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Maybe this topic has been covered, probably, but it is on my mind. Yesterday, half day school, picked up DD with dog and plans changed since a buddy was heading to Central Park with Grandmother so we all went.
We went to Belvedere castle where they climbed up, I stayed on the lowere level with dog. Then we were going through the brambles. There is a clearing that I know of and when we hit it, I took dog off the leash and threw the frisbee I had for her. The kids each threw the frisbee for the dog to catch it. We were heading to the paths again and the grandmother asked me to put dog back on leash, which I did. We got lunch and then the kids are climbing trees. Not that high, it was above soft ground. I am not concerned since I climbed many trees in my lifetime. But grandmother wouldn't allow it.
DH has a difficult time when Dd does gymnastics on the furniture, though I notice they have a commerical of gym athlete doing just that. I think it is a Bounty commercial. We are so worried about what our kids do, rightly because of the crazies out there. But how do you negotiate the teaching of taking some risks? And before anyone criticizes me for taking the dog off the leash, I hope you have never speeded or talked on your cell phone while driving, "cast the first stone" etc.
That is one of the best questions asked here in a long time
It really comes down to realistic risk assessment by the parent ( ie not giving into the media-fed fear), laid out borders to the child with the reward of those borders expanded if expectations of safety, trust, and common sense are met.
That's an interesting article Cawdor, and a good question Wren. I think the answer for each of us varies a lot depending on where we live too - my kids free-range in our neighborhood, but where we live the worry is wild animals, not crime.
Another question that is sorta related for our kids is free time - I had so much more free time when I was a child - time to just play, enjoy my friends, let my imagination run wild, just be a child. The free-ranging in our neighborhood today is so great for my kids (jmo)... fun for me too (I love getting to know all the kids as they come in and out of our yard)... but.... also severely impacted by everyone heading to lessons/teams/camps etc. I'm guilty of filling up my children's schedules too - all three of them are at different camps this week that are wonderful camps that they love and that I feel are giving them valuable life experiences (as well as a chance to meet and make new friends). But given the chance, my two daughters would be every bit as happy at home playing with the neighborhood kids doing whatever the heck it is they do when they play all day. DS isn't quite as into it, but the only other boys in the neighborhood anywhere near his age are all about team sports like basketball, ds isn't and the other boys aren't - I don't think - EG, hence they aren't reading Lord of the Rings and taking online chemistry courses for fun this month. I also don't know if it's quirkiness due to giftedness or due to dyspraxia, but ds has a tough time figuring out what to do when just left to do whatever... so he doesn't like just hanging out going from house to house or yard to yard or woods or wherever without a plan.
To me, it's usually a risk-assessment of whether any negative consequences would be life-threatening or merely inconvenient. With something like tree climbing over soft ground at a reasonable height, I would consider the consequences of falling to be inconvenient (e.g., stunned, a bruise or scrape, or even a broken bone), but not life-threatening provided the height wasn't too great. Of course, a broken bone would be more catastrophic at some times than others, too, so it obviously would be on a case-by-case basis.
The thing that I struggle with now is my DS13 walking 45 minutes across town by himself to an activity at his request. I let him do it after reviewing rules with him and I know he's 13 and 6 feet tall so probably not a potential kidnap victim, but it still makes me slightly nervous and I make him text me a couple time along his route and when he arrives. We live in a smaller town, though, and the route isn't full of busy traffic.
I'll let DD10 walk to a neighbors house about 10 mins from ours, but we're in a fairly enclosed neighborhood with very little traffic and I can see her for about half the way. I wouldn't feel comfortable with her going too far outside of our neighborhood unless she had our big dog, though, because she's still small enough to be snatched (although I know it's extremely unlikely to happen). For me, the negative consequence would be life-threatening.
Of course, I make my kids wear helmets when they ride bikes and ride in booster seats until they met the height requirements. Again, to me, a case of possible life-threatening consequences rather than merely inconvenient consequences.
But obviuosly everyone's assessment is different and often affected by accurate and inaccurate risks reported in the media.
We suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI) in our family last year (adult), and I insist on head gear on bikes/skates/scooters/skateboards and general extra safe play because of that, to the point of being a hassle. I was completely shocked by what I learned about TBIs, including:
- TBIs are not like other injuries where there is a recovery and everything is back to the way it was. We don't like to think of the thing that makes us who we are being inside our skull, but I'm afraid it is. Imagine the very thing that gives us the ability to say "I have a brain injury" can be damaged. There is not a backup copy. - only about 11% of TBIs show up on scans - serious, life-altering TBIs can occur with no external damage or even bruising (look up coup/contra coup) - a very common and often devastating injury occurs from smacking the back of the head hard, causing the brain to bounce forward against the bony inside front of the skull. Frontal lobe injuries are common and can be devastating (see ) - At clinics and rehab I saw several people changed forever (physically and mentally disabled) from just falling down stairs, or off short step ladders. - A major change of personality can occur from frontal lobe injuries. Trust me, this is absolutely devastating. It does not take a bullet or a massive wreck. Minor car wrecks and falls do it all the time, and you can end up with a loved one who is barely like the person you knew and they have no idea that this is the case and would find it offensive for you to suggest. Imagine taking a sandblaster to someone's finely featured personality. You look them in the eye and realize they are not who they were. - Even when they are not apparently serious, TBIs can affect memory, attention, emtions...and can last a lifetime.
Anyway, I hope that scares others into avoiding TBI.
Last edited by Pru; 06/06/1201:33 PM. Reason: typo
My son and I spend several hours outside every day, but it's hard to find kids for him to play with. They're all at daycare, school, or afterschool activities. It's tempting to fill up our schedule too since he gets kind of lonely when it's just me and him.
ETA: I live in a fairly dangerous city, so I don't think I'll encourage much solo travel. My parents let me take the public buses at 11, but with DS, I'll probably wait till older, if at all...
Pru- I am sorry to hear about the struggles that your family has gone through. You are right, TBI's can be terrible things with catastrophic consequences and taking prudent measures to prevent them is certainly a valid concept. On the other hand, however, I would also ask that those reading this take into consideration the parts of you comments that remind us all of how fragile and short life can be. As you stated, quite correctly, TBI's don't have to come from a major accident or trauma. They can be caused be something as simple as slipping on the stairs or falling from a step ladder. Please, take caution in your life where necessary (i.e. requiring seat belts, booster seats, bike helmets) but don't become so scared as to impact the quality of experience you or child is allowed to have. Life is short and no one among us will ever truly know what lies in store for us five minutes from now so don't forget to live life to its fullest. Try not to be so cowed by the dangers of living that you forget to actually live.
There was an article about this in Family Circle this month, too. I grew up in a very safe small university town but with lots of biking-- so I consider freerangibg vital but helmets don't count as bubblewrap parenting in my book! It's hard to let kids roam here (not hometown) with the suburban sprawl and poor pedestrian routes, but as my kids grow we'll figure some ideas out (the community areas, botanical gardens, etc can be solo spots w friends, even if getting to some takes a car
Oh, and I also try to appreciate we all have different comfort levels about stuff--it's never going to be purely rational risk assessment. I tend to agree w the idea of severe vs inconvenient. But my idea of severe can be different than yours! So a dog I might be comfortable with depending on the dog and owner, or not. And my daughter with heights yes but speed not so much
