I think the thing I find frustrating is how the the 2E combination affects finding the right school fit and working with educators.
Yep, this is very frustrating - but it is what it is. The frustration most likely isn't going to go away for a few years, because you're in the thick of it at the moment in early elementary school. The best advice I have is to give it your all, but also not let it consume you. You *will* see your ds through this and you'll get him what he needs. It's not going to be easy, but it's definitely worth the battle.
We met with my son's teacher over the summer with scores in hand. I tried explaining that even though he has a high IQ we suspect he might have LD's that run in the family and that he might not appear to be a top .01% kid like the report suggests. He still seems like "that kid" when you talk to him but I don't think discussions are encouraged in class.
I think it's helpful to realize you're not the only parent that your ds' teacher has most likely heard from, especially going into K/1 and even on into 2/3 grades. And the teacher has 20+ kids (usually) to educate. And teachers (rightfully so) will see themselves as trained educators who know something about how to educate children - so they may see themselves as more of an expert over a parent re academics. I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't meet with the teacher or that the teacher should ignore you, but just suggesting that it can be helpful to think of things from the teacher's point of view. So... you're the teacher, and you have a parent who's convinced her child is intellectually gifted and also challenged with an academic ability. You've got (as the teacher) more than one parent who's thought their child was gifted or who thought their child is challenged. It's highly likely that over the years, as a teacher, you would have seen lots of these parents' claims turn out to be over-estimating of either talents or challenges. SO... *you* as the *parent* are truly the expert who knows your child the best, and you know your child is gifted and challenged - so how do you get the teacher to take you seriously? Think of what would convince the teacher: data - reports from credible respected experts - could be inside the school system or private professionals, work samples that illustrate strengths and challenges. Those are the things that, combined with a little bit of patience, have worked the best for us over the years.
I feel like I may have lost credibility.
You've got to not over think this or worry about it. You'll gain nothing if you never speak up! And the situation with most of our schools throws parents into this role initially. *Maybe* you don't have credibility with the school at the moment (although I suspect it feels like more of a worry than it truly is in reality).. but no matter what credible level you're starting at in the school's eyes, the way to restore and continue to build credibility and to advocate successfully is the same - know your son, know what's behind his challenges, seek out the advice of professionals, get the reports, understand what they say, keep work samples etc. Keep talking with the school, keep making requests, keep advocating - as long as our requests and concerns are based in reality and backed up with the "data" - you *are* credible.
Note - the school might not *treat* you like you're credible - that's a whole other issue!
While it hasn't been said, I fear the feeling from the school is that he is a normal bright but immature spoiled boy (not particulaly gifted or dyslexic) and we are weirdos for having him tested in the first place and for following up with more. That the reason he doesn't dig in and finish his work in a reasonable amount of time is because he used to getting his way. That the reason his work is full of errors is because he doesn't try hard.
This is a very real hurdle that many of us who are parenting 2e kids face - so it's good to recognize this may be happening. And the only way I've found around it is to just keep repeating yourself over and over again every time it happens, keep restating the challenges your ds has, keep showing the reports and work samples etc.
The books he reads at school with his teacher are ones we have been over and over and over at home. He has them memorized.
I think what you are saying here is his teacher thinks he can read more fluently than he really can because he's memorized books that you've read with him at home (if that's not what you mean, ignore what I have to say :)). I think it's really important to put this in writing down, somewhere. Are you keeping a notebook to use when you advocate at school? This is a piece of info about your ds' developmental history so just make a note of it now, no matter how obvious it is to you now or how much you think you don't need to write it down, as well as writing down as much as you can remember of his language and reading development up to this point. Also find a way to get this into writing re school - the easiest way is to put it in a email to his teacher. Save a copy of the email.
When he tries a new BOB book at home it is kind of crazy how rough it is. There are the normal things like reading bed as deb, inverting the u's to make a "n" sound, etc. but now there are things like reading "off" when the word is "on" or reading "jump" when the word is "hop". This is without picture prompts.
This sounds so much like my 2e dd - she's not dyslexic but has a different type of challenge that impacts reading.
Anyway, I know we are doing the right thing by getting more testing.
You *are* doing the right thing. Don't let your impressions of what the school staff think, or what they say, change your direction.
I think it is just that as we figure out what school will be like for him and we learn more about him, the years ahead look like a struggle for everyone. For him as he tries to get through a system that isn't set up for him and for us as we try to figure out how to educate him.
It's hard looking forward knowing how much work is likely ahead, and knowing that there most likely isn't going to be a perfect fit. OTOH, that doesn't mean there aren't going to be lots of happy childhood moments along the way, and it doesn't mean that it's always going to feel like a struggle. The next few years will probably be tough - but you'll get through them, and you will be giving your ds an amazing gift - in more than one way. You'll be giving him the framework within which to learn and succeed with his challenges, and you'll also be setting an example that will teach him how to advocate for himself as he gets older.
Hang in there,
polarbear