Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DD10 and food issues...

Hello-

I'm looking for some insight into some "food behaviors" that DD10 (HG) has been having lately. She has always been tiny, and very picky about food textures, etc. I know that has to do with her sensitivity. She will say "I don't like ______" all the time. As parents, we eventually said, you have to eat anyway. If not, the kid would waste away to nothing. We have never been a "chicken nugget" family. We haven't ever given in to her refusals, just always insisted that she had to eat and try new foods.

Lately, she's been saying "I'm not hungry." She will pick and pick at her food. This happens almost every meal. She has always kind of been that way, never a big eater, but it has gotten much worse in the past few months.

I was very overweight, to the point that I was having health issues. Over the past year I have lost 52 lbs., and am now at a healthy weight. Throughout that process we overhauled our eating habits. There isn't much junk in our house anymore. We try to eat clean, less processed foods overall. Luckily the health issues went away! I have been very careful to not refer to vanity through all of this- Saying things like, "Mom is getting healthy. I had to lose weight to keep from being sick."

DD will, however, eat candy, junk food, etc., if she gets it at school. So, I'm not so sure what is playing into this. I would think if she was having body image issues she wouldn't eat cookies like it was going out of style.

Has anyone else had this happen with a sensitive tactile kind of kid? Did they turn it into a battle? How did you handle it? Should I worry about body image with her? Or do you think it's more that she doesn't like the changes that we've made and is rebelling? I do worry about her health. She is tiny anyway, and I worry about her getting enough nutrients.

Thanks-
Julie

We've had good luck with our DS7. One thing we noticed is strange patterns of what types of foods he'd eat, like wanting almost all proteins, then realizing a couple of weeks later he's had a growth spurt. That led to the realization that natural instincts are pretty sharp in a kid if they don't get broke.

With that in mind and given he is smart and articulate and undestands the role of food (and based on our childhood and adult experiences with unrealistic food interactions), it was decided to let him become his own best advocate on what and how much to eat.

Critical to this is he can always say he doesn't want to eat a particular food, and we have known foods he likes as alternatives so he can have a balanced meal. He understands balance. We never use dessert or treats as rewards or punishments. We also watch some cooking shows together, and he'll help out in the kitchen.

If he says he's full or doesn't like something, then we discuss it and talk through what exactly it is. Sometimes the tastes are too complex. Sometimes it's a strange texture. Sometimes the color looks wrong.

I don't know that it would work for everyone.

Does your dd dislike your new food items? My 10yo son sounds a lot like your dd and he would rather not eat at all than try, for instance, a pork chop with gravy on it. He doesn't seem to have a strong hunger switch.

My strategy is to make sure he has things at the table I know he'll eat. For instance, even though the pork chops were made with a sauce, I made one without that I knew he would eat. I didn't say anything about it, but that's the one he chose (of course). He has a limited food range and has always been bothered by mushy textures and soft food. He'll only eat 3-4 types of raw vegetables, "plain" meat-- usually grilled chicken, and bread. He loves milk, but no other dairy. But he eats every kind of junk food. He is, of course, skinny.

If I were you, I would make sure your meals have healthy items you know she'll eat and won't complain about, then leave her alone and let her choose what to eat.

We often make my picky eater have two bites of something he is suspicious of. He has never agreed to take more than that. I hope he'll grow out of it. And I think he will, because he'll agree to eat things at friends' houses that he won't eat at ours'. When he was a lot younger (6 & under), I would give him Instant Breakfast in his milk for an extra nutritional boost when he was going through particularly picky phases. But I would definitely try not to turn food into a battle.

Have you had her tested for allergies/intolerances?

I had a TON of issues with eating and with my stomach when I was younger. My dad was of the 'clean your plate' variety, so it was a constant source of anxiety. Many years later, as an adult, I've realized DAIRY IS NOT MY FRIEND! Once I cut dairy out of my diet I felt AMAZING. If I give into temptation and have some cheese or something I feel sooooo sick for like 2-3 days afterwards.

Having said all that - unless I am vomiting, I will still enjoy me some cookies or cupcakes or fruit snacks, lol. I have a serious sugar addiction. I once tried to sneak the whole jar of flintstone's vitamins as a kid because they were yummy!


If there are no digestive issues going on, you might want to consider therapy. Kids that are having issues that make them feel powerless will sometimes try to assert power over their lives in ways they know how to - one of which is eating.

Our DD's palate is so sensitive, she can tell when food has been contaminated, and will make you sick. Don't ask me how she does it, and she couldn't tell you, either. She has had this ability since she was a toddler. I'd usually order something both of us would enjoy and share with her, and she'd refuse to eat something that I knew was a favorite. Later that day, I'd have a mild case of food poisoning. This situation has played out too many times to be explained as coincidence.

So yeah... take this sensitivity, and food can be an issue. When she was a baby, she'd eat anything (DW was in cooking school - yeah, that's where DD gets it - and DD would greet her at the door with a fervent "Momma! Num-nummm!"), but then she hit a phase around three where she became very selective, and unwilling to try new things. Luckily, she'd already been exposed to a good variety, so it wasn't nearly as bad as my neighbor's kid, who only eats hot dogs and pizza. But even if it was something she liked, but just different from usual, she didn't want to eat it. For example, DW flavors her rice pilaf with chicken stock, and DD loved rice pilaf, but one day she didn't have any stock, made it without, and DD took only one bite.

Medicine was an absolute nightmare. There was absolutely nothing we would have been able to do from an authoritative perspective to make that medicine go down, because there was nothing going on there that she had any control over. It was all about that sensitivity. She could make herself so upset over the flavor of medicine that she's throw it right back up. It was only by helping her calm herself down, and giving her methods to immediately eliminate the taste from her mouth, that she was able to take any at all... and even then, it was a long ordeal.

So that's my experience. Based on that, we would never eliminate choice for my DD at the dining table. If we did, my DD would stop eating enough at meals, she would then be hungry and start wolfing down junk food at every opportunity, and generally be underweight and unhealthy. In other words, all the things you've reported here, I would expect to see in my DD. It's not a disobedience thing, it's a physical/psychological thing. If we serve DD something she doesn't like, she will be physically "grossed out," and be unable to finish, no matter what we say or do.

And so... choice. We consider DD's palate when we plan out our meals, and incorporate things we know she'll eat, but there are some things we eat regularly that she won't. We plan those in anyway. DD always has a choice to join us in whatever we're eating... and these days, we've gotten her to the point where she'll at least try something new, and that's all we ask of her. If she takes one taste, and decides she doesn't like it, good for her, at least she tried it. If she doesn't want what we're having, she can have anything else she likes, provided it's quick to prepare, because we're not a restaurant.

Yeah, she gets more processed foods and preservatives this way than we'd really like, but she's getting all the nutrition and calories she needs in the process, and slowly over time, her palate is expanding to a healthier state.

I think that this does not follow logically. At all. In fact, body image issues could cause her to need the comfort that she gets from sweet foods.

I think I'm going to try letting her have some more choices, without making myself a short order cook

I suspect that she does not like the changes we've made and is sensitive about food anyway.

I think I will try to offer her a few choices, but I am still going to insist that she has to eat her meals. And I'm going to try to keep a close eye on the body image issues. She has some perfectionistic tendencies anyway.

As far as the cookies and junk food, I was simply pointing out that she doesn't out right refuse all food. She's just so doggone picky and stubborn, that she is really limiting her diet.

We are also dealing with terminal illness with her granfather. I'm sure she feels very out of control. There are many factors contributing to this, I just want to handle it the right way.

Thanks for the suggestions!
Julie

I always had big food issues myself as a child and still do so I would never force my boys to eat what they do not want. 30 years later I still remember what it felt like and I KNOW they are not making it up. They truly cannot eat certain textures, mixes of food, etc. So I cook separate for the little boys and grown ups have other things (which are still very much affected by what I do or do not eat). So the little boys will either have chicken every day for a week or two (simple chicken breast with no veggies or gravy or anything because then they'd refuse it), or they'll go on a week or two long adventure of having nothing but past (just boiled gluten free / egg free pasta), or they'll hit a week or two of eating nothing but potato products ... again, as plain as can be. They would choose not to eat for days if they didn't get something that I know they WILL eat. So I don't worry about it and just follow their lead.

I myself got better overtime but even now, restaurants ... parties ... social occasions are a huge deal to me because I can never find much I would eat there. It's not just being picky ... just the thought of eating anything out of my narrow group of ok foods makes me sick. And I am very thankful to my parents who never made me eat what I didn't want.

Oh wow... this is my DD10. She is I.M.P.O.S.S.I.B.L.E. at meal time or with school lunches. She has texture aversions, flavour aversions, odor aversions, omg... at one point when she was younger she used to cry if her brother chewed with his mouth open because she was worried food would fly out and land in her plate (mind you, I've always thought she has a touch of OCD).

I've tried so many things with her and what I'm left with that causes the least amount of angst is a) a multi vitamin every day and b) letting her choose her own alternative to our meal as long as it's healthy and she prepares it herself. This is usually something like banana slices with peanut butter.

Have you tried shakes or smoothies with your DD? You can pack a lot of calories and nutrients into them (fresh fruit, yogurt, vitamin supplements, protein powder, etc). A word of caution with protein - too much is hard on their kidneys, so make sure you measure. My DD likes smoothies, but only for a few days and only with a select few ingredients. sigh. Maybe you'll have better luck with your DD...

Well, I can relate. Sigh. My eg/pg DS7 was like your daughter before starting neurofeedback and a diet six months ago. He was born with severe sensory issues, including with food (i.e. textures, tastes, etc.); he had feeding delays, spent two months in an outpatient feeding hospital program, and had years of feeding therapy. DS is tiny too - 5%. He's still in 4T.

DS just finished 6 months of neurofeedback yesterday, but we're planning to continue with the diet (no dairy, no gluten, no artificial sugars/dyes/etc., limits with fruits, etc. - similar to Paleo and Feingold diets) because it's been so beneficial. Basically, any food that converted to alcohol was either eliminated or greatly reduced, which seems perhaps drastic and overwhelming until you realize that there are lots of alternative food products today.

After going through years of feeding issues, there's definitely a behavioral component with eating. However, I really do believe that there's also a neurological component, which is too often ignored.

Sugar is on the tip of the tongue and I do believe it was neurologically affecting him, somewhat similar to an opiate. See http://www.radiantrecovery.com/. This is one of the reasons why they give patients at the outpatient feeding hospital program Oreo cookies - they just want them to eat (they're not concerned with nutrition; they're solely concerned with the behaviors associated with eating).

What I did notice from switching to the neurofeedback diet is that once your body gets used to having the proper nutrients it needs, it doesn't usually crave the other stuff. It also helps, though, if the candy and junk food are out of your sight, which is easier to remove at home like you said but less easy to do outside the home. I try to counter this by finding alternative recipes, such as black bean brownies, and making them available at home, even for breakfast.

You could see a nutritionist or dietician. Or read some books or websites. Or you could try experimenting with a diet log yourself and see what works/doesn't.

I wish I had something more concrete to say, but the food stuff can be a long haul - especially if you've got a sensitive child.