Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Please Help! Not sure what's best

A little background: our oldest son (now almost 7) asked us to teach him to reach at age 3 1/2. We did. He took off with it a little at a time. A year later he really got going and could read pretty well when he started Kindergarten last fall. I guess I didn't accurately explain my concerns when I told both the counselor and the teacher about his abilities. After the first grading period, his kindergarten teacher said she wasn't sure what to do with him after learning he was reading at a mid to late second grade level, but we discussed some ideas I was just fine with trying. The following Monday she came to me and offered a possible solution...move him to first grade. After researching like crazy that week (that's how I found this forum!), we met with his teacher, a first grade teacher, the counselor, principal, and a school psych intern. We decided it was in his best interest to move him up. We tried a slow transition, but he was ready to jump in feet first. So he did after a few days...And it was a perfect fit for him. He started enjoying school and opened up socially (it may or may not have helped that two of our neighbors were in his class). He did well academically, going out for reading group, etc.

Then I learned in the spring that at his public school, all 2nd and 3rd grades are combined. Students have the same "homeroom" teacher for both years and are split into ability levels for reading & math. They do social studies/writing/science in the homeroom class. My initial thoughts were that it would be great as he would have easy access to 3rd grade curriculum if need be. And then the year began... and they do the same thing all the time. Same spelling homework format, different words. Math homework ONCE/week. They spent the entire first half of the year adding and subtracting 2 digit numbers. And doing "mad minutes" for addition facts. He is still working on the 8s, but He wants to learn his multiplication once he grasped the concept months ago.

He is in the highest 2nd grade reading group, and while monotonous (the tests are the same. The homework format is the same. I think it is boring!), I don't have as much of an issue with it because they do have ample opportunities for reading at higher levels, etc. And they switched from a text book to a chapter book before Christmas. He enjoyed that. They are back to textbooks now.

So....I have been looking into homeschooling him. But my husband is on board. Mostly because our son is very shy. An adult asked him his name last night at karate class, and he answered with no problem. The same lady told him after class that it was nice to meet him, he turned away from her. Not trying to be rude, but because he was uncomfortable. I'm not sure he even knew how to respond. He gets very nervous, and you can feel how uncomfortable he is based on his body language in social settings. He thinks everyone is watching him. I was the same way (still can be at times), so I can totally relate. I don't know if that is playing into me wanting to yank him out of school, but, he likes socializing at school.

It has crossed my mind that maybe I could teach him his core content at his rate and learning style & see if the school would allow him to come for specials and other things. Thought that would make him stand out, so I don't know that that would work for him.

Or...I am going to have to fight for a different curriculum for him at school...and I wouldn't even know where to start!

Any advice? Anywhere you can point me to figure this out? I'm not even sure who I would talk to first at school. I think his teacher already thinks I am a helicopter parent!

Sorry so long. It's just heavy on the mind and heart today.

Thanks

Okay, so let me see if I have understood the major points regarding his placement--

he is six now

he was accelerated last year from Kindy to 2nd mid-year

he is in third this year(?)

he still seems to not be "topping out" of the ability groupings in his class


Is all of that correct?

If so, it sounds like the placement is still more or less working-- but maybe his boredom is due to the perception of spiraling curriculum?

Have you asked him to name some things that he's learned this year at school? Is he complaining about boredom? Or are you perceiving it? Is he the type of child who WOULD complain? Is he happy? That would probably be my first approach. That way it isn't about you when you discuss things with the teacher, it's about your DS.

Honestly, I don't think I'd be looking at homeschool given what you've posted. (As noted, unless I missed something there.) It sounds as though he has room for growth in the current placement-- that 80th percentile is actually the IDEAL from an acceleration standpoint, assuming that the basic curriculum is suitable overall. A split classroom is good, because it allows for our accelerated kids to choose social interaction with kids who are more on par with them in a developmental (chronological) sense if/when they need that, and to do academics with the brightest kids in the higher grade at the same time.

For that reason, though, that two grade split is often better when the HG child is in the younger grade.

The classroom sounds somewhat flexible; perhaps an independent project would be intrinsically more motivating to your DS if he could work on that when he was finished with his regular work?

He started K last year but finished the year in first.

He is now in 2nd in a 2/3 split class.

He is grouped in the higher ability second grade groups for math and reading. And on the testing they do three times/year, he was barely still on the grid for reading in the fall. Even the test results said, "consider individualized instruction." I am still waiting for winter results.

He is happy when he has free time or time with friends. Last week was more relaxed at school, per his teacher, and his mood compared to weeks prior was very different. Happy...not the crying mess he was the week before...and for no apparent reason.

He has sometimes said he is bored at school. When I ask point blank if he thinks it is easy or hard, he says hard. I think, though, he is very much a six year old boy when it comes to writing, and his hand can't keep pace with his brain. I have no desire to move him up more. He hates homework. It's often a fight as little as he even has. His chief complaint is that he is the smallest in his class (I couldn't promise him that wouldn't be the case even if he were with same age peers in first grade. He's a little guy).

His grades this year for first and second grading periods are as follows. And this is with minimal effort outside of school:

Lang. Arts: 101. 101
Reading: 97. 95
Math: 94. 97
Social studies: 100. 98
Science: 100. 98

Oh...and he is not easy to read at all! Well unless he is his nervous self in a social setting. He often has anxiety on Sunday nights. It gets better as the week goes on. He tends to try to hide his true feelings about a lot of things. He rarely shows excitement even at home. His teachers think he is great and doing great. I fear his laziness is going to be encouraged by getting As and not having to work hard for them....among other skills I didn't learn until later in life

What changed?

End of the marking period?

Curious, that.

Hmm-- I'm wondering why he hasn't been moved into doing 3rd grade (albeit differentiated for written work) at this point, with the scores that he's earning. Is his daily/weekly work like that, too, or just the overall marking period?

If it's daily work, too, and you track down the source of his fluctuating anxiety...

consider that these could be warning signs of perfectionism. Sunday-night anxiety that wanes as the new weekend approaches is NOT a good sign. I'm sure that you already noticed that.


My number one response to this is... why? Why "hard?" Why a "fight" to get homework done? This is similar to some of the behavioral problems that we experienced with my DD at 6-8 yo. In retrospect, it was almost entirely about inappropriate curriculum.

Might be worth a try to do something with your DS (a puzzle, a walk, video game, ride in the car) where he doesn't have to make eye contact with you while you 'talk' about what he likes/doesn't-- then steer the conversation toward school and see what he tells you.

As HK says... What makes school hard? The work he has to do, or keeping quiet while bored out of his mind? Or something else?

So I was trying to talk to him before bed tonight...we often have chats when tucking him in. I got to a point to ask him what was hard about school work. He instead wanted to tell me the "hardest thing about school" and told me that no one will play with him on the playground (it was nice enough to play outside today). I asked about specific friends he talks about & he said they were playing together with another kid and his neighbor friend. I asked what he did &he said he just walked around. Ugh...break my heart.