Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DS5 starting school. What to ask for?

Hello, I need advice on how to proceed. Our DD7 was early entranced at 4 and is currently in a program for HG kids. We were planning on having our DS5 start K next fall. DS was screened for early entrance last spring and it was determined that he did not have the maturity at that time to start early. Now he is 5 and ready for school. After he met his teacher and we talked with the gifted coordinator, they have said they think his needs will not be met at school and I should put him in a different setting. I have thoroughly investigated the options available to us and our family actually moved to the area we are in now because there was more available for our kids in this school district along with other reasons.


It is hard for me to believe that he would not be okay at school for two years until he can go to the HG program that DD is in. We are fairly young parents and both have to work full time. My husband is also in school working on his masters. We have three kids very close in age. I need the school to take him and make things work. I am unsure what to do now. The Montessori school they suggested is not a big fan of technology and computers are his life line. Where ever he goes he has to have access to a computer or laptop. I really do not want to home school him and even if I did he would just be that much farther ahead the following year which would make this harder and his intensity will likely be the same regardless of his age. I am trying to set up a meeting with the gifted coordinator to find out what our options are if we decide to send him to this school anyway.

My husband and I were discussing it and we think it might be better to put him in 1st grade instead. He would be able to practice writing which is still an emerging skill that he will need for the HG program. Although he reads independently a lot he still likes to listen to stories too. We could bring in math stuff and a laptop for him. If he had a computer he could learn on his own part of the time and would be less intense during the day. I could pick him up mid-day and try homeschooling him in the afternoon if they wanted.

He tends to do better with older children too and although he would be much smaller because of his personality we do not think that would be an issue for him. He is in Karate with older children of all ages and does fine. He is not easily intimidated by bigger children or adults and has no problem talking to adults or much older children. He is very self-confident and extremely outgoing. I think in a first grade class room he would do fine half of the day. Being with older children would be more engaging for him socially as he generally seeks out children that are older. Both of our kids are unusually self-assured, confident, and emotionally mature. DD7 had no problem being younger and even now is one of the younger kids in the HG program.I am hoping the school will work with us to get him in the right place. The HG program is the best fit we have found for our kids and we just have to get him through until 2nd grade. I realize that nothing is going to be perfect.

Also I am wondering if he starts in 1st grade at 5 if he would be eligible to go to the HG program at 6 for second grade or if they would say he is too young. My argument would be that DD7 was 6 when she started. DD5 would be three month younger than she was but he is on par with her and also stronger in math.Any advice would be welcomed as I am getting ready to go talk to the school. I was really expecting them to figure out what to do with him as things have worked out pretty well so far with DD.

I do value the coordinator and early entrance people’s opinions. I am just starting to realize how far out of the norm our kids are. I want to find a solution that works for everyone and puts DD5 in a good place where he will be happy.

I think the best thing to do is choose an option and give it a try.

Best Wishes
Grinity

I'm confused about this - was this meeting where you were told this with your neighborhood school (or whatever public school kids in your area are slated to attend)? Or was it at an optional/lottery/charter/private school? If it was the public school that all children in your area enroll in when they reach kindergarten age, the school is legally bound to educate your child and can't tell you that they can't meet his needs and *you* should put him in a different setting - although they can tell you that the school can't meet his needs and the school district will determine and suggest an optional placement that does meet his needs.

OTOH, when they said the school couldn't meet his needs, were they referring to their perceptions of his needs, or a list of needs compiled by you? If it was in reference to specific things that you asked for, it's not unusual for a school to push back and say no to parent requests - and if that's what happened, if you list what you asked for here some of us may be able to help with tips for how we've advocated for outside-of-the-box services at school.

No matter what the school's legal obligation, it's quite possible that the school doesn't know how to meet his needs - but they still have a responsibility to be a part of figuring out what to do. Did they give you any suggestions for what they thought might be a good option for your ds?

When they said the school couldn't meet his needs, were they referring to their perceptions of his needs, or a list of needs compiled by you?
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I agree with Grinity though - you might not be able to know what the best option is until you just pick a course and go with it and see how it works out.

polarbear

The coordinator called me and was referring to their, the gifted coordinator, early entrance person, early childhood screening person and K teachers perception of his needs based on assessment, screenings and meeting him. He is very intense. If I decide to still bring him they will take him and try to come up with a plan. I just don't know what it will be or if the teachers available right now in Kindergarten would be flexible enough to make things work. It sounds like they would not be. I have not asked for anything at this point.

After thinking about it we would like to have him start 1st grade with a teacher we know if she was open to it, This will be a hard sell, he comes across as very young and very cute. Maybe we can pick him up halfway through the day to home school as I am concerned a full day might be hard on him and the teacher. But maybe he would do okay all day.

I am just trying to figure out how to compose my requests when I do go to talk to the school, and I am nervous about the whole thing. I could also keep him home again but then we would just have the same problem next year and my littlest DD3.5 would be starting K too. Lucky for her B-day is very late Aug so I would have to advocate for two at the same time entering school plus DD7 as there are a lot of changes that will be happening in her program next year.

I am just feeling overwhelmed. I am just beginning the process of applying for young scholars for DD7 but the only test scores we have are through the school so I am at their mercy to find and send what they have to Davidson. Also DS5 has not had full scale testing although his initial assessment put him in the 99.99% range. I know this public school would do full testing at some point. A lot of the services they have we would not have access to on our own and we can not afford private testing so I really need to make things work at this school. This public school also has a program for HG kids which we will probably need for our other kids. They are suppose to be 7 to start that although my DD was 6 when she started. It has been a good fit for her so far and has potential to work for the other kids, but they have to make it to second grade and get tested through the school first.

I would try first grade if you think it will work. I dont know about schools else where in the country but schools so far in Southern California cant keep up with my oldest and they do a little to say that they are trying then they dont do anything else and it is like pulling teeth. Luckly we were able to homeschool. We use a charter school that provides us with a teacher to go to for help and provide all materials. While there are a few down falls this has helped.

I remember having discussions with the local public school where they suggested things like private school and homeschooling. It was sort of annoying, since they have a duty to teach my kid. But I think they were actually just trying to come up with what they thought were good options. We made it clear that we wanted to make it work with the public school, and they ended up being very flexible.

In your situation, there is an HG program at the school. At least some of the kids in that program are likely to younger siblings, yes? I would ask the school what they do with the siblings of kids in the HG program. Do they group them? (if not they should...) Do they differentiate? Is there any chance you can seek out a parent of a kid in your DD's class who has a sibling in the same situation? Obviously, each kid's needs are different, but grouping some kids who are likely to be closer in GT range than just random placement may be a good idea.

I think it's good to meet with the school and ask what they have to offer, then bring up some of your ideas. Good luck!

Thanks for responding, I had a meeting with the coordinator and the school will not grade accelerate him unless he can hit 98% across the board on the achievement testing for first grade. So he would have to start in K and be tested and hit 98%+ on the first grade curriculum, plus IQ testing and then a team would decide if he could skip. My concern is if he does qualify for this then it means he is 98% proficient in the first grade curriculum already, so why would he need to be in first grade if he knew 98% of the curriculum? Also maybe I am wrong but don’t a lot of kids have uneven profiles at that young of an age anyway. So a very gifted child could ceiling out the test in one subject and be just under in another and not qualify for a skip, but might still benefit by being in a higher grade. He is pretty even but there are so many variables.

We are going to start him in very half day K this fall and see what happens. There are other younger siblings of kids in the program some go to other schools and some go there. Some of the older boys in the program seem a lot like him. Most of them went somewhere else for early elementary or several other places before going to the HG program. Maybe I just have not gotten to know the other families well enough?

They are going to ability group the kids that assess higher with him in the fall. It sounds like the gifted coordinator really has good intentions but is somewhat limited by the school. It also sounds like DS will have some time with the coordinator in reading and math in the fall. Then if we want to subject him to all the testing we can see about skipping mid-year although it sounds unlikely.

There is still a part of me that is concerned he will not test well and they will say he is not gifted, and give him nothing, and he will hate it. I am interested to see what other people think of this plan. Any major problems or anything I am missing that I should ask for? What are other people doing for Kindergarten next year?

I moved back to home schooling with my kindergardener last year and this year my new kindergartener will also be homeschooled. She is already reading and she can do most of her sisters math workbooks herself. She only needs to work on writing. I was going to send her to public school because she is really calm and likes hanging out with other kids. She will do what they are doing in class with no complaint, but since our car is broken down it limits where I can send her. I dont really like the public school down the road. They talked better than most, but they seem to think technology will save thier early gifted kids. My dd5 isnt a big fan of technology. She can work my phone, but computers you can forget it. She still clicks the wrong thing on websites and I have to help her find her way back. We are working on it though.

My son is just finishing kindergarten. He was well beyond a first grade curriculum at the start of the year for everything but writing.

We ended up with him spending two hours a day in a first grade class for language arts, and getting a smattering of differentiation for math and science/social studies from the gifted teachers.

He is now going to be grade accelerated into second grade for next year. If we had really been on top of things, we would have requested the acceleration in January, but the second half of the year was fine.

He is also a very intense little guy. His kindergarten teacher had some significant behavior challenges from him, but very few in first grade. Seeing him now versus the beginning of the year, I think skipping kindergarten entirely would have been problematic for him. He needed some support with his adjustment to school that was most appropriately provided in kindergarten.

We're starting my DS5 in regular K. They have no gifted programs here until 3rd grade. DS reads at about 3rd grade level and has a high math aptitude...but we feel he needs the K to learn how to 'do' school. His principal said they do try to group the advanced kids. A good friend's son was put in first grade for reading and math at the school. I'm thinking this is an experiment year...we can always pull him out if it's not working. My DS is a people-pleaser, so I don't expect behavioral issues of great seriousness. But I worry he won't be challenged.