Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Reality (rant and honestly a cry for support)

I was in hysterics last night. I could not stop laughing. I live with Wolf day in and day out and other than being exhausting it doesn't phase me. It's only when the numbers are put down that I start to freak out. I'm not at all phased about having him take history with the 8th graders, well I wasn't until I realized that he will be 8 and they will be 13-14. He'll love it and fit in perfectly, but the numbers make my brain hurt. It makes it very hard for me to comprehend the concerns of a single level grade skip. He's always been such a wild outlier that I've always been more worried about how he'll adjust to college classes before he's a teen than I am about how difficult it will be to go through puberty later than the kids in his class.

That's part of my issue with going through with testing, besides the cost, I'm afraid the numbers will show me a different kid than the one I know. Maybe it's projected imposter syndrome, but what if the numbers come back lower than expected? What if the numbers say he isn't as "gifted" as we think he is?

I can't see it actually happening, but that doesn't stop the concern. He's finishing 4th grade EPGY math, is in the middle of 6th grade EPGY language arts, and he just finished two middle school textbooks. He's SEVEN!!! I know that equates to a high IQ, but what if it comes back too low for Davidson? Once again, I doubt it will, but what if it does? Does that mean that testing him will be a waste of money when we have so little to spare? Does it mean he's not as smart as he seems? Would it mean we ought to place him in a regular classroom?

I'm worried that the numbers will be different from what I see on a daily basis and if they are that it will change how I deal with him. I don't know... This whole thing is hitting more triggers that I would have expected.

I'm not much help, but didn't want to read & not post. Sorry you're having a hard time! Are you getting him tested soon?

You are not alone. I feel the same way with DD. She is 5, and is on track to finish all elementary curriculum by the end of next year. She will be 6.5. It's crazy. I feel the same way with testing. We don't have the money right now, but are planning on trying to test next spring. What if it shows something different I worry, but then I try to remember that what we see is most likely what we get and it's not like we haven't been told what we see is true by others...and I am sure this is the same for you all. She has been seen by a developmental psy and assessed...just not with official iq results, and he threw numbers at me that made my head spin, but then I have to take it day by day. But I do freak when I think of testing and what if it comes back low, does that mean what I and others have seen is not there, should we not grade skip all that we are doing, if everyone wrong. So see, while I have no advice, you are not alone LOL.

Thank you both. He's currently tentatively lined up to be tested this July and it's going to be fun to cover the bill which makes the whole whether we should test or not that much more of an issue. He's never seen a developmental anything, but every teacher he's ever had has said they've either never seen a kid like him or have only seen one other like him their whole career. His teacher just lent him a National Geographic and an archaeology magazine (I think, it was an adult scientific magazine of some kind) about the Titanic. He was overjoyed. I don't see how everyone could be wrong, but I still worry.

I honestly try not to think about just how different he is. When I don't think about it he's just Wolf, my big kid in a little kid's body who can't even tie his shoes or ride a two wheeler by himself yet. It's when the numbers get pointed out that it gets overwhelming. I mean what parent would even think of putting an 8 year old in with 13/14 year olds? But if I don't think about the numbers it makes perfect sense. Sigh.

I felt the same way when we were getting ready to have DD9 tested when she was 6. I was convinced that it was all in my head and that the numbers wouldn't match what I thought they would be. And, when she was first tested at age 6 she didn't make the DYS cutoff and I was crushed because I had seen it as my only hope of ever understanding her or finding help for her. However, 2 years later with a tester with more experience with gt kids she easily made it and is now a DYS.
I too get stuck on trying to figure out what we will do with her when she is ready for college at age 13 or 14 and not worry about puberty issues until someone brings them up. I think it is my mommy instinct that tells me that puberty will be easier than all of the other things that we face with her. (Ok, those of you with older girls can stop laughing now, let me live in ignorance for a little longer )

My advice to you is to take a big breath, or two or fifty and just let it happen. The numbers will say what they say - you know your kid better than probably anyone and your gut is probably right.

When we radically grade skipped DD this year everyone else was worried about the puberty thing too, except me - and I was right, she knows that the other girls are starting puberty and she isn't yet, but she also knows that part of their behavior is because of it and she is glad to not have to worry about it at this point in time.

Good luck - this feeling too shall pass.

Don't worry about the numbers -- you know the kid.

If the numbers don't show what you already know, there's something wrong with the numbers. It wouldn't be the first time, and it sure won't be the last. More than likely, the numbers will show even more than you already know and give you something else to freak out about instead.

I'm worrying about the education too. CoLleges and scholarships are competitive. And what if you're kid's not age group lock-stepped then what kind of education will they miss? What kind of scholarships can't they qualify to apply for? You don't want to hold them back when they want to learn now. Along with learning you want them to have a good fit in their daily lif now, right now you want them to be where they're thriving more than you want anything else.

I guess every parent worries. I wonder if all the parents worry about everything at once though. I don't think it would be less stressful to worry about one piece at a time, but a mothers going to worry however she does best.

IKWYM. Honestly, the number one reason we're not testing DS8 is that we don't see any way any result could help (absence of a reason TO test) and the number two reason is the cost - but the thing that makes me feel relieved that we don't need to is the kind of feeling you're talking about. I know that DS is extraordinary, especially in maths, and no number could change that, and I know that weird things can happen with testing - but an ordinaryish number would be difficult to reconcile emotionally, all the same.

Thanks everyone. It is helping to know that I'm not the only one who has had thoughts like that. I think we're going through with testing if we can scrape up the money. If he qualifies for Davidson, great, if he doesn't at least we'll know his strengths and weaknesses and hopefully rule out any problems that might be being hidden by being as bright as he is.

Okay, here's my Old Lady perspective (my eldest gifted kid is 30, the youngest are 14)...

So what if the numbers are wrong? What if they're right? Either way, your kid is the same kid he would have been, untested and unsorted. Either Davidson is a go, or it isn't, or something else entirely different comes along-- but thousands of terribly bright young people have lived fulfulling lives without a gifted summer camp or a part-time enrichment program.
At some point-- at many points-- things will turn out to be Not Optimal. You go with plan B (or even C, D, or E), you give it your best shot, and things will be fine. Children are terrifyingly resilient, despite what people will want to tell you to the contrary.