most kids this age learn by playing. Instead of teaching her, maybe you could play with her, pretend things, explore, and so on?

Reading/writing can come up naturally in play, and that's ok. (Making menus while playing restaurant, etc.) But 2 is too young for formal instruction, IMO.

DeeDee

I think she's watching too much TV, really... and I'm wondering if we have too *little* structure and rules in the house- maybe if I create some, things will go more smoothly once she's gotten used to the new situation.

Also, the yelling or even tantrums (they are very short) is always about her wanting to accomplish something on her own... she can't do it... I try to help or show her again and then she freaks. That's normal 2 or 3 year old do-it-myself stuff, right?

This.

A) you won't create a bad experience by being too eager about their advanced abilities,

and

B) child-led learning happens faster and sticks more than parent-led.

Where does Dora-led (etc.) fit into the picture? Or LeapPad-led... or book-led? There are devices and books that teach her stuff, so I'm not sure it's different than me showing her new things. She seeks out the shows, books, and toys herself and wants to use them / watch them. I'd like to be the one showing her stuff, too. I'm just not sure where the line is- how to keep it all balanced. I don't want to push at all, but I also don't want to let her down and not provide experiences that could help her out in the long run.

You can! Show her the things that a leap pad and Dora can't- interaction, imaginative play, etc... I agree that playing restaurant or tea party can be just as instructive and perhaps more so than any lesson at this age.

I am actually a fan of Montessori methods- and I do believe that an older child should be taught how to handle materials. But the more important philosophy of Montessori is follow the child. Watch her and interact with her in a way that she's seeking. She can learn letters from a show or a leap pad. But she can not learn to converse from those. If she seems to be begging for a lesson, give her only as much as she's asked for and then see if she's satisfied or if she wants more. If she's throwing a tantrum, she may not feel like you are understanding what she wants.

If she seeks them out, I'd consider this child led. My definition of child led is anything (electronic, paper, etc.) that your child wants to do, Vs. something you "assign" her. I sat for hours with my DD with books, but she would toddle after me book in hand and tug at my pant leg, rather than me scooping her up from the floor and bringing her to the books.

ITA.

I would also add one thing - the likelihood that you will mess up your child's education and future school choices by what you teach or how you teach them now, at 2, is extremely slim (maybe non-existent). OTOH, this is the one chance you'll have to enjoy having this particular toddler in your house, to play with this particular human being while they are two, to just have fun with her while is two. I wouldn't obsess over learning - let you child show you what she wants, follow her lead, and most importantly, just have fun! The early years go by very quickly. And EG/PG/HG+ whatever kids... are going to be smart, whether or not their parents give them a leap pad when they are two or obsess over what they are learning.

Best wishes,

polarbear

She's said before MG not EG runs in her family. I don't think she's trying to make an EG child, she just wants to engage with her child as a home preschooler (it's fun). Maybe I can help with the other part a little bit. How does a preschool teacher teach her class of two and three year olds? She engages them, but doesn't ask any child to answer every question. The questions aren't really quizzing them to find out if they understand, either. You'll know they understand when you catch them independantly using a skill you showed them when they're off doing their own thing. It happens. Kids learn. Really, at first, you're leading/teaching/ showing them that this is what we (people) do- we learn from other people teaching us. (disclaimer- there are many philosophies that say this is incorrect). But early on you really want to lead her not push her. For example, by modeling, by narrating exaggeratedly when you do the skills you want her to learn. If you ask her to do something and she doesn't do it YOU jump in and do all the problems quickly and cheerfully like you don't want her to do it. She'll push you out the way to do it sometimes. The times she doesn't, that's okay. You can do the work in front of her and if she's engaged, interested, if you're interesting, she'll learn what you're trying to teach her and even "do it self", you're way, the way you're trying to teach her more and more often.

Later comes the time for a gentle balanced push, for a period. After several years you will have modled, coaxed, and led her into the learning lifestyle. She will understand that learning is what we do and she'll know how to do it. At that point it will be child paced. The child will do most of the work and they'll get you to do some of it (opposite of above). This is where the balanced push comes in. Sometimes you help and do the work in front of them. Sometimes you tell them they have to do it themselves. (this is second grade level-ish normally). This is where the tantrums come in, but it's a different tantrum, it's groaning, rolling, procrastinating, excusesing.
That's only for parts they get stuck on because they mostly like learning.

To me, the child-led, interest led is when they're tweens.
JMO, I've spent lots of time during my childhood caring for children. That's where I got these opinions from.

This.

Your DD will have plenty of opportunities to observe what a mouse does. If she wants to imagine it as a phone, no harm done. Besides, the ability to imagine an object in another role is a very valuable skill later in life. As the Marines say: improvise, adapt, and overcome.

If you want to get your kid away from the TV and to learn more from you, then my suggestion is to turn off the TV and play with her. You'll find lots of teachable moments along the way. The best thing about those is that they tend to coincide with the things she's interested in at that moment.

Also, if you show her something and she's not interested, it's usually just that she has other priorities in the moment. If it's something I think she should know, I find it best to just back off and bring it up again at another time. Sooner or later, she'll be interested. She might even be the one to bring it up later.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about it, because you can't be very much further from what I call the Big Questions Phase. It won't be long before your DD is asking, "Why is the sky blue?", "What happens to food when you eat it?", or every parent's favorite, "Where do babies come from?"

I think the best think I ever did was put the TV away when DD was 13 months old. The family room became a very chill space with, music, audiobooks, comfy places to read, and wooden blocks and animals (among other toys.) It was so simple and easy. We read our daily stack of books I put next to my chair. Every once in a while I would lie down on the rug and play (show her more advanced pretend playing scenarios.) By the time she was 2.5 she was playing by herself like that for hours at a time.

She still does. She can play so well by herself and with others. I am really proud of that. She goes off into her own little world and creates with many of the same toys she had when she was two. The other day she created an "entire world." She had taken every single block we own and built a small city. When she ran out of blocks she used game boxes and other toys. Trains were taking little people around. Animals had paired off into each dwelling. She even drew "plans" for the city at her art table.

I was never worried about teaching. We just gave her opportunities to learn--good toys (open-ended, nothing electronic,) free time, lots and lots of reading, and lots of outings. I learned very early on that DD was happiest at museums. It was exploration not instruction. I also learned that while in the car DD needed to play word games. It was playful, not drilling. It is not that I have these ideals. I really think this is optimal for us.

Anyway, I don't know much about Montessori, but two-year-olds should not have "learning materials." Back to ideals--Everything should be something you can pretend with. Preschool should be about discovering how to learn. Learning should not be spoon fed. Learning should not be an activity, it should just happen spontaneously. You are nurturing a love of learning.

If she wants to count it will happen. I remember the first time DD ever counted something beyond 30 it was at Hanna Andersson while we were waiting in line. She started counting the marbles on the wall. Once we were locked out of our car for hours. I gave her a bag of change while we waited and she made trains and just started counting all of them looking to me for help. We had never taught her how to count prior to that. We never had to work on that. I believe the first letter she recognized as a letter was a G from her GAP jeans. I remember she thought the N on my shoes was a Z because it was sideways. I remember writing out sentences on the back of restaurant menus to entertain her before our food arrived.

So, that is my philosophy. Do not worry about pushing your baby ahead. She will get there own her own. Be there when she has questions. Offer her opportunities. It is not a race. She has her own timeline. She is obviously doing great and ahead of the curve. Was that because you were hothousing or was it innate? Let her do her thing.

I wanted to add something that I wasn't thinking about when I answered yesterday, just a small item re Montessori philosophy. I will admit up front that I have never read Maria Montessori's book, but have heard quite a bit about it from my children's Montessori teachers. I point out that I haven't read the book simply to acknowledge that the conclusion I'm about to draw might not fit with MM's original intent

FWIW, the Montessori preschools my children attended, with one exception, did not accept children under the age of three. The school my dd attended that did accept 2 year olds had a very different curriculum for the youngest children than for the older children. There was much less emphasis on "work" that required a child to learn a procedure to complete the task. Just a thought to keep in mind when considering "Montessori" type work for a two year old

There was also quite a bit of creative "work" at their Montessori preschools, both for the younger and older children.

polarbear

I don't know everything about Montessori either- but this is my understanding as well. And from what I've read about Montessori for the under 3 set- "materials" are things like blocks, bells and other open-ended "toys" for exploration.

I thought I would add that for the 3 and 4 year olds some of the most important "works" are learning practical life skills- buttoning, sweeping, pushing your chair under the table. So if the OP wants to teach, these would be other great avenues to explore.

yeah, no, I only mentioned the golden beads to say that Montessori brand stuff is expensive

both my boys have been extremely self directed from early on. To the point of being stuck in occupational and developmental therapy. DS4 is starting to get better at letting me and others lead a little but that's been only a very recent development. DS2.8 only follows one or two directions and they both involve food / drink. Other than that, he's his own boss. While it may look like I'm spoiling my kids at times, especially the younger one, what I'm really doing is consciously letting them show me the way. I would LOVE to teach them things, show the little one how to do something or use something ... but he only gets mad, throws a tantrum or throws the object on the floor. He is still fairly non-verbal (but can talk some when he chooses to!) but will let you know what it is he wants to do and that he's very unhappy if you give him assistance. If he plays a game on Leappad and you try to help him, he'll rather start all over again than finish with your help. He'll not know how to do something, I want to show him, he refuses but then comes back the same day or next day and is doing it all by himself! I actually believe THIS is the way to go (at least for kids like him) ... I love how he's able to figure things out on his own! That's some serious brain exercise! I am also expecting getting himself into a lot of trouble at school for doing things not the usual way ... but I honestly don't care! I want the boys to be able to show what's in them and not just learn to be followers.

So, I would just let your little one choose the way she wants to learn.

Some years back we went to check out a strict montessori, pretty rigid except for them allowing children 8 weeks and up. Their philosophy, which was taken from Maria Montessori's writings (originally intended to apply to much older ages) included an idea (of which they were quite proud) that children should do only what they could accomplish on their own. To this end they did not prop the babies up or hand them toys but had them lay on the floor for hours (as nature intended?) and just stare up at things dangling above them, or at nothing at all if they were facing the wrong way. When they could roll over and crawl, then they could get to the toys. Some very bored babies in there. Suited best for very mellow babies who just like to stare at adults wandering around. Not a good fit for my kid. We ended up not starting him in any school until 3, as I never found one that seemed like a reasonable fit until then.

My point in the anecdote is that just because Maria Montessori's writings and methods are well respected and just because a school chooses to implement some strategy mentioned by Maria Montessori, that does not mean it must therefore be the right thing to do with your particular child (or with any perhaps).

On the other hand, there are some sorts of things in our daily life that are not much different from some montessori works. If we would teach a 2 year old how to set the table, with a fork and knife and spoon placed just so, and if they enjoy learning that, then many of the montessori works may be enjoyable for them. When one first sees the montessor works many of them seem pretty arbitrary. And in real life some things are arbitrarily off limits, like the Xmas decorations at the doctors office which actually are toys. So just the montessori-ness of these things isn't enough for me to stress out about them. To me the deciding factor is whether my son enjoys learning the works or minds that some are off limits at certain times or used only in certain ways.

For my son at 2 then it is torture to be told to put utensils just so (in mommy's arbitrary pattern) when one instead has a desperate need to make them into a triangle or an A. For my son at 5, he will grudgingly do a work in order to gain access to the set of animals or whatever comprises the work so that he can use them how he would like to. At 5 I'm fine with that, some of the works do actually teach things I'd like him to learn and he's at the age when I'm ready to insist it happen.

One of DS's school's better works (in my opinion) is a cream cheese spreading work. It comes with 2 crackers and a butter knife and a lump of cream cheese. You spread the cheese and then can eat the crackers. Along the same lines there is the cucumber cutting work. These works I understand. I also understand why it would be nice to not use that work for something else, due to the mess it would make for example if you used the cheese as an iceberg. I very much like things that can make immediate sense to a young child based on life experiences they've already had. Those types of works seem appropriate to offer to a 2 year old.

Even having read some of the Montessori literature there are other works that I still don't have a liking for, transferring pebbles with a spoon between two identical containers for example (it would drive me nuts to have to do that). But I see lots of kids at DSs school joyously doing these things, I guess the way lots of kids love the sense of pride of knowing just how to set the table.

With my child, I'm thrilled that he uses a fork at all but even more thrilled to see him today empty the entire utensil drawer without asking for his hungry tribe of imaginary alien metal eating dinosaurs. I feel he's less inhibited with ideas than he would have been had I begun at 2 telling him just exactly how everything had to be done. I think there's a age for it. At 2 our only rules were safety related. But it's going to vary parent to parent.

DD started Montessori at two. The classroom was set up for kids 3 & under (the 3 year olds were ones who turned 3 during the semester) and it really had a great mix of pretend play/toys and simple Montessori work. The kids never had set work periods at that age so they could choose to play with the work or the toys.

The Montessori works did have to be handled with respect and done in the proper way (of course, within that child's ability) but the child could choose whatever work they wanted and play with it as short or as long as they wanted.

DH and I both spent some time in the classroom with DD at that point and the kids handled it very well. If they just wanted to play they could but if they wanted to do work they could do that too. The way I see it is that children learn a level of respect for certain items. At home DD can play with her toys however she wants BUT she can't do the same with the couch, or the TV remote. They have a specific purpose and can't be used for whatever game she wants. To me the Montessori materials are the same way.

Certainly, as kids age the setup changes. When she went to the 3-6 classroom she had more materials, more options but she also had more responsibilities and had to handle those items with care. I don't really see that as a big difference to life at home. If I were home with her all day she'd still have to pick up her toys when she's done with them, put them away, help clean when it's cleaning time (or go grocery shopping when it's time for that etc). Some objects she'll only be allowed to use in a certain way (the toilet is NOT a toy!). So I see the Montessori method as setting up those boundaries and it's a gradual process.

It takes awhile for a child to learn that and for a 2 year old (no matter the intellectual ability) it's a hard lesson to learn. I'd suggest treating certain items as having a specific purpose. Especially ones that could get damaged or have safety issues (e.g. scissors are just used for cutting). However, there needs to be a lot of freedom when it comes to toys, pace, and what activities the child wants to participate in.

I considered Montessori for my ds5.5 when he was 4. They have some very cool stuff and the exercises do show what they are trying to show BUT if you only ever do the pink tower they right way how to you find out that a top heavy tower falls over.

In the end my decision was based on the fact that the system was not flexible enough to fit with my work and my desire for my child to keep doing our Monday activities (I only worked four days) and although with our funding system makes it affordable for SAHM as a working mother I couldn't afford to pay for childcare I didn't need.

I got DD into a 45 minute long ballet class for 3-5 year olds a month ago, when she was 25 months. She loves dancing, and my gut said she was ready for something structured and might be really engaged by a challenge like that (esp since older children might be more vocal and have better coordination.)

I had to sort of fudge her age to get her in, but she is loving it. She does every step the teacher teaches them, she listens and behaves well- she doesn't even care when I leave the room and the door is shut (she used to get hysterical with strangers so- yay!)

She does cry a little when it's over and asks for more. So having a 45 minute attention span for something like this and then begging for more at 26 months is something. This is the first time I've seen her so engaged for so long (besides puzzles and certain educational shows)- probably because a teacher is leading it and keeping her interested in new steps.

I think the quick pace and precise "rules" about how she needs to do something "the right way" (she seems extra concerned about things being done right lately) are attractive to her.

So, not a preschool class- but it's still something structured that is working for my two year old. She'll do art for maybe 45 minutes to over an hour at homeschool co op with the other kids, but it's just free art. She gets bored at times and I give her different supplies.

Edited to add:
Our house is fairly messy and we aren't big on things being done a certain way and her new interest in doing things right seems to be a developmental stage. Putting everything back on the shelves where they belong, making sure her garbage goes in the can, having to have clean hands, needing to do certain things in what she things is the correct order... making sure her outfits are complete, etc. I know I was that way, too, when I was small.