Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Feeling like a bad mom

DD 22 months watches far too much TV every day. I just don't know what to do with her. If she isn't watching TV, she wants me involved in whatever she's doing... although sometimes I can clean or whatever and she'll just play with me as I move around.

I know we should go outside more but I HATE the weather here. It is SO hot and uncomfortable. It's October and still in the 80s most days. I've been here two years and I still hate it and want to stay in a/c all day.

If the day went the way she wanted it to, I think it would be a long series of me amusing her by playing with play dough, watching her do puzzles, helping her practice riding her balance bike, holding her while I dance around the room, chasing her down the sidewalk, and then fending off requests for "Barney". She would also probably love going to the park and out to places more each day.

It's not like it is tons of work...and I love being with her... but dare I say I get a little bored? I feel horrible saying that, but it's really hard for me to watch her do puzzles, etc. for more than an hour. I start thinking about doing work on my business and I shamelessly try to get her excited to go watch Super Why, and after a few episodes it is time for lunch and a nap. I enjoy researching, writing, and furthering my business, but I feel like I should have better time management skills and keep the work to only a few hours a day.

I cook sporadically, we have no bed time routine because DH gets home late, and the house is kind of a mess.

I don't understand how SAHM's want to run around all day to the park, playdates, enrichment activities.... and still clean their house, make lots of food, and play with their kids. I feel selfish and like I am failing miserably at this domestic thing. It was my business that kept me SANE through the first year of her life. The colic, her intensity, her screaming in the car seat...I dove into the work to keep my mind engaged in something.

I think it is really hard, too, because she doesn't talk. She just signs. I don't know what she's thinking about half the time and we can't have a real conversation yet. And actually, I will probably feel worse when she starts talking, because then she'll probably be begging me to structure her day like I just wrote.

Blah. I'm thinking of finishing college now, too, on top of working on my business, and I'm afraid she'll be even more shortchanged.

I always try to remind myself how fast she's growing and how I will miss these sweet days, but still, I don't seem to have the dedication necessary to do everything "right."

Oh, I feel for you! I do not have the patience for all of that, either, and even while I am thinking that I should just enjoy the kids now and savor the moments because they are growing up so fast, it drives me up the wall to even try to be involved in DDs games and listen to her reading. She wants to play all the time, talk all the time nonstop, and I want to go hide my head in a pillow and scream. My brain is trying to be off thinking of the things I need to be doing, and it gets so itchy when I have to try and answer the same question for the fifteenth time.

I send them to watch TV just to give my poor brain some time to focus on something for more than two seconds without an interruption. They want to go to the park, and it bores me to death, and I wish that I was one of those moms who can follow the kids around, push them on the swings, exclaim over every piece of gravel and flower, and play all their games. But I'm not. I read my book and try really hard for some silence while they are doing something else.

Wishing I had all that energy and dedication to every childhood moment is not going to make it so. I remember that my mom said more than once that she always enjoyed it when her kids got old enough to be interesting -- and she wasn't talking about age 3, or 6, or maybe even 10. And my mom was a wonderful mom to me, but I look back and see that she probably wanted to pull her hair out a lot when I was little.

Don't feel guilty about not being the Stepford mom. Take what little time you can manage for yourself -- you need it.

Oh, and the talking thing -- you spend all that time wishing they could talk, but when they start, the next 8 or 10 years (at least) are spent wishing they would stop!

Yeah. This:
"I wish that I was one of those moms who can follow the kids around, push them on the swings, exclaim over every piece of gravel and flower, and play all their games. But I'm not. I read my book and try really hard for some silence while they are doing something else."

All my friends do the "attachment parenting" thing and DH and I are into it, too. I pat myself on the back for still co-sleeping and nursing my almost two year old. I try to tell myself she is getting lots of love and affection, even if I do escape to my work more than I should. And since she learned her ABCs long ago and is showing interest in reading and counting, I feel like I should be doing waaaay more of that stuff with her to help her along. I do / did want to homeschool, after all.

Is it possible for you to get a nanny/mother's helper for a few hours each week if not each day? That way you can focus on your business or whatever else you have and your dd can still do the things you list such as going to the park. Also, one thing that works for me is to let my dd lead some activities but make her follow activities that are led by me. So for example I will say to her," okay, I will read these three books but after that you are going to help me make dinner or clean up or fold laundry because mommy need help and you are the best helper i have." she gets really excited that she has responsibilities. Maybe you could also look into a daycare/preschool for a couple a half days a week so she not only gets to do some fun stuff but also learn how to self entertain.

Unfortunately, we have a negative budget right now for any sort of daycare and her separation anxiety is still pretty bad. We do one day a week to a homeschool coop and we hang out in the daycare room and then go to the park. I also try to visit my mom once a week and DD likes that.

I definitely do that method when I need to cook or when it is time for bed, but I find it more difficult to do that when I'd like to do some work, or even just get a break and come on here or fb. TV is the only activity she'll do alone.

She... knows what she wants. She wants to lead all the activities these days. Even the books - she likes to control those and "read" them herself. She'll now choose a jigsaw any day over a book. Mainly she just uses me for meeting her goals and for cuddling. She wants to sit on my lap and have me watch and clap as she does her puzzle, but I'd better not "help" too much! She wants me to attend to her play dough creations and sit at her small table and then she'll tell me what to do (kind of... like roll her hands together for me to make a ball or point to her hand for a play dough bracelet.)
She comes to me a lot with a dress stuck around her arm or something, because she wants to put it on. I love love love all the new and interesting things she's doing (we just did a 25 pc puzzle she's done ONCE that she got tonight and she did it in under 15 minutes!)

This 24/7 mama stuff is just rough. Life has been so much easier "using" TV, but I know it isn't good for her. Maybe my expectations for my own mothering skills are too high and too high for how independent a 22 month old should be. She's not even 2, after all.

DS3 wants constant input/participation from me as well, and as an introvert I often find his neediness exhausting. He's going through a phase where he wants me to talk to him non-stop all day long. He loves language and soaks it up, but sometimes I just crave some silence. And especially when he was younger, I also found myself bored, as much as I love(d) to be with him.

I wanted him to go to preschool this year but it didn't work out, so I started to look online for activities to do with him to add some variety to our day. He loves sensory bins, costumes, plastic animals, play doh, water play, simple science demos, spooky crafts, and anything hands-on. I found that introducing new things helped break up the monotony for me and made me feel less guilty about the time he does spend watching TV so I can get a break.

My husband commented recently, "You don't like to cook or clean or stay at home, so why did you want another baby?" I do wonder what I've gotten myself into, but I also think it's okay to look forward to life beyond the baby years.

Maybe I should feel bad for not feeling bad at all that my kids watch a lot of tv? I like tv, so why shouldn't they? I guess I don't expect more from them than, or much different from them than us. I guess.
I've mentioned before that I have family in the video game and tv businesses and writers and comic books too so I guess all this may seem different because I think of movies and video games as creative works.

I also try to do new things or sit down and give her my full attention for whatever she wants at several points during the day so I feel less guilty about the TV.

I want another one, too, maybe after DD is around 3.5 years old. But I dread "starting over" again with pregnancy and all of it. I have my own huge inner drive to keep learning and pursuing the things I'm passionate about and I have trouble switching gears. You have to be pretty self-sacrificing when they are so small and also drop whatever you're doing at any time and sometimes once every 15 minutes. It can be maddening. I've learned more about patience, certainly, but I don't think it's bad to look forward to beyond the baby years.

This might seem counterintuitive but you might see about watching another kid close to her age during the day. My mom and another mom down the street had this arrangement when I was a preschooler. It gave both moms free time and they say we were easier to watch together than separately because we kept each other entertained. Since it was someone from my street, I was able to start kindergarten with a friend.

My mom also gave me an easy to operate tape recorder and told me to talk to it instead. I loved listening to myself talk. (should have been a cue I'd grow up to be a lawyer)

Anyway, my mom was a lot like you. I only remember her playing with me once and it was kind of awkward. She is same way with her grandsons. Grandma = movie marathon. Don't feel guilty. Some people just can't get into all that stuff and it is fine.

My brother and I also had a lot of screen time. She likes to tell people that my brother's skill in arthroscopic surgery is due entirely to her allowing him to play video games as much as he wanted as a kid. I am sure this is ridiculous but at this point we indulge her.

Oh no.. I definitely play with her. I have spent hours and hours and hours going over her wooden letters, doing puzzles with her, dancing with her, etc. She's not weaned yet, either, so we touch base throughout the day. She's getting a play stove for her 2nd bday and I look forward to playing pretend more with her. She does things like pretend a necklace is a stethoscope and listen to our hearts... we go along and play. It's just the amount of interaction she needs that wears me out.

I bet her having a playmate would be great, but I'm not sure I'm brave enough lol