Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion What would you do?

New member here, although have been reading posts in this forum for the last couple months as a guest. What a great resource of information!

Brief background: We knew early on that our DS (4.5), was doing things that other kids his age were not. Currently, he reads at 3-4th grade level and doing 4th-5th grade math. We did private testing over the summer to push for at least early entry Kindergarten. He had been at a Montessori school for the last couple years and was doing ok. The staff was accommodating, but although they have good intentions, do not have experience dealing with gifted kids. The kids were mostly �young� to him, & he did not have like-minded peers to interact with. I had planned on keeping DS at this school for K as I felt that at least they could differentiate his learning, it was self-paced, flexible with his sensory processing needs (allowing him to work outside, on the floor, etc), and accepting of his emotional intensity. The staff agreed to let him be in the K program (essentially hesitant, but eventually agreed it would be best so that he could move to 1st the following year) because of his abilities. But he started to exhibit some behavior the last few months that started to suggest that it was perhaps not the best and that he was outgrowing the environment. We made the decision at the last moment to put DS in another school.

The other school is a private school that caters to the gifted, with staff that are familiar with working with gifted kids. They also agreed to let him in early K. It is an extremely small school (less than 50 for K-8), but located in a somewhat remote business complex. Although it does not look or feel like a traditional school, I was willing to overlook it if it would be a better fit for my son. I�ve only heard good things about it, and the families there are very happy with the education they are receiving for the kids. Today was DS�s 3rd day, and things are going well so far (no phone calls from the office!). He rushes in every morning, excited about school.

Here lies the problem, though: a friend of mine who was visiting the school pointed out to me that just around the corner (but still adjacent to the office space that the school is located at) is a gun shop. I had not noticed it as it has a pretty unassuming name that would not suggest guns being sold, and my mindset just figured that there would not be a business like that next to a school. Looking into it (on the store�s website), you can pretty much get any kind of firearm there. Now, I know that it is unlikely that anything would ever happen, but just knowing that it is there makes me uncomfortable and nervous. From the entrance of the school, you cannot see the gun store.

So, as a parent, if you were in my shoes, what would you do? Would you keep your child in that school that actually gets your child & may be the best option for them, despite the setting? DH and I are both working professionals and I am still in grad school, so homeschooling is a last resort at this point. His Montessori teacher (who has also worked in the public school system) says the public schools may not be able to accommodate him, and I don�t think DS would do well there anyway as he is a little bit out of the box. Local private schools may not be enough for him either. Plus he wouldn�t meet the cut-offs for K in our state and it may be a long advocacy battle for him. We could go back to the Montessori school, but not sure that�s a good fit anymore. Just wanted to unload my thoughts/worries � any input would be appreciated, thanks!

Honestly, I would put in a call to the local police and ask them about the shop. Let them know your situation and they will be able to tell you if that shop is a problem.
I'm willing to bet that it isn't a problem since the other families are happy.

?

Speaking as someone who believes very strongly in gun control and even more strongly in taxing the living daylights out of bullets at the point of sale:

Why would you call the police about a business that has a legal right to operate? What would you expect them to do?

To the OP: I think this is a personal decision you have to make. Think about your concerns and discuss them with your husband. What's his opinion? Then do some research about your concerns if necessary (e.g. if you're worried about someone buying a gun and going on a shooting spree, find out how many gun crimes are committed immediately after the criminal buys a gun).

I think maybe to find out if there has been any criminal activity linked to guns purchased at this store, to get an idea of the clientele who frequent it and who would therefor be close to the school.

(shudder) Sleepless I'm so sorry you're stuck with this decision. I can't even (rationally) weigh in on it... I have the good ol' Canadian born and bred revulsion/aversion towards guns. I've worked with them too - I've been trained and licensed to carry (for work only). Guns are hideous.

Anyway... I don't know what I would do in your shoes. Ruin the best (yet) educational opportunity for my child over fears of something that may never happen? (This is me trying to be rational ) Or take a stand against something I don't believe in?

I wish you the best of luck - I hope you figure out something that works.

If your community has a zoning law that requires stores to not sell alcohol, explicit material, guns, etc, within a specified distance of a school, your city council representative or your zoning department would know that. If they are in violation, then you can request that your councilman address the issue through proper channels. But most of the time when a charter or independent school is located in an empty business building, businesses that were previously there are grandfathered in and not required to relocate just because the school moved there.

A gun shop in and of itself wouldn't worry me nearly as much as a bar, a liquor store, or an adult video shop. Most of your seedier types are not going to go the legal route for a gun, so you'll likely find a lot of people who are trained and respect firearms.

But you have to live with your comfort level, and that is different for each individual,

Good point. I think this is very likely true.

So hard to decide... you might ask at the school about it. See if they have any future plans to move to another location (possible that they do). If so, you might be able to deal with it for a year or two. I am sure they will reassure you that it is not/will not be a problem (they have an interest in promoting this viewpoint, of course).

I will also say that at least in our state, guns are now EVERYWHERE. Concealed carry is a fact in most states now, and honestly your risk probably isn't any higher around the corner from a gun shop than at the grocery store or other public location or driving down the street (have been a couple of road rage with guns incidents in our community just in the past few months). That, of course, is a whole 'nuther topic. But in weighing the relative risk, it is something to consider.

Me, the mom of a 12 year old (and 10 and 8 year old) wouldn't think twice about it - I absolutely believe that the risk of something happening associated with the gun shot *at all* is very low, and much lower that it would happen to somehow actually happen to my child. I don't know about where you live, but in our area it's legal to carry concealed weapons if you have a license - that seems like a much higher risky thing to worry about. When my cousin was in high school she was accidentally shot in a foot by a friend - not something you'd ever expect to have happened, especially in the situation she was in at the time - *those* things I think, while almost 100% *not* to happen are still probably more likely to happen than something associated with the gun store.

As the mom of a 12 year old 2e child, whom it took us literally almost all of elementary school to find a good school fit for - no way would I have time to even think about the shop, and no way would I pull my ds out of the school once I'd found a great school.

And now that I've been so nonchalant about the gun shop, I also have to let you know how I would have answered this question when my oldest was in preschool - I would have freaked out with worry. I almost didn't send him to a really great preschool because the teachers took the kids to the nearby park every afternoon. I *loved* that they went on walks to parks - in theory. But then I saw a teacher leading a group of 3 & 4 year olds down the street in pairs and all I could think of - when my ds does that, he's going to step out off the sidewalk into the street at the exact minute a car flings by. Fortunately I was talked down on that matter by my girlfriends, I sent him to the school (still worrying) and he never once came anywhere near the path of a car (as far as I know!). He also loved his preschool and so did I.

Later on as my ds grew I found other things to freak out with worry over too - I think that's all a part of watching our kids grow and slowly letting go. Just this last summer ds took a sailing course. DS knows how to swim, but he'd never been sailing before. They were going to sail (deep long breath here.....) on... a lake. OH YIKES was I nervous about that. But dh talked me down and we sent him off and he had a blast. He's had so many opportunities over the years that... I've totally worried my socks off of and I'm sure that 90% of the gray hairs on my head are due to those worries. The good news is, it has always so far worked out ok (knocking on wood here! lol!).

Practically speaking, in your situation, I'd probably just ask around among the other parents to see if anyone else has worried about it, and if so, have they heard anything that's really of concern. I'd even probably ask the folks at the front desk at the school or the playground supervisors or even the principal. I think you'll most likely hear a lot of reassurance.

Congrats on finding a good school!

polarbear

ps - not meant to scare or anything, but do you ask friends' parents if they have guns in the house before you let your child go there for a playmate? I don't, but I'm mentioning that because the times I've heard or children being hurt by guns, other than when they are caught in random cross-fire between rival gangs... have all been when kids were playing at someone's house and a gun is either played with or accidentally fired. That's what happened to my cousin.

Thanks everyone for the input. Indeed, this is ultimately a personal decision for our family so I am trying to weigh in on the matter in the most rational way that I can, because I know from a subjective point of view as a parent, it's hard not to feel some sort of emotion with the situation.

From what I understand, the store does have a legal right to be there as they and the school are private businesses. I spoke with the school regarding my concerns, and they did try to reassure me, and even suggested that I even visit the store to get a sense for what it is like (although personally, I will probably not as I am so averse to guns myself). Unfortunately, the school cannot do anything about the store being there.

The school claims that the people who own the store are respectful, friendly people who are indeed very professional, and their clientele as well. Supposedly they are like a specialty gun shop and sell many collector type of firearms. It is not a shady looking store, not in a shady area, and discreet looking. The sheriff/police are aware of the situation, and do drive by there occasionally to let their presence known. The school says that when the store moved in about a year and a half ago, many people were up in arms about it as well, and probably had to go through much of what I'm feeling now, but the fact that it is not much of an issue for them alleviates my worries (somewhat).

DH an I have been discussing it a lot. Yes, the likelihood that anything happening there is extremely low. Incidents/accidents involving guns probably don't happen right outside gun shops. But as a mom, it's hard to overlook something like that as you always worry about the safety of your children. We have yet to make any final decision. Although I was ready to pull my son out of the school the morning after I found out about the shop, after a couple days of letting it stew and talking to more people about it, I have a least decided to give it some more thought.

Thanks,
Sleepless

I'm sorry, I don't exactly understand? What is it you are afraid of? The guns coming to life and flying out the shop and into the school? Groups of sociopaths buying guns and deciding to shoot the first thing they see?

A gun shop is probably just about the safest business you could possibly operate. No one in their right mind is going to attempt to rob it. Criminals can't buy anything in them, so why would they be there? The only people who go into gun stores are law abiding citizens, and the overwhelming majority of them are perfectly sane and will never even fire their gun outside of a gun range.