Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Should I pull my HG 1st grader out and Homeschool

Hi, My 4th child is in 1st grade. He is an older 1st grader. He is reading at 4th grade level. Math is just a year ahead but his number sense is very good. He just hasn't been introduced to all math concepts yet but his pace of learning is always so fast.
He only needs to see things once or twice and he knows it!

Unlike my other children, I have not had his full IQ tested. He did do the Naglieri Non Verbal and scored 99%+ on that one.

Kindergarten in the regular classroom went ok. His teacher was very capable and was able to pull him to a special aide for reading. He was also given special math activities. She "got" him.

Now we are in 1st and it's been a horrible 1st nine weeks. He has a new 2nd year teacher. She is a gifted adult with two HG gifted students and an engineer husband. She decided to become a teacher so that she could make sure that each child is challenged, etc. So her heart is in the right place and intentions good. The problem is that she seems to have no control in the classroom. The kids are all scattered. My son is BORED. When I volunteer he looks miserable. The other moms who have been volunteering have reported the same things to me about the teacher and my son.

My son is a rule follower and likes structure. So he won't be disruptive. He's been begging me to homeschool him. He cries every morning before school. He's been complaining of headaches for a month now (we've had medical issue ruled out including eyes.) He now has to take melatonin every night to sleep and NEVER had problems prior to this year!

His best friend and neighbor tried school this year for the 1st time and is in this same class. His mom is pulling him back to homeschool mostly because of her disappointment in the class. My son is going to flip when he finds out. I can't imagine him dealing with still having to go to school.

My son is super easy. So different than my other 3 kids. He is self motivated, focused and likes to play on his own. I am really considering homeschooling him this year and maybe next. Once they hit 3rd grade school seems to become more tolerable for many gifted kids.

I am going to talk with the principal first to check other options. Short of grade skipping, I don't know what else to do. I don't think a grade skip will really fix the problem. Plus he's got a sister in the next grade up...ughh.

I have talked to his teacher but she just really is overwhelmed. I know she wants to do right by him but she just can't. I don't know if she's got it in her. Even if she does a few things it's not going to fix the rest of the day for him.

Thoughts? Is he far enough ahead that it makes sense to homeschool because his school can't really meet his needs right now?

Anyone homeschool for part of the year? I was thinking of putting him back in school this coming spring? Unfortuntely, my state doesn't offer part time homeschooling.

Thanks

You've convinced me that it's a good idea to pull him out. That situation sounds terrible for any child. But it also sounds like a different classroom might provide the structure and differentiation he needs.

If you do homeschool (and I think it's fine to do it any time during the year), what about your dd in 2nd grade? Will your 1st grade son be able to work at his pace and abilities, and his sister won't? Will that put him ahead of her when you are ready to put him back in school? Does she deserve the same chance to work at her own pace?

Your son sounds a lot like my DD, in that they're both gifted rule followers. That combination is a toxic mix in a boring environment, because they're stressed about lack of stimulation, which motivates them to find other amusements, which then creates more stress due to their urge to conform. It's a catch-22, because they'll be miserable if they act out, and miserable if they don't. I've been their position, and the secret to my sanity, from elementary school all the way to the professional world, has been judicious rule-breaking.

I feel bad for the teacher here, because she's been set up for failure by the administration. My DD has had well-intentioned teachers in this same position. She's also had teachers who decided they weren't even going to try. Given the choice between subjecting her to continuing psychological damage and homeschooling, we took the second one.

Thanks, yes...I think he is just miserable now. I work part time from home and that is my only concern. The only reason I am more willing to homeschool him is because he is so easy to manage. He is very self motivated and can do things on his own for long periods of time. I would love to pull my 2nd grader but she is potentially ADD and EBD issues. We have a hard time managing her at home and school is a better fit for her very high social needs. She is not as highly gifted and althought she is several years ahead in reading math is a good fit at school. They do a good job with her. My 6th and 4th grader are doing ok after a few early years in a full time GT school.

I feel bad for the teacher as well. I hate to go to the principal, she is really trying but I just don't think my kid should be the guinea pig here until she gets the classroom under control.

I may pull him out a 9 week or so and then put him back and do that off and on. I know it sounds silly but I've got to "work" the system best I can. He's really not getting anything out of being there now except for anxiety.

I'm going to talk with the principal this week and let her know where I'm at with things. I might consider having him pull out for 2nd grade math but I don't know if he'll feel weird about that.

Last night we were driving and out of the blue he said "Mom, my school teaches me things I already know but it's because the other kids don't know it. I wish they would teach me harder things but I know why they can't." It's because then the other kids would be confused." I think it's often on his little mind...

You really sound like you can handle homeschooling right now and your son sounds like he's pretty miserable. I agree with everyone else. Just pull him out and get him some interesting work to do. He can work and play while you get your work done and you two can go do fun educational outings, etc.

Btw... I'm working part-time from home with a bright toddler who needs lots of attention... I feel bad sometimes that I'm not giving her enough, but I think you can easily pull it off when your child is at such an independent age.

Don't have much to add but my personal experience. My DS9 is PG and begged to be homeschooled starting in 1st grade. He was a rule follower/pleaser who was bored. It wasn't until 2nd that I fully explored the idea. In 3rd we put him in a private for gifted. This year (4th) we are finally homeschooling. Many times these kids really do know what's best for them. Good luck.

I would consider asking whether he could be shifted to a different class before I would pull him out of school entirely, but you've made a convincing case that he can't stay where he is right now.

I homeschooled my youngest two for a few years, and really found it far easier than dealing with our public elementary and middle schools (both zoned and magnet gifted). And actually, I had a blast with it most of the time, which I totally did not expect.

A couple of things come to mind: Bear in mind whether you're in it for the long run or just a year or three. If the former, the sky's the limit, and the only framework you need is state law. If the latter, you may need to stick a bit more closely to your district's progression of courses in some areas. For us, doing the latter made it really easy for my son to slide back into later middle school (except for the fact that he was now a couple of years ahead of his peers in a few things, having worked at his own pace through math and science).

The other thing is not to discount homeschooling your daughter, if it should come up. While it's perfectly possible to homeschool one and public school the other (we did it for awhile), don't let her issues be the deciding factor. For us, and a few other 2e kids I know who have been HSed, a lot of the issues become non-issues outside the typical educational setting. My daughter's anxiety level and many of her ADHD-related problems disappeared with a more fluid schedule. Sometimes she did her math standing up, or spent two hours on a book she was really engrossed in, or blew off the morning entirely and then happily did all her schoolwork after dinner-- which worked for us, but wouldn't have been possible at XYZ Elementary. Best of all, it taught her some self-control and self-awareness she wouldn't have gained otherwise, because the kids were fully engaged in deciding the form our "school" was going to take. They didn't learn just what to think, they learned how, which was great for my gifted kid but essential for Miss 2E.

just my opinion
but you only get one childhood and one chance to raise your kids. I don't mean that in an OMG don't mess it up! way, I mean to say if you can and want to homeschool for a while, or if you can and want to participate in school for a while give yourself permission to try things out. Remember, life's a journey not a destination.